Thursday, October 31, 2024

Living with narcissistic behaviour!!

 People who trigger you always,

People who remind you that something is missing in your life,

People who twist your good deeds as your bad ones,

The worst thing is they don't realise, the fault is not yours but their's. 

Sacrifices that you make for the sake of making your life good, goes in vain if you get such people around. 

The most basic things is they lack common sense,

They are easily influenced by others words and they forget all you do for them just because they don't utilise their own mind.

Today is an auspicious day, a day that reminds good always wins over bad. But, does that happen in real life?? If so how long does it take?

I need to heal myself, from so many wounds that I have been getting from past several years. 

All I do is try to focus on the good part of the day. I try to make something that would make a good memory for me and my son. But, one small trigger brings back the scars alive. 

I need to apply medicine on the wounds to heal but when someone scratches it again and again on a daily basis. How will it heal?

Sometimes I feel like running away from here to a place where nobody can find me. But, will that heal me? I need to fight back but without support how do I do that? I need to wait in patience but till how long... Do I have any deadline?? Death also does not come easily and I am not brave enough to kill myself. 

I feel like living with idiots around, who just know how to make me feel bad. Sometimes I feel life is not moving fast enough. It moves pretty quickly when I am happy. I was the happiest when my son arrived but it took only 6 days to turn it into my most depressing phase of life. Now I fear to even express my true feelings sometimes. But, this time I am choosing courage over fear. So, I am writing about it, as I don't want to make anyone sad by my sad story today. 😃

It might be weird to read this article on a Diwali day, for which I have been preparing for days,to make it a memorable day. In spite of all this I will still make it memorable. I will make Rangoli, light diya, worship my lords and make good food. I will wear a saree I never wore before. Because I don't want to sulk in this unhappy shit that life offers me as a daily dose. 😂 

All I can pray is give me enough strength to accept the shit and still not be affected by it. I still choose to be a better version of myself. Give me strength and remind me constantly that I am serving God within others. Let me meet that God whenever I have to serve others. 

Happy Diwali and may the light within me glow so hard that it makes my life lighted and ever glowing with love and happiness.🤩 

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