Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Working mothers, Independent or dependent??

You must be feeling from the title of my post that I am in negative state of mind. Yes, I am going through a very tough phase of life and I am feeling choked. All doors appears to be closed to me. I am feeling like traveling through a dark tunnel which appears not to end, I do not see light peeping through any small hole. 

Let me explain, I am sure many of you might have had gone through similar phase. I am recently blessed with a son and I am in Maternity leave which is about to end in 4 months time. I had C-section and I am currently with my parents trying to figure out how to handle my little munchkin all by myself. The problem is I have to handle my grown up kid(MY DEAR HUSBAND) and my infant, handle a house and handle a job too that do not permit me to work on my flexibility. Owing to my financial state, I cannot even think of sitting at home. In office, my manager wants newbies to pick up my task. Uff!! too much is not it. 

All the dear working ladies out there, I must salute you. 10 years back when I got my first job, I was in an impression that working women are INDEPENDENT. But, now I must agree that all WORKING MOTHERS are actually dependent on so many people. They are SUPER DEPENDENT individuals who has to rely on their baby sitter or creche. If they are lucky they have parents or in-laws to support. Also in this middle age group, parents come up with health issues, which adds to the concern list. 

In middle age so many issues erupt that someone has to master to keep balance with everything. If you slip little here or their you tend to fall. Especially, women have to balance lot more things. Having peace of mind is something that is difficult to achieve in these kind of atmosphere. This is great time for me to sit back and enjoy my long long holidays that I might not achieve again in near future. But, my thinking brain tends to make me wonder of that future which is waiting to unfold. Its making me afraid and kind of sad and not allowing to utilize this time to focus on the happiness. 

 I must confess that life has never been easy for me. Its been ten long years, from the time I started working that something or the other keeps my thinking mind feel anxious. Still, with the faith in god I have walked these ten long years and still walking it bravely. I wish everyday that my life be little less complicated be little more easy.However, anyone can walk the path that is easy. It needs courage, strength and faith to walk the path that is less easier. I am proud that I am braving my way through that path which is less easy. I just need little more blessing from the lord to travel through this path without making much mistakes. 

In all these years I have felt that there is something mysterious(you name it god/supreme power/destiny) but that has the capability to change anything that you have planned.Nothing works as per our desire or plan.Something beyond our capacity has the control and it operates us. So, that luck factor if its favorable, you enjoy all aspects of this beautiful life. Or else, you just see some glimpses of this beautiful life and struggle to balance the unpredictable life(which decides your course of life). 


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Comparing Daughter and Daughter-in-law!!

Almost everyday I see a post in social media, that compares a daughter and a daughter in law. They go viral in no time and people seem to be liking them, reposting them. Many a times I feel irritated to see them, sometimes I do ignore and sometimes I feel like replying to such posts. Why??

I do not understand why there is a need to compare a daughter with a daughter-in-law. If I am daughter to one family, I am daughter-in-law for the other family. If its always that a daughter enjoys privileges over a daughter-in-law then I do enjoy the same in my family and I do not enjoy the same in my in-laws place. So, where is the need that I should compare myself with my sister-in-law?? After all she is the daughter of the house and she should get that privilege of being the  daughter. Is not it greed in our mind that makes us want that privilege to be given to us in our in-law's place. If we need that privilege are we ready to give up the privilege in our parents home for the shake of your sister -in-law?? Huh, I am sure no body would do that. But, everyone want that amazing feeling of being treated like a daughter in both homes.

There are posts which compare how happy a mother becomes when son-in-law listens and helps in doing chores with daughter but she does not like her son to do the same with the daughter in -law. This also is basically same. If a mother is so happy to have a son-in-law like that she should understand there is another mother (mother of son-in-law) who is very sad because your beloved daughter is making her son to do all that you do not wish your son should do for your daughter-in-law.

I feel instead of comparing daughter and daughter-in-law or son and son-in-law, everyone should think of ideal situation and ways of leading a life that can be run in that same fashion for a longer period of time. All these things do not run for long. Be it daughter/daughter-in-law or son/son-in-law with the added responsibility each day, things change and the drama of showcasing love and care reduces. Love remains but the extra attention, care vanishes as we age. To me it appears best to compare a daughter-in-law with a son-in-law. Both are the lateral addition to a family and come from different family, background. When we compare a daughter to a daughter-in-law the basic problem is you know the daughter really well. How she thinks, acts everything from the childhood. If she does say something rudely also, parents instantly understand why she did it. But when it comes to daughter-in-law, she is new to a family and you never know how she reacts or responds to different situations that life brings in.

Now, why I say comparing daughter -in-law with son-in-law would be ideal? Its because the expectation from son-in-law is very minimal. Just like Amit Tandon(stand up comedian) says all that is expected out of a boy in India is, he should be born. That's it. Parents do not expect the son-in-law to call them daily. If he never calls, no body complains, why?? They assume its his nature, may be he is like that. If son-in-law visits home and does not talk much, they say he is silent kind of a person. No extra expectation from a son-in-law. But, when it comes to daughter-in-law , she has to call everyday or may be every other day. She should cook as per the liking of everyone. She should mingle with everyone. She should give respect to elders and love to younger ones. The list is pretty long. That's why no parent tend to educate their son on how to behave with in-laws but they are always ready with a long list on how their daughter should behave at in-laws place.

Yes, lately things are changing and I see lot of issues in marriage because of the girls behavior. As per the TV shows also such things are becoming more common in socially backward groups. Why?? These girls from rural areas just live in a dream land. They do not understand what it takes to settle in urban area. How finance will work for them? Even if husband earns meagre amount, she wants to enjoy the life in urban place, without understanding that she will have to stay in a single room in slum area. She has to cook, sleep, keep her belongings in that small room. It is in best interest that she be in village and enjoy life with decent home than put up in a dirty, dingy place. From where to do they get this idea of living in cities comes. All thanks to our TV soaps. More or less these daughter and daughter-in-law comparison is also erupting out of the baseless TV soaps.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

A question to my Lord Jagannath!!

Hi All,

Its after long time that I have decided to blog today. Today, morning while praying suddenly one question erupted in mind. I asked it to Jaga Kalia, while his big round eyes were still gazing at me. Then I just discussed same thing with my mom and my aunt. Now, finally at night I decided to post this view here in blog for everyone.

Why it appears that some people get a blessed life full of joy, happiness and things that would envy others, while some get a miserable life, full of problems? Mostly, it appears people who never listen to their parents, they think less about others and are more self centered enjoy their whole life. But, the one who thinks of others before self is always trapped in problems. And when God creates this universe, he creates humans and he protects them, then why cant he maintain a balance in their life. Why at all he has punish one from the childhood and let other enjoy life throughout.

Its not that one person committed some bad Karma in past life and is repaying always. I understand bad karma gives bad result. But, what about the good deeds that same person makes in this life. Can't he enjoy and be blessed for his good Karma as well.

We all keep on forwarding messages of great people who have succeeded in overcoming life's misery and have managed to gain popularity. But, there could be million others with similar life's misery and may be they would have lost the battle without succeeding, what about them. One man like Colonel Harland Sanders could manage to overcome misery at age of 65, but there could be many more with similar fate, who would have lived a life of misery.

We advice others to maintain a good balance in life. Its easy to say and do for some, as life blesses them with what they want in just the time they need it. What about the rest who struggle to achieve simple happiness of life? People come and easily say " Time is running out, you should work towards this before its late". But, the miserable person has to still post a fake smile and say yes its all in God's hand. Because that person knows its beyond his/her strength to get something that appears for the adviser as something that can be easily achieved.  My question to my beloved Lord Jaga is when he can see through the miseries of people, why cant he make a balance in everyone's life. Why he has to give all happiness to one and make the other miserable through out life. Its not there is no misery for the one in happiness, but it is much smaller for with respect to the miserable one.

Take for example this story of a girl. A girl is born, may be the third girl to her parents, who did not love her since she was a girl. They waited for a boy and girl, they just want to do their duty. The girl spent her childhood hoping to trying to see love in her parents eye. When she grew up, she studied hard, got a job. Loved a guy madly and wanted him to respect that. But, when the Guy had to marry her, he left because he wanted something else. She then waited and finally married another guy, but did not get the love that she wanted. She then thought of having child. But got to know she has issues their too. Struggled hard and waited long to achieve that. And this goes on.

While another girl born to other family got pampered from beginning. Got all the love & pampering. Did not try to study hard but  was blessed with good memory and knowledge. Scored high and got dream job. Fell in love and got married to same guy. She went around the world and had enough money to buy whatever she likes. She got child exactly when she wanted to start a family. And this went on till end of her life.

Both the girls were good at heart persons and never did anything harmful to others. So, Lord Jagannath, do you really enjoy misery of first girl and happiness of second that you planned life this way. You could have mixed there happiness and sorrows to give each of them a mixture of both. But, you never did. So, you failed to maintain balance in their lives. Its pathetic to think and plan life to be balanced. Because that balance was not created by the creator.So, what can a man do? He can just lead a life. Someone, might get blessed at a later part like the owner of KFC at age of 65, but all are not lucky enough.

Dear lord Jagannath, you celebrate life journey during this nine days festival of Rath Yatra, you do no partiality on basis of caste, creed, religion or region. But, what about the fate that is created by you. Do you give a balanced fate to all? the answer is NO. Why this partiality? Why cant it be fare?

------------------------------------------------Jai Jagannath--------------------------------------------------

Friday, January 8, 2016

Thank you Brave hearts!!

Life is beautiful thing.To enjoy beauty of life, you need to give wings to your imagination and freedom to your heart that roams without fear. However, is it easy as it is said? Certainly not. As someone said "Freedom is not free". This phrase we hear every day, but few understand what it means. A bit of introspection would reveal the fact that we enjoy a lot of freedom. The freedom for which we need not have to fight. Someone fought for it, gave up their life so that we can enjoy this freedom. That someone whom we do not even know, imagined how important it would be to have freedom and dedicated their life to fight for this cause and gave us freedom. Today, "someone" still continues to safeguard that freedom.

That doctor who is saving life, that engineer who is inventing things, the architect who is shaping up our dreams, that politician who can dare to speak against armed forces in disrespectful way, can do so because that "someone" is standing tall at the borders, ensuring our safety. He can go to the extend of going down in glory, all he expects in return is victory of his nation.

No matter how much you praise him, the soldier still deserves to be praised and thanked for every breath that we take. The dreams and aspirations of every individual, has blossomed into reality because of these Brave Hearts, that are ever willing to protect us from the evil. Not only do they safeguard borders, they do real life stunts to reach the unreachable areas affected by disaster.

Having said all this, what do I expect? Do I expect you to praise them? No not at all, Their deeds command that. All that I expect is you respect them, respect the people in Armed Forces.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Feeling Nostalgic

Hi Readers,

Today, I am feeling nostalgic. It happens to all, we miss our childhood days always.

 Last Diwali, got a chance to meet two of my old buddies. I always wanted to meet some more, but in a five days trip, I spend two days on performing puja. All thanks to my friends who managed and dropped in my home. I wish I could get more time. I went to Jajpur again for a special puja, visited Biraja temple, Jama maa sata bhauni temple(also known as sapta matruka temple), Jagannath temple. That day morning, I was literally wishing that Rupa would visit Biraja temple, with her kids, and I get some chance to chit chat. I know I could have called her, informed her or would have requested her to visit temple, but I knew I will be busy and may be I won't get time to talk to her. So, just kept wishing that she comes to temple, and I get to see her coincidentally.

After, the long puja, when we visited Jama maa sata bhauni temple along with Jagannath temple, all my school memories came alive. My school had shifted its base long back, and the old three room building stood abandoned. When I was a child, it appeared quiet big to me, the Jagannath temple looked big enough and the road looked wide. But, now it appears so very tiny to me. I stood their watching me as a small kid playing with friends, running inside temple compound. Memories came alive of all the yoga classes that was held in temple premises. Our sports day on other bank of Baitarani river. Playing, falling doing kattis and mittis with friends. Gone are those very beautiful days of life, where we never worried and just spend our days playfully.

I just wished I would have never grown up, and could enjoy same leisurely time with friends. When I met my friends in Cuttack, I never had imagined that we could. Post marriage, moving to other places, having a new family to handle, it is tough for girls to keep up with friends. We all  become occupied with our own stuff, and specially people like me who live in another city it is hard to manage and get time out to come back and meet with friends. When I met Nisha and Sagarika, our talks started with we all look almost the same, as we were in school. Then we spend time sharing and talking about our batch mates, our school. I know I can meet them again when I visit Cuttack. But,when will I be visiting Cuttack again?

Thanks to social networking sites and Whatsapp, we are in touch, we get to watch pictures of our friends. But, those bonding of childhood is what I really miss today.No mobiles, no internet and we shared so much. I wish again I could go back to school, Nisha and Sandhya would teach me bicycle ride, or we celebrate birthdays and enjoy in park.

Few days back got a message to join in a cricket match with school friends in Cuttack and a party post match. But, as always I am again going to miss this reunion party. I can just watch my friends enjoying in pictures, dancing and having fun. That is what I can do virtually. I wish I had a better choice to make. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Showing Respect not Demanding respect

Hi Readers,

Today, again I am back with one of my previous post on Respect. I had written already why we touch feet of elders in Indian custom. Today, while surfing I came across a beautiful blog, where the blogger had a topic on showing respect. She very well made her points clear that demanding respect by imposing rules is not correct. Well said.

Traditions, customs and the way we socialize evolves everyday. What we perceive as manner and etiquette, might be different for others. It is our way. Whether its touching feet, namaskar or saying "hello" in western culture, all symbolize social etiquette. There is nothing wrong with adapting one form and leaving the other.

However, I feel its more of adapting to western culture that we teach our children not to fold hands and do Namaskar, but greet elders by  saying "hello". Though there is certainly nothing wrong in adapting this form, but why do we have to discard our way of showing respect? I do not feel that we need to prove that we are modern so we have to replace our way of showing respect with western way. Yes, being in IT industry, I respect western people with their customs and values. I do not feel that they should adapt our way, instead I feel comfortable by greeting them with "Hello" and calling them by their first name, however old they are to me. But, yes I really like when my colleague in US says "Sukriya" instead of a thanks. That's awesome is not it. If they can adapt our culture, we can do the same for them.

However, having said that, do we need to change our way in our respective society. The answer is simple NO. Why, because it is unnecessary exaggeration of things. I am not a person who would impose someone to respect me or show me respect. But, yes if a little one comes and happily touches my feet, I am happy and excited enough to bless them. If they want to say me "Hello", I am equally blessing them when I reply them with a "Hello". Respect is something that comes from within for people who earn it. Respect is something which comes through our work.

Here, I want to illustrate one small example from Mahabharata.

One day, Krishna and Arjuna were passing by one village while gossiping, Arjuna asked Krishna, why he thinks Karna is role model for Dana(donations) and not he(Arjuna) himself.

Krishna didn't answer him straight away and thought a little demonstration would be the apt way to make him understand. Wanting to teach him an important lesson, Krishna snapped his fingers and came up with an idea.

Krishna came up with a challenge for both!

The mountains beside the path they were walking on turned into gold. Krishna said “Arjuna, distribute these two mountains of gold among the villagers, but you must donate every last bit of gold”.

Arjuna went into the village, and proclaimed he was going to donate gold to every villager, and asked them to gather near the mountain. The villagers sang his praises and Arjuna walked towards the mountain with a huffed up chest. For two days and two continuous nights Arjuna shoveled gold from the mountain and donated to each villager. The mountains did not diminish in their slightest.
Most villagers came back and stood in queue within minutes. After a while, Arjuna, started feeling exhausted, but not ready to let go of his ego just yet, told Krishna he couldn't go on any longer without rest.

Krishna then called Karna. “You must donate every last bit of this mountain, Karna” he told him. Karna called two villagers. “You see those two mountains?” Karna asked, “those two mountains of gold are yours to do with as you please” he said, and walked away.

Arjuna sat dumbfounded and wondered ‘Why hadn't this thought occurred to him?’.

And here’s the answer (and a great lesson)!
Krishna smiled mischievously and told him “Arjuna, subconsciously, you yourself were attracted to the gold, you regretfully gave it away to each villager, giving them what you thought was a generous amount. Thus the size of your donation to each villager depended only on your imagination. Karna holds no such reservations. Look at him walking away after giving away a fortune, he doesn't expect people to sing his praises, he doesn’t even care if people talk good or bad about him behind his back.

In this context, Karna had earned the respect as Danavir(respect for donations he made). He was not behind people or not demanding to be respected for this. However, people respected him for his deeds, for his helping nature. The same holds true for us. If we demand to be respected for something that we have done, or for our age or any other thing, the demand itself looses our credibility for the same. We need to teach young ones to show respect, but we should not be demanding respect from everyone around us. That will make us look judgmental and silly at times. Instead, our focus has to be on the work we do, our focus should be to do good work and that will generate respect by itself. If we do donations with a heart to get respect in return, that will never come true.

Take for example, Mother Teresa, she came to India, and started helping poor and under privileged. Her focus was on serving others, she never focused on what the person has to say after she cared for them in need. Her work gave her respect, it gave an Nobel prize too. But, that was a by-product of her service to mankind. Had she demanded respect and honor, do you think she would have got this highest honorary award?

So, the gist is show respect but never demand respect in return.


Friday, March 13, 2015

"Prayer and how it helps us"

Hi Readers,

This article is based on the interview of Swamiji(forgot his name), he is follower of Dayananda Saraswati on Prayer. Dayananda saraswati was against Idol worship and he used to relate logically to God.

We often say that its all in Karma, Good Karma will produce good results and vice versa. So, why is Prayer required and what will it do?

Ans - Its true Good Karma produces good results and vice versa. And prayer gives us strength and ability to face and take difficult situation. That means in order to achieve good results, we need to keep doing good work, put in all our sincere and dedicated effort. So, if we are in this process of doing good karma, why we need prayer and if I do not pray how is it going to hamper me? This is a very valid question is not it? If its all in our work, and good Karma, why do we need to pray at all? Prayers gives us strength and ability to take on difficult situation. Its not that Prayer can amend our mistakes, but they can definitely give you that self confidence to take on challenging situation in your life.

Take for example, if a student do not study, but continuously pray to God that "Please God, give me 1st division in my exam." Is he going to achieve this?  No, right. Why? Because, without his effort to study and learn, he can not score high in exam. So, prayers alone cannot overcome all the challenges in life. Our sincere and dedicated effort is required to do so.

But, then why we say prayers are important. Prayers are needed to give us that confidence, mental strength and courage to face challenges. It helps us in sticking to the right path in life and not deviate towards wrong path. So, be it any religion, all preach to pray. All the holy scriptures prescribe to pray from heart. In this process, it is not at all mandatory to stick to any basic rule like wearing a particular kind of cloth, sitting or standing on a kind of posture or have lamps, candle's, incense stick and flower's etc. Then why we do all this? Yes, wearing a neat and clean cloth(particular kind of cloth), taking bath, cleaning the place of prayer, lighting lamps, incense stick and decorating with flower's help our mind to concentrate on a supreme power. It helps us prepare and fix our mind, soul and heart to that supreme power. It also makes us feel positive.

How it makes us positive? Keeping a place tidy, having good fragrance or  aroma, proper decoration with flowers etc add to positive vibes. They make us feel good. Taking shower, dressing properly makes us feel good from within, so we pray to Supreme power more effectively. Our prayers become more effective. This is why, in most of our festivals it is mandatory to first clean your house, decorate it, prepare good food and then place it before the supreme Lord and pray from heart. If we can still keep our focus on Supreme power, it is never restricted to pray while doing any work, be it travelling or doing any household chores.

But, yes we should never confuse that if we are praying we will not face challenges. We will face it, but our prayers will give us strength to be in right path in those tough times. We will come out as winners, if we do good Karma and be positive.


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