You must be feeling from the title of my post that I am in negative state of mind. Yes, I am going through a very tough phase of life and I am feeling choked. All doors appears to be closed to me. I am feeling like traveling through a dark tunnel which appears not to end, I do not see light peeping through any small hole.
Let me explain, I am sure many of you might have had gone through similar phase. I am recently blessed with a son and I am in Maternity leave which is about to end in 4 months time. I had C-section and I am currently with my parents trying to figure out how to handle my little munchkin all by myself. The problem is I have to handle my grown up kid(MY DEAR HUSBAND) and my infant, handle a house and handle a job too that do not permit me to work on my flexibility. Owing to my financial state, I cannot even think of sitting at home. In office, my manager wants newbies to pick up my task. Uff!! too much is not it.
All the dear working ladies out there, I must salute you. 10 years back when I got my first job, I was in an impression that working women are INDEPENDENT. But, now I must agree that all WORKING MOTHERS are actually dependent on so many people. They are SUPER DEPENDENT individuals who has to rely on their baby sitter or creche. If they are lucky they have parents or in-laws to support. Also in this middle age group, parents come up with health issues, which adds to the concern list.
In middle age so many issues erupt that someone has to master to keep balance with everything. If you slip little here or their you tend to fall. Especially, women have to balance lot more things. Having peace of mind is something that is difficult to achieve in these kind of atmosphere. This is great time for me to sit back and enjoy my long long holidays that I might not achieve again in near future. But, my thinking brain tends to make me wonder of that future which is waiting to unfold. Its making me afraid and kind of sad and not allowing to utilize this time to focus on the happiness.
I must confess that life has never been easy for me. Its been ten long years, from the time I started working that something or the other keeps my thinking mind feel anxious. Still, with the faith in god I have walked these ten long years and still walking it bravely. I wish everyday that my life be little less complicated be little more easy.However, anyone can walk the path that is easy. It needs courage, strength and faith to walk the path that is less easier. I am proud that I am braving my way through that path which is less easy. I just need little more blessing from the lord to travel through this path without making much mistakes.
In all these years I have felt that there is something mysterious(you name it god/supreme power/destiny) but that has the capability to change anything that you have planned.Nothing works as per our desire or plan.Something beyond our capacity has the control and it operates us. So, that luck factor if its favorable, you enjoy all aspects of this beautiful life. Or else, you just see some glimpses of this beautiful life and struggle to balance the unpredictable life(which decides your course of life).