Why me???

Hi Readers,

I have been trying to convince one my dear one to deal with a difficult situation from past one month. I learnt many things in this process. Sometimes, I find it easy to console and convince someone to just look for the blessings that they have received. However, when its me who deals  with such situation, I still need someone especially my Mom to hear me and to console me as long as she can do. I do not know how best I can describe about it, she is my Mom and my best friend. She always says never to leave one alone, when they need you the most. In my family if someone is sad, then my Mom is always by his/her side. She goes on and  on explaining, convincing and consoling the person till he/she feels comfortable.

Now, as I am her daughter this attitude is also with me. I never leave my dear ones alone when they need me. They might find it stupid, silly or annoying that I go behind them, explaining and convincing stupid things to lift up their spirit. In this process, I try to read facts online, many self help tips to help others deal with difficult situation, how to pull them out of depression etc. Its really easy when you try to help others, but not yourself. I found many useful and handy quotes from famous personalities that help you and make you realize  what you have received so far. There are some things that we should not forget even if we are depressed.
I am trying to outline as many points as I could do.

1- Stop thinking "Its all my fault"- You need to ask yourself, is it really my fault? Was the situation within my control? Did I knew that I am about to make a mistake? If unknowingly you have made a mistake, then do not grudge yourself. If you feel the situation was within your control, then think I will do it differently next time. Life is not about making mistakes. Life is about how to recover from that mistake and that is what defines us.

2-Life is not perfect - Life is not perfect, nor we all are perfect. That is why there is erasers on pencil, for our mistakes. Do not try to be perfect, because that is impossible.

3- Forgive yourself - Instead of beating yourself up in mind, just tell yourself it is OK to make mistake, and everyone does.

4- Practice gratitude - When negative thoughts erupt in your mind, think of all the blessings that you have received. Stop thinking ,"Why me?" . We all think that all the problems are with us and others are simply enjoying life. Reality is everyone is suffering in one form or other. When we were born, we never selected our parents, we did not select the family we were born, the love and affection we got from our elders. We never question why we received that love, care and affection? But, when there is slightest of trouble , the first thought is "Why me?" Stop such thoughts by being grateful for all that you received.

5- Never loose your faith on Almighty - If you believe in God, then do not stop this belief when you are sad. Nobody forced you to belief, it was you who choose to believe in God, ask for his blessings. Then when its difficult time, why to stop it. In every religion, it is said that when we face difficulty, God walks holding us in his arm. So, think this way that he is carrying you in his arm so that you can feel least pain, however, he cannot stop the pain altogether. He will try his best to pull you out of this but it will certainly take some time. You need to wait patiently.

If you are atheist, then do not loose your confidence even if its too hard. You are a strong believer that there is no super natural power, but some situation are beyond your control. You have to accept the odd and move on with confidence.

6- Never be biased by others views - Sometimes, situations are really worse and others views add on to it. Stop hearing all those views. People always try to pull you down. When situation is not favoring you, it is best time for them to pull you further down. Except few of your dear ones, others especially those who are your competitors would try to take advantage of this situation. They would try to make things look larger than what it actually is. They would try giving you advise in such a way that it works against you. Keep your calm, and take any decision only on your firm belief. Never be biased by such people.

7- Be Positive - From your childhood, you would have achieved a lot. Think of all the difficult times, and think how you took those as challenge and how you came out stronger and outperforming. Those are your positive energy which molded you in right direction. Same way, your own self is going to guide you through this phase. You are going to be again outperforming, reaching new high.

8- Do things that you like - Keep my words, our mind is fool, always try to fool it by saying, "All is well". It really works. divert your attention. Think this way, I have 24hrs a day to be sad. Can I steal 1 hr to be happy? I can be sad anyway after this 1 hr. Now, decide what can make you feel happy. Day dreaming, painting, playing anything that you like.

9- Do not postpone small yet achievable goals for the bigger ones - When we are happy, we plan so many things, we plan in advance what we can achieve. Out of all those few things is under your control, if you wish you can get them done just now. Try doing them. Do not postpone these small yet achievable goals for the bigger ones.

10- Do not be envious of others - The worst part of bad times is it makes us envious of others. Stop thinking about all your friends, colleagues etc who achieved what you wanted. Stop comparing yourself with others. You are different and you are unique.

11- Always love yourself - Nobody can be like you. Nobody can walk better in your shoes. You are the best to deal with these odd situations and still you are fighting, you will not give up. So, you need to be loved,  its you who can love yourself first before others start loving you.

12- Let go  - Emotional pain is hardest to recover. But, you can let it go. Remember not to hurt anyone emotionally, it is too painful, is not it?Never give the pain to someone, which you are feeling at the moment, you know how hard it is to receive that pain. 

Anger

Hi Readers,

Today, I am going write about basic human emotion "Anger". There are many articles published on anger management, however very few individual have full control on anger.

The first question is "Why we get angry?" This happens mostly when our need be it emotional, physical or economical does not get satisfied. There is also another factor situation, some situation irritates us so much that we eventually vent out our emotion in form of anger. Though we cannot change the circumstances which makes us angry, we definitely can control our emotion. History of this world has changed many a times by the human being who channelized anger in an effective and constructive way.

Anger is a form of fire inside us. If we can use it to light a candle then it will fill in light and remove the darkness from our life. However, if we are unable to control our anger, it could cause a huge fire which can burn down our beautiful life ahead. Take for example Mahatma Gandhi, we all know his anger when he was thrown out of train. He channelized his anger in such a beautiful way that it spread light in two continents. He managed his anger to not only light a lamp for him self but for a huge mass of people.

In every holy scriptures be it Bible, Kuran or Gita, Patience, tolerance and courage has been valued above all other emotions. When we pray, we should ask our almighty to give us patience, tolerance and courage to over come the miseries of this world. We need to manage anger in such an effective way that we do not vent out in slightest agitation. When pressure builds on us, slow down and count form 1 to 10 before you show your emotions. Meditation and immense faith on God also helps in controlling anger.

Calumny:- What is in our mind is uttered by our tongue for good or for evil.

Hi Readers,

Today I am going to post about Calumny or Slander. In Web I came across a story called Calumny of Apelles. It talked about how Calumny hampers someone's social image and the effect of this. Apelles after being accused by a fellow artist Antiphilos of conspiracy and false charges in front of King of Egypt was accused in Public. After Apelles had been proven innocent, he dealt with the rage for desire to revenge by painting this picture back in 15th century.

The picture depicts, an innocent man being dragged by the personification of Calumny, Malice, Fraud and Envy. They are followed to one side as Remorse as an old woman turning to face the naked truth, who is pointing towards Heaven. The nakedness of truth places her with an relationship with the youth,whose folded hands are an appeal to higher power.

On the right side of the picture, the King is sitting on the throne with large ears resembling the Donkey's ears. Two woman namely Ignorance and Suspicion are constantly whispering on to his Donkey's ears. Thus, the King here symbolizes a person of rash and foolish nature. His eyes are lowered, so as he is unable to see what is happening and thus is unable to provide justice.

This picture and its symbolic meaning is so true. Since man is a social being he absolutely needs human society in order to grow to full maturity as a man. Consequently, whatever militates against human community is contrary to man's nature, contrary to the will of God and therefore forbidden by God.


 "Lies of convenience", that is, lies told in order to extricate oneself from an embarrassing situation, normally do not damage the reputation of another. If successful, they are known only in the depths of the conscience of the one who told them. There are different kinds of statements that injure the reputation of another.


It is possible to injure another's good name either by telling lies about that person or by revealing hidden faults which should not be revealed. To tell lies about another person is called calumny or slander. To reveal the hidden faults or sins of another without sufficient cause, in such wise that the person's reputation or good name is seriously damaged, is called the sin of detraction.


A good name is something that we earn by reason or our good deeds. It concerns the public estimation of a person's intellectual and moral excellence. In a very read sense, a person's good name is his or her property — it belongs to the person concerned as a strict right. Hence the violation of a person's good name is a sin against the virtue of justice.

The good name or reputation of another can be damaged, or even totally destroyed, in a number of ways. To calumniate another is certainly to ruin his good name and so to do him an injustice.In the case of both calumny and detraction, depends upon the gravity of the injury done to the other party. The sin can be either venial or mortal, depending on the circumstances.


 A person who has lied about another can often right the wrong he has done by retracting the lie and stating the truth. In the case of detraction the situation is more difficult, since it is not a matter of lying but of revealing the hidden sins or faults of another that should not be revealed in these circumstances. Frequently little can be done in the practical order. One cannot deny the statements since they actually are true; to deny them would be to add a lie to the previous detraction. Some moralists recommend, in this situation, apologies and praise of the person's good points.

Do you know what a rash judgment is? It is an internal act of the mind by which one person attributes evil actions or motives to another without any kind of evidence for such a judgment. A rash judgment is a kind of lie to oneself. Such judgments damage another person in our own eyes, when there is no really objective reason for doing so. Because of our fallen human nature we all tend to make rash judgments about others — often without even reflecting on what we are doing. It is especially easy to judge rashly people we do not like, people who have offended us, people who differ from us in one way or another. It is unreasonable to make rash judgments. Such judgments involve a misuse of our interior faculties, especially our mind and our will.

What is in our minds is eventually uttered by our tongues. The tongue is a small member of the body, but it possesses great power — either for good or for evil.

Happiness

What is Happiness? What makes people happy? Will more money do it? We have heard of many rich people who commit suicide. Is it fame which makes people happy? We have heard of many celebrities who commit suicide too. Then why these people, so fortunate to have lots of money and fame commit suicide.

Are they not having lot more luxuries and power ? What is that which makes them so vulnerable to commit suicide ? What is that which turns them to be addicted to drugs ? In almost every motivational books, self help book it says to look for the happiness within us. Then why we try to find the happiness with other things like money,fame  and power.

Yes, its true without money, there will never be any kind of happiness, but the greed to acquire more, will it give us happiness? Money can definitely give momentary happiness. When you buy a new house, a car or any electronic gadget it definitely makes you happy for that day. But, when you remain in it for some days, that feeling of happiness goes. The same with work place and any other relationship.

The job and the bigger pay check can make you happy, but after a month the paycheck looks the same. Basically, what makes you happy is the personal growth and the feeling that you are contributing something. The feeling that you matter, and you are part of something big is what makes you happy.

You feel frustrated when you see, there is no value of what you do, what you say and you are taken for granted. Sometimes, knowingly and sometimes life puts us in such situation, when you have no value, everything seems to be meaningless. Nobody seems to be happy with your decision and you feel your feelings are taken for granted. That is when it becomes frustrating and you want to revolt. But, the question is, is it really possible to fight against everything? No, however your acceptance to everything is also not going to solve this.Then, what should be done. All your near and dear ones try to console you, some advise to think positive. And stop blaming yourself. The biggest problem is you don't blame yourself for the misery that you face, but the miserable condition that you have created for others. What do you do? Will you just leave this at the hand of God and wait and watch. Or do you believe in doing something to improve this condition.

This is when you feel life gives just one choice that is to accept, even if you don't want to. In fact, someone forces you to what is called destiny. Destiny and destination, one is fate and other your goal. Whom shall you choose? How will you accept something which is morally incorrect, might be inhumane too.

But, this is the dance of life. No choice just acceptance. You can cry or laugh but the thing remains the same. This is when you feel bad things do happen to good people. You just need to try and find ways to see you make a difference, you are not taken for granted. Fate decides how sooner or later you get back this feeling and the happiness out of it.

Some people being parent are happy, becoz they see a new life and nurture and pamper to make what they wanted to be. Some are happy by acquiring new properties, gadgets etc. Some are happy when they make a better life for someone else.  However, the basic remains the same, the feeling of making a difference and the feeling of not being taken for granted.