वक़्त और ज़िन्दगी !!

 यह वक़्त हमें हर गम के साथ जीना 

सीखा देता है 

धीरे धीरे यह हमें हर दर्द के साथ 

जीना सीखा देता है 

वक़्त ज़िन्दगी से मुश्किलों को 

नहीं हटाता है 

बस हमें तज़ुर्बा दे कर हर मुश्किलों

का सामना करना सीखा देता है 

Thankful Hearts : A Gathering of Hope!!

 Once upon a time in a small town, there lived a woman named Grace. Known for her kind heart and bright smile, she was the neighbor everyone leaned on. But as Thanksgiving approached, Grace faced challenges that felt insurmountable.

Last spring, she had lost her job due to company downsizing. It came as a shock, especially since she had dedicated over a decade to her work. With her savings dwindling and bills piling up, worry began to shadow the warmth of her home. Shortly after, her mother fell ill, requiring care and attention. Balancing job hunting and caregiving left Grace exhausted and overwhelmed.

As Thanksgiving drew near, her heart was heavy. The holiday was often a time of joy and gratitude, but this year, it felt more like a reminder of what she had lost. Still, a flicker of determination glimmered within her. She had a choice to make—she could sink into despair or find a way to be thankful amidst the storm.

One evening, as she was sitting by the window, watching the leaves fall, Grace reflected on her life. She noticed the beauty of the sunset painting the sky—a brilliant blend of orange and pinks. It reminded her that even the day’s end could be beautiful, despite the darkness. That thought sparked something in her.

With a heavy heart yet a resolute spirit, Grace decided to host a Thanksgiving gathering for those in the community who might also be feeling isolated or struggling. She sent out invitations to a few neighbors she knew had faced hardship: the single father down the street, the elderly couple always looking out for her, and a young woman who had recently moved to town and seemed lonely.

She spent the days leading up to Thanksgiving preparing. With limited funds, she dug through her pantry and made a simple menu of lentil soup, roasted vegetables, and a little apple pie for dessert. While cooking, she sang softly, recalling the memories of Thanksgivings past—her mother’s laughter filling the kitchen and the aroma of her favorite dishes.

On Thanksgiving Day, Grace set her modest table adorned with a few handmade decorations. When her guests arrived, they were greeted with warmth and the scent of warm food. The atmosphere filled with laughter and stories, shared joys and sorrows. Grace noticed how the room filled with a sense of community, reminding her that connection, love, and support often shone through in the darkest times.

As they sat down to eat, Grace offered a heartfelt prayer. “Thank you, Almighty, for this food, for these wonderful people gathered here, and the strength to face our challenges together. May we support one another as we journey through this life.”

In her heart, she felt a shift. It was in that moment of gratitude that she recognized the love that still surrounded her—friends who cared, moments of joy in shared laughter, and the resilience she found deep within herself.

After dinner, they shared stories of gratitude. While some spoke of estates and successes, Grace and the others shared tales of overcoming adversity. Each story woven together, creating a rich tapestry of hope and community.

By the end of the night, when everyone had left with full bellies and hearts, Grace sat alone in the residual warmth of the gathering. She understood that though life was challenging and uncertain, there was always a reason to give thanks. She realized that, even through tears and trials, there was beauty in resilience and strength in togetherness.

From that Thanksgiving on, Grace made it a tradition to host a gathering each year. What started as a way to cope turned into an opportunity to uplift others. She found that in giving thanks and sharing light, even in the darkest times, she blossomed with hope and faith, moving forward with gratitude in her heart.

Margashira Masa Gurubar!!

 Today, being the second Thursday of Margashira Masa. We Odia's worship Maa Lakshmi. And alpana is decorated in homes to welcome Maa Lakshmi. Here I post some pics of the Alpana I did.

Real meaning of Detachment!!

 I heard a powerful 1 min talk from a spiritual guru that I admire. He was talking about real meaning of Detachment. 

He said, " Going away is not detachment. Staying with them and not being affected by them is detachment. Not talking to them is not detachment but talking to them yet not being affected is real detachment. Detachment is not when someone goes away but being okay with their presence. " Wow it's much more hard than it appears in these sentences is not it..

And a story of Mandodari and Ravana came to mind. Mandodari kept telling Ravana that do not fight with Ram or keep Sita in your captive. Ram is an incarnation of lord Vishnu yet Ravana did not listen to her. She kept praying, doing yajnas still Ravana did not change his mind. Her name is chanted during marriages reminding how devoted she was to her husband. But, her plea was not heard by her husband. Did she succeed in detachment?? I don't know.. 

What would a guru tell me when you want to detach yourself from your close relationships like your spouse or your kids. Being in a family yet detached from the pain or pleasure that these close relationships bring to us. Is it possible? How will one succeed in that?? I wish I get an answer to this in a few days. 

A Desire beyond time!!

 In the shadows of my heart, a longing burns bright,

A desire to meet you, my guiding light.

So fierce is this wish, it travels through time,

If not in this life, then in death’s quiet rhyme.

Life, with its lessons, teaches me to let go,

Yet each passing day, my attachment does grow.

I stumble and falter, despite what I learn,

As I yearn for your presence, this ache will not turn.

Oh, why does this urge grip me so tight?

At this stage of my life, it fills me with plight.

Thoughts swirl like whispers, relentless and bold,

My mind, a wild tempest, in longing unfolds.

So here in the quiet, I seek to find peace,

To soften the edges of love that won’t cease.

Yet still, through the chaos, my heart bids me stay,

In the dance of desire, forever, I sway.

Some more from my needle!!

 These are my long long back works, some are as old as 12 to 13 yrs and some even before that. 

My Thoughts on spirituality .

 Yesterday, heard a guru speak about Garuda Purana. I first heard about it in my days at first organization. My team mate who was a devoted Bhramin was reading Garuda Purana when free. Out of curiosity I asked him what was he reading. He answered me that there is a death in his family and they read Garuda Purana during the 13 days of observation. 

I must not stop myself from admitting that Bhramin's in South are much more devoted to their practice and they follow the rituals with so much dedication. One of my other team mate would apply chandan paste over his head and both hands to office. Will a Bhramin guy from my place do that? Might be but never saw anyone so dedicated. Infact I see Bhramin's in my place being the first one to overthrow the rituals and traditional practices. Well I won't judge them for their beliefs but my rational mind definitely questions why they have to set rules for all when they are the ones not to follow? 

After so many years yesterday again heard of Garuda Purana and thus my curiosity began deepening. I just downloaded a copy and started reading. I am reading it to understand what makes me suffer and why sometimes I feel like it's a loop. Can it really fulfill my quest only time can say. How can I fix something for myself and help anyone around me the right way. 

Our scriptures say to naam jaap and I do practice that whenever I can with a thought if Ajamila could get salvation just by calling out to his son Narayan then why can't I do so. Hope this takes me up in my search for going up in spiritual ladder. 

Prathamashtami pics!!

 Showcasing turmeric leafs ( I got a turmeric plant from a local store in Hyderabad), enduri pitha served with Ghuguni ( yellow pea curry) and kheer. 

Prathamasthami : A celebration of firstborns in Odisha!!

 

Prathamastami is a special festival celebrated in Odisha for firstborn children. On this day, the firstborn wears new clothes, and a traditional dish called Enduri Pitha is prepared. Enduri Pitha is a type of stuffed rice cake wrapped in turmeric leaves, giving it a unique aroma. The child’s maternal uncle is responsible for gifting new clothes to his niece or nephew.

Timing and Significance

Prathamastami is observed on the Krushna Paksha Astami during the lunar month of Margasira (November–December). It is one of the most popular festivals in Odisha. The name "Prathamastami" comes from the Odia calendar, where Margasira is considered the first month. Although it is the first Astami of the year, it is celebrated as such, leading some to refer to this month as Agrahyana.

In Hindu tradition, the eldest child, known as Padhuan, is expected to take on significant responsibilities for the family. This festival is celebrated for the well-being, longevity, and prosperity of the eldest child.

Rituals and Customs

In India, firstborns enjoy special privileges and responsibilities. On Prathamastami, the child is adorned with vermillion, sandal paste, and flowers, and is decorated with doob grass and akshata (colored rice). It is customary for the maternal uncle to provide new clothes for the child, who is referred to as astami-bandhu.

During the celebration, families offer five types of grains, leaves, and flowers to the gods, including Lord Ganesh and Ista Devi. A water-filled pitcher, covered with coconut and mango leaves, is worshipped with offerings of sweetmeats, cakes, and curries. The new clothes are also blessed with the sacred pitcher. After the worship, the child wears the new clothes and sits on a wooden pedestal (Pidha). In front of the child, a Kalash (pitcher) is placed on a handful of paddy, topped with a branch of mango leaves and a coconut. The mother or an elderly lady prays to Sathi or Sasthi Devi for the child’s long life and good health.

Special Foods

A highlight of the celebration is the Enduri Pitha, a rice cake filled with sweet stuffing and wrapped in turmeric leaves before being steamed. This dish is first offered to Sasthi Devi, the protector of children, and is known for its distinctive aroma from the turmeric leaves. In some regions of Odisha, a special food item called ashtami badi is prepared in quantities of 14. Other delicacies like Haladi Patra Pitha, Khiri, Mua, and Dalma are also made for the occasion. Enduri Pitha is unique to this festival and is not prepared at other times of the year.

Folklore and Traditions

Like many Odia festivals, Prathamastami has its own folklore. It is believed that on this day, Krishna and Balaram visited their maternal aunt, Raja Kansa, wearing new clothes and were honored in a similar manner. Even Lord Jagannatha follows this sweet tradition, with a special Bandapana arranged for Him. Bada Thakura Balabhadra also adheres to this custom, receiving new clothes from His maternal uncle, Madhabanandajew of Niali. There are also special rituals performed in Shrimandira for Prathamastami.

On this day, the representative deity of Lord Lingaraja, Chandrashekhara, is taken out in a palanquin to Kapali Matha, considered His maternal uncle's home near Papanasini Tank. Lord Lingaraja is offered new clothes and Muan (sweetened rice flake balls) by His uncle, Shri Baruneshwara. Prathamastami is a vibrant celebration that strengthens family ties and honors the firstborn, reflecting the rich cultural heritage of Odisha.

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My preparations for Prathamshtami!!

Tomorrow being Prathamashtami, I am done with preparing the batter for Enduri Pitha, made its stuffing and am all set to prepare Enduri tomorrow morning. We have very few turmeric leaves here in Hyderabad. At least we have some, so we are grateful. I am done cleaning and preparing them for tomorrow. In my household, we all are Pauduan's. I am the eldest child of my family and my husband is the eldest of his family, and we have only one kid. So, its a family celebration for us. Every year my maternal uncles give money to me to purchase clothes of my choice. Well, this usually stops post-marriage for both men and women. But, my maternal uncles have kept it going. My mother is the eldest in her family so they used to send money for both of us. And they still do the same. Now, after my marriage, I am getting money from my maternal uncles, parents, and mother-in-law. At first i used to refuse but then I learned it gives a different kind of pleasure to my maternal uncles so they send it to all their firstborn nephews and nieces. So, I accept it as a blessing from them. The amount that i get from my elders is good enough to buy me several dresses. Lol. 

This time I bought  4 different dresses. It's not very costly but good enough for different occasions. Some other kind of satisfaction is when you buy several clothes all at once. Well, I am still a kid at heart. 

Will share my experiences and pics after tomorrow's celebration. 

Whispers of Hope !!

 In the quiet dusk, when shadows play,

I lift my heart, to the skies I pray.

Oh Almighty, grant me ease and cheer,

Wrap my spirit in kindness, hold it near.

Bestow me strength, like roots of a tree,

Ground my resolve, let me always see.

With wisdom like stars, shining bright above,

Guide my footsteps toward the path of love.

Let compassion flow, like a gentle stream,

Help me uplift those who drift in their dream.

To spread warmth and joy in a world so cold,

Make my heart a sanctuary, brave and bold.

Let my hands be vessels of this sweet grace,

To reach out in kindness, a warm embrace.

To understand the struggles of those in need,

And plant seeds of hope, with every good deed.

Oh, Divine Light, illuminate my way,

Through trials and storms, let me find my sway.

For in giving and sharing, our spirits entwine,

In the art of compassion, our hearts shall shine.

So I pray for strength and a heart open wide,

To welcome the beauty that love can provide.

In harmony's grace, let our lives intertwine,

As we journey together towards the divine.

Finding Strength in Struggle: A mother's quest for Independence!!

Rai felt an overwhelming joy as she cradled her newborn son, the child her husband had always wished for. “Finally, I’m a mother!” she whispered, her heart swelling with happiness. “This is what I’ve always wanted. Maybe now life will feel normal, like it does for other women my age.”

But just as she began to dream of a peaceful life, the clouds rolled in. Her mother-in-law couldn’t bear to see Rai’s happiness. Within a week of her son’s arrival, a silly argument erupted between her in-laws and her parents. “Why can’t they just be happy for us?” Rai thought, frustration bubbling inside her. “Why do they have to make this about them?”

Choosing to side with her parents only deepened the rift. Rai felt the weight of disappointment pressing down on her. “Why can’t they just celebrate this new life with me?” she lamented. Instead, she felt the sting of their judgment, and it chipped away at her mental peace. The joy of motherhood began to fade, replaced by the shadows of postpartum depression. “I need to escape this,” she decided, opting to stay with her parents for a couple of months.

As the days passed, she found herself losing respect for her husband and his family. “Why am I even here?” she thought. “Can’t I survive on my own?” But her family and friends urged her to be patient. “This is just a rough patch,” they said. “Things will get better.” So, she tried to wait it out, hoping for brighter days.

After her maternity leave, she returned to work, juggling the demands of motherhood and her job. But her new status was met with cold shoulders. “No one understands what I’m going through,” she thought, feeling the weight of jealousy from her family. “Why do I have to stay with them? They’re family, but it feels so isolating.”

In her quiet moments, she prayed, “Please, give me the strength to be independent. I don’t want to rely on anyone.” Yet, deep down, she knew she was a social being, navigating through complex relationships and the envy that surrounded her. “Why can’t they see how hard I’m trying?” she wondered, feeling increasingly alone.

Eventually, the pressure from work and home became too much, and she surrendered, quitting her job when her son was just 2.5 years old. “I thought this would bring peace,” she thought bitterly, but instead, she discovered a new side of her husband and his family. They seemed to value money above all else, and their expectations weighed heavily on her. “Why is this happening?” she prayed, feeling sick with worry. “What did I do to deserve this struggle?”

Her heart ached as she reflected on her life. “I just wanted to be happy and make others happy,” she whispered to herself. “But now I feel so alone. Who is really standing by me? The people I thought were mine never really were.” Anguish filled her as she questioned her choices. “Was wanting to be a mother such a selfish act that I’m being punished for it? Now I’ve lost everything—my career, my peace, my sense of self. How will I provide for my son? Will I fail him too?”

Slowly, with each passing day, she began to recover. “I have to try again,” she told herself, determination flickering back to life. “I will find a way to make things easier for myself and my son.” She took a deep breath, ready to face the challenges ahead. “Will I succeed this time?” she wondered, but deep down, she felt a spark of hope. “I have to believe I can. For him, I will keep fighting.”

In the Shadow of Expectations: A Tale of Pregnancy and Perseverance!!

 After a year away, Rai returns to her hometown for a family event. As soon as she arrives, her relatives start asking her about starting a family. Each question cuts deep, stirring up her pain. What would she say? Would she ever become a mother? She doesn’t know. It’s hard for her to hide her feelings, but she has learned to keep her emotions in check, and she puts on a brave face.

Meanwhile, her in-laws begin to show their true colors, blaming her for everything she received as gifts. She had given her jewelry to her mother-in-law because she was traveling to a city where she had no safe place to keep it.

Slowly, Rai discovers that her husband and his family have lied about his job, his health, and their finances. Despite this, she continues to believe in him. She thinks about her past and wonders if she would have left her lover during tough times. Her inner voice says, “No,” so she chooses to keep going, supporting her husband just as she once did for her lover when he struggled in his career.

Then, her lover gets engaged. Rai congratulates him but decides to cut off all contact. She can’t bear to hear about another woman in his life. It hurts even more when he shares pictures of their courtship, doing everything he once promised her but now with someone else. She feels a wave of sadness wash over her. Why does fate deal her such a cruel hand?

Rai questions her past karma. Why does she end up with two men who aren’t good enough for her? Despite everything, she accepts her situation for the sake of her family’s reputation.

As her family continues to ask about starting a family, she reluctantly explains her husband’s condition to her mother. She decides to seek medical help. After examining her husband, the doctors recommend surgery, which they go through with, but it yields no positive results. Her life becomes a whirlwind of work, home, and endless doctor visits. Meanwhile, her lover gets married and has a child, naming the baby in a way that reminds her of their past. It feels like a fresh wound, and she wonders how much more pain she can endure.

Eventually, her husband finds a better job, and she breathes a sigh of relief. But then her work situation changes, and she quickly finds a new job. Life improves slightly; she has a bit more money, yet her personal life remains unchanged. She longs for a child.

The doctors suggest IVF, and Rai faces painful procedures. Each time she enters the operating room, her heart aches. She has to take countless injections to produce extra eggs, and she injects herself daily. With every needle, she silently cries, hoping for a miracle. She pays for the treatment herself, praying that something will finally work in her favor.

After five years of marriage, the IVF dates are set. She calls her parents for support since she works full-time. They come to help, and she gains weight from the treatment. She feels grateful that her husband agreed to this path. At one point, she considered adoption but feared she would feel guilty if she made any mistakes. She wanted to experience pregnancy and the joy of feeling a child kick. With hope in her heart, she commits to the IVF process, despite the toll it takes on her health.

When the doctor shows her two sets of embryos, she feels a wave of relief. But when they suggest delaying the implantation for a month, tears threaten to spill. Another delay? She trusts her doctors and returns when they say. The embryos are finally implanted, and she waits anxiously. After 15 days, the doctors tell her she’s pregnant with one child.

At last, relief washes over her, but anxiety lingers. How should she take care of herself now? Her inner voice reassures her that everything is normal. She decides to listen to that voice and does everything a normal pregnant woman would do, except for the extra injections she must take for three months. These are painful, and she needs help from a nurse.

A week later, she returns to work, visiting the hospital for her painful injections before heading to the office. However, the doctors inform her that she has gestational diabetes due to the steroids from the IVF. Now, she must take insulin three times a day, along with the painful injection that was prescribed earlier. She follows a strict diet while working full-time, keeping her condition a secret.

The real trouble begins when her husband insists he wants a boy. He even threatens to commit suicide if it’s a girl. Rai is shocked. She always dreamed of having a girl. Why does gender matter when they’ve struggled so much to conceive? Isn’t it a blessing to finally be having a child? She prays that it will be a boy, but her respect for her husband begins to fade.

Every doctor visit brings more blame from him. He criticizes her for not gaining enough weight or for the baby’s size. How can he blame her for things beyond her control when having a child is the very reason she married him? She tries to reassure him, reminding him to trust God, but inside, she feels hurt. She’s the one carrying the baby; she needs care and understanding, not criticism.

At six months pregnant, her husband leaves for work and forgets his luggage at the airport. He expects her to go find it. Is he out of his mind? The next month, he asks her to pick up his car from service when he was going to native. Who does that to a pregnant wife? When she expresses her frustration, the third time he was going out of station, he storms out and doesn’t return until the next morning. Rai, unable to sleep, is left alone with her worries.

The following morning, he returns to the house in anger and throws something heavy that hits her hand. She does not cry this time. Just goes back and sleeps taking that as a god's way to punish her. She cries within without sheding a drop of tear.

Her hand has a big brown patch. What would have happened if it would have hurt her stomach. How can he be so rude to her at this stage. Why does she have such a bad fate?Still she forgets it thinking he is anyway father of my child. What can I do now? She works and does not think about it. But, can she forget how she was treated in her pregnancy? Never.

Finally, her child arrives and it's a boy. 

Silent Sacrifices: A Tale of Love and Loss!!

 Rai's marriage was suddenly arranged, and she felt unprepared. Her heart still ached for her lover, who had chosen his family over her. Now, she was doing the same, prioritizing her family’s happiness and reluctantly agreeing to the marriage.

In just two weeks, the wedding would take place. Rai felt the need to call her lover to share her feelings, even though she knew it wasn't necessary. During the call, she found herself asking if he would ever want to be with her again. He firmly said "No." With a heavy heart, she told him about her marriage, forcing a smile to hide her tears.

Rai didn’t know the man she was marrying, nor did she want to. Everyone, including her lover, insisted that everything happens for a reason, as if they knew she would have a wonderful life ahead. But deep down, she didn’t feel that way. Did she have a choice? No. So, she steeled herself for the marriage.

“What is there for me in this marriage? How will I navigate this journey?” she wondered. Her inner voice replied, “Just look your best. Once you have a child, life will move on.” But how could she forget her lover, the one she was so attached to? Her inner voice answered, “You can’t.” Could she love another person the same way? Again, the answer was “No.” But if her husband loved her, she might learn to live with him. It wouldn’t be love, but rather an attachment to share a life together.

When her lover asked about the wedding date, she hesitated. Why did he want to know? He questioned her trust, saying, “Am I that bad?” A smile crept onto her face. She thought, “How can I tell you that I trusted you, still trust you, and always will? Knowing my wedding date makes you feel trusted, so here it is.” Yet, in her heart, she wished he would come and take her away before the wedding, even though she knew he couldn’t.

On her wedding day, she avoided looking at her husband. She went through the motions of taking vows, not caring whether he was watching her. When it was time to leave her family home, she noticed no tears from her father or brother. Her own tears had already dried up when her lover chose someone else. Now she thought, “Why should I cry when everyone seems so happy to send me away?”

On her wedding night, she felt awkward. When her husband approached her, she felt nothing. She wondered why she didn’t feel the butterflies in her stomach like she had when her lover kissed her. She could still remember that kiss, but felt nothing for her husband. It was a strange, emotionless feeling, almost like the experience of a prostitute who gives themselves away without feeling anything. Rai realized how human and vulnerable those prostitute were.

A week later, she discovered her husband had no real interest in her and was pretending otherwise. She had learned that he would need medical help to father a child. Lying on her pillow, she questioned God, “What should I do now? All I wanted was a child to help me through this marriage.” Then she reminded herself, “I married for my family. They are happy, and that’s what matters.” She kept her struggles to herself, trying to find the positives while ignoring the negatives. “At least he can’t hurt me, cant rape me” she thought. “It could be worse.”

When she returned to work, her mixed feelings from the wedding lingered. Her lover checked in on her, and she wished he would make her feel human again. “Just talk to me,” she thought. But she didn’t share her struggles. He suggested planning trips with her husband, and she read those messages, feeling frustrated. “What good would a trip do? My life is already a mess.” She didn’t want to share her problems, but she still craved to talk to him, knowing it couldn’t last forever.

A year later, her lover messaged her again, saying, “You’re with someone now, and I’m still alone.” Anger surged within her. Tears filled her eyes as she responded harshly. Her heart ached to tell him how miserable her life had become. Would it be selfish to share her pain with him? What could he do? Why did everyone push her to marry? They said it was God’s plan, but what if it wasn’t? Why couldn’t her lover have said, “Wait for me”? She would have waited forever. All she could do was accept the life God had chosen for her.

She sent a message that pushed him away, thinking, “Go live a better life than mine. If my defeat means your victory, so be it. I will accept my defeat for you to win. I loved you and will always love you. I will live my life in your memory and hope you find someone better than I could ever be. Go, so you have a fair chance to choose someone.”

Another bottle art!!

 A few years back during Pandemic I learnt this dot mandala technique, didn't purchase any special tool to do any of them. I just used an ear bud, match stick and a normal stick to create all of my bottle art that I have put before including this one.

If you are a newbie then try these things first before you end up buying those fancy dot mandala tools. Sometimes our common sense is better than just wasting money without trying and knowing if we want to pursue that art form. 

Bottle art is a great option to reuse and recycle old bottles. Great option for those who have alcohol drinkers at home. 😂 As you can notice I don't have any alcohol bottles, needless to now say why it's so. 😂 I wish I could..

Veils of Deception:- Jhuma's story!!

Jhuma discovered after her marriage that her husband’s family had lied to her. They had told her that he worked as an officer in a nationalized bank and owned a bus for public transport. But slowly, the truth came out: he was just a clerk, and the bus belonged to a relative of his. This revelation cut deep into Jhuma’s heart. She felt betrayed and wondered why anyone would start a lifelong relationship based on lies.

As if that weren’t enough, her mother-in-law and other relatives constantly pressured her for dowry and criticized her for every gift she received at the wedding. The weight of their expectations crushed her spirit.

A year later, Jhuma became pregnant, but the pressure from her in-laws only grew stronger. They whispered to her husband, and he believed their words without question. Instead of standing by her, he would come home and take out his frustration on her, sometimes hitting her with his belt. During a time when she needed love and support, she found herself in pain and agony.

Jhuma often cried out to God, asking why her sisters-in-law were treated so well in their maternal homes while she, the only daughter in her family, was mistreated. She questioned what she had done wrong to deserve such a life, such a family, and such a husband.

The stress of her situation affected her unborn child, and when she gave birth, the baby girl was mentally disabled. Jhuma felt utterly devastated. She searched for help but found none. For the sake of family dignity, she endured the hardships of her marriage. Eventually, she had a son, and thankfully, he was healthy. It took her husband until he was in his forties to realize that Jhuma was a good woman. For a brief moment, life seemed a little brighter.

However, when her husband turned fifty, he made a poor investment in real estate, taking out a large loan that didn’t pay off. This decision took a toll on his mental health, and he became dependent on medication to cope. When he turned fifty-four, he suffered a brain stroke in their bathroom, and Jhuma rushed him to the hospital.

While she was panicking and trying to save her husband, her relatives cruelly mocked her for the nightdress she wore, showing no understanding of her distress. After ten long days in the hospital, her husband passed away. Now, Jhuma was left with a massive loan, a son still in college, and a daughter who needed special care.

Throughout her life, Jhuma had settled for less, sacrificing her own happiness for the dignity of her family. Now, she faced an even greater challenge. She questioned her fate, her faith in God, and the choices she had made. She wondered what mistakes had led to such a painful life. Would she ever find peace?

Was it fair for her to endure such suffering? What joy had she ever known? How would she raise her two children and meet their needs? With so many unanswered questions, Jhuma felt lost, but she knew she couldn’t give up. Her children looked up to her, and she had to find a way to carry on.

Questions to Reflect On:

What does Jhuma's experience teach us about the consequences of dishonesty in relationships?

How can society better support women like Jhuma who face immense pressure and hardship?

In what ways can we ensure that family dignity does not come at the cost of individual well-being?

What steps can be taken to help those who are suffering find the strength to overcome their challenges?

How can we create a community that uplifts individuals facing struggles rather than judging them?

Feel free to share your thoughts !

No fear for death my friend!!

 I am not afraid,  

Longing for a quiet peace,  

Death, my friend at last.  

Happiness was sought,  

But like leaves, it blew away,  

With each rising dawn.  

Failed in my pursuit,  

Hope fades with the night approaching,  

Silence wraps my heart.  

Love and respect missed,  

What good is a long journey  

If it's laced with pain?  

I want warmth, not walls,  

Friendship, laughter, gentle touch,  

Not wealth’s empty gift.  

Good things line my path,  

Yet an emptiness remains,  

Still, I breathe and wait.  

Life's not length that counts,  

But moments filled with true joy,  

I embrace the end.  

Against the tide :- Sailaja's Journey!!

 Sailaja stood at the threshold of her village, a proud postgraduate—a rare achievement in her small community. Her heart swelled with hope as she accepted a job at a nearby school, but this joy was quickly overshadowed when she fell in love with Kedar, a kind-hearted man with strong values. Dreaming of a future with him brought a light to her life, but her family extinguished it with their traditional views. They disapproved of Kedar because he wasn't financially stable, and in their eyes, that meant he was unworthy. They arranged her marriage to Mahesh, a man from a large joint family who seemed reliable but was still a stranger to her.

With a mixture of anxiety and hope, Sailaja married Mahesh. He worked in a distant city and promised to make their life together beautiful. As her heart fluttered with dreams of happiness, she soon found herself pregnant, feeling the tender life growing inside her. But the joy was short-lived. When Mahesh went out one day for shopping and didn’t come back, confusion and dread gripped her. The bustling city felt like a barren desert where the echo of her unanswered questions lingered.

Days turned into weeks, and she was brought back to her in-laws' home, where her heart sank deeper into despair. Instead of searching for Mahesh, her in-laws filled their days with prayers, seemingly resigned to his disappearance. Sailaja felt a storm of emotions. Anger boiled inside her as she watched them mourn a son they had lost but didn’t actively seek. Why was no one looking for him? She felt helpless, trapped in her own body, burdened by the weight of her pregnancy and the grief that enveloped her.

When her daughter was born, the joy of bringing new life into the world was tainted by the absence of her father. She held her baby tightly, yet the emptiness echoed around them. As the months passed, whispers from relatives became daggers, piercing her already fragile heart. “What did she do to lose him?” they asked, their judgment heavy in the air. Each taunt felt like a rejection of the love she once held dear, turning her into a stranger in her own family.

Life with her in-laws grew unbearable. Sailaja’s spirit felt crushed under the weight of their silent accusations. Finally, with nothing left but her determination, she took her baby and left their home. She moved to a neighboring city, filled with fear but also a flicker of hope. She found a job, but the salary was too low to provide a stable future. The dreams she once harbored for a happy family seemed to wither away.

As she fought to support herself and her daughter, she began to understand deeper truths about Mahesh. He had desired a life without attachments, yearning for Sanyasa, the renouncement of worldly ties. But why marry me? She asked herself repeatedly, confusion drowning her heart. Each thought stirred a mix of sorrow and betrayal—betrayal not only from Mahesh but also from the family that had abandoned her when she needed them most.

Despite the pain, she pushed on, facing each day with the determination of a warrior. Her daughter grew up, and as she embraced her ambitions to become an engineer, Sailaja's heart swelled with pride. Yet, a cloud of worry loomed over her. What future awaited her little girl? She questioned her own choices and the life she had been forced to live.

In quieter moments, Sailaja couldn't shake off the deep-seated fear and disappointment that lingered in her heart. “Why did I have to endure so much?” she wondered, feeling the sting of her past. In a society that often disregarded women’s happiness, she was left to navigate a world that felt unjust.

She had survived against all odds, but the scars remained. Sailaja was resilient, yet her heart longed for answers, for peace in the chaos of her life. She had fought battles, not just against the world but also within herself, questioning the very fabric of her existence.

Could a woman ever truly find happiness, or was she destined to carry the weight of others’ choices? As she watched her daughter step into her future, Sailaja hoped for one thing: that her little girl would never have to question her worth in a world that often silenced women’s voices.

Capturing beauty of love through art!!

 Love dances in the shadows,

a flicker of light,

but the brighter I hold on,

the more it fades—

like whispers lost in the wind.

Once, it bloomed,

bright as morning dew,

only to vanish

with a touch,

like a bubble popped,

fragile and fleeting.

I chase its shape,

soft against the wall,

but find only echoes,

and a longing that sighs,

as deep as the night.

Aparajita's Resilience: A Journey Through Patriarchal Oppression

 Aparajita had always dreamed of a loving and harmonious marriage, one filled with trust and respect. But everything changed the day she uncovered her husband’s heartbreaking secret.

He had been married before, to a woman named Pooja, and they had a young son together. Aparna’s in-laws, worried about their family’s reputation in the community, had pressured her husband into marrying her, despite his existing commitment.

Feeling utterly betrayed, Aparajita found the strength to leave her in-law's home, taking her son with her to stay with her parents. It was a hard transition, but she slowly began to find comfort in becoming financially independent. She worked hard to support herself and her child, discovering a sense of empowerment she hadn’t known before.

As time passed, Aparajita even managed to rebuild her relationship with her in-laws. She understood that they, too, were caught in a web of societal expectations and deception. However, the emotional wounds from her experience ran deep, and she often felt the weight of her heartbreak.

When her husband fell seriously ill and eventually passed away, Aparajita faced another difficult choice. She decided to bring Pooja, his first wife, to live with her in-laws. This act of kindness was her way of reclaiming her power and dignity, despite the pain she still carried from their shared past.

Through all these challenges, Aparajita’s resilience shone brightly. She had endured the storms of betrayal and oppression, emerging with a renewed sense of self-worth and an unbreakable spirit.

Yet, as we reflect on Aparajita's journey, we must ask: Is it justified for a family to ruin an innocent woman's life for the sake of their reputation? Are they truly blind to her suffering, simply because she comes from another family? And do they neglect their own son’s true feelings in the pursuit of societal approval? These questions linger, challenging us to rethink how we view women's lives and choices within the constraints of patriarchal expectations.

A joyful Karthik Purnima celebration at Hyderabad!!

 Karthik Purnima dawned with a beautiful golden sunrise over Hyderabad, setting the perfect tone for the day. The air was crisp and fresh, and I could feel the excitement building as it was time for our annual celebration, a day that held both tradition and fun.

In our native, the festival was synonymous with sailing boats in river Kathajodi. My family and I had spent the previous evening crafting colorful little boats out of paper and thermocol and decorating them with flowers and lamp. As I held my creation in my hands, I felt a rush of joy; each boat was a heartfelt offering to the waters, symbolizing our hopes and prayers.

Arriving at the lake, I was greeted by the sight of birds chirping over the lake. Sun was rising and its rays were glittering over the water surface. Finally, it was time to sail our boats. We gathered by the water's edge, laughter and anticipation in the air. With a gentle push, I sent my boat gliding across the surface of the lake. The sight of colorful boats drifting serenely was mesmerizing, each one carrying our prayers and wishes, mingling with the water and the spirit of the moment.

Although we sailed our boats in a small pond enclosure made for Chhath Puja, it felt just as magical. The atmosphere was filled with a sense of togetherness and celebration. As I watched my boat sail away, I couldn’t help but smile, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the day, the weather, and my family I shared it with.

After we set up a small puja  for Lord Shiva at the nearby temple, I felt a sense of peace as I lit incense and offered flowers. The gentle sound of the temple bells in the distance mingled with the serenity of the lake, creating a soothing backdrop. The devotion filled the air, and I was grateful to be a part of such a timeless ritual. 

The temple was crowded with people putting rangoli, placing banana and coconut and diyas over it. The temple had little place due to the large crowd. However, we could still do our prayers and Darshan peacefully.

As the sun began to rise, casting a mesmerizing glow over the lake, I realized how special days like this are. Karthik Purnima was not just about the rituals but about creating memories, celebrating traditions, and sharing joy with loved ones. It was a day that would forever hold a special place in my heart, reminding me of the beauty of nature and the power of community.

Celebrating the Spirit of Bali Jatra: My Memorable Experiences in Cuttack

 Bali Jatra is a vibrant and captivating festival celebrated in Cuttack, Odisha, marking the age-old maritime trade of the region. The fair, which takes place on the banks of the Mahanadi River, is a colorful spectacle filled with lights, music, and the aroma of delicious street food. I had the pleasure of visiting this enchanting fair for the last two years, and each time was a unique experience that left a lasting impression on me.

The first time I attended Bali Jatra, I was immediately swept up in the festive atmosphere. I was in 9th std then. As I walked through the entrance, the sounds of laughter and traditional music filled the air. Stalls lined the pathways, showcasing a variety of handmade crafts, vibrant textiles, and intricate jewelry. I was particularly drawn to a stall selling beautiful silver filigree work, a traditional art form of Cuttack. The artisans were friendly, eager to share their craft, and I couldn’t resist purchasing a delicate bracelet as a keepsake.

The food stalls were another highlight of the fair. The tantalizing aroma of freshly fried snacks wafted through the air, tempting me to try everything from crispy aloo tikki to sweet pitha. I indulged in some mouth-watering dahi vada, topped with tangy chutneys, and felt a sense of joy with every bite. The atmosphere was electric, with families and friends coming together to celebrate, share stories, and create memories.

The last two times that I visited Bali Jatra, I noticed how the fair had grown even more vibrant. There were more rides and attractions, with colorful ferris wheels and thrilling merry-go-rounds that delighted children and adults alike. I joined in the excitement, taking a ride on the giant wheel, where I was rewarded with a breathtaking view of the fairgrounds lit up against the night sky.

That time, I also made sure to explore the cultural performances that took place throughout the fair. Traditional Odissi dance, folk music, and drama depicting tales from Odisha’s rich history captivated the audience. I felt a deep connection to my roots as I watched performers bring stories to life with their grace and talent.

Both visits to Bali Jatra were not just about the sights and sounds; they were about the spirit of community, the joy of celebration, and the rich cultural heritage of Odisha. Each moment spent at the fair deepened my appreciation for the traditions that bind us together.

As I reflect on my experiences, I realize that Bali Jatra is more than just a fair; it’s a celebration of life, culture, and the resilience of the people of Cuttack. I can’t wait to return again, to immerse myself once more in the festivities and discover what new memories await me at this incredible celebration. When could I do that only time can say??

Feeling like sharing suffering of women in patriarchy!!

 I see and feel pain so easily from my childhood about my friends, family and relatives. Why is it so I don't know??

Sometimes, I feel like writing stories about women's life that suffered because of Patriarchy. In our generation men also suffer but being a woman I still connect more to the pain of women. I would like to write but still unsure if that is a great thing to do. 

How our societal pressure plays it's crucial role in hampering a woman and adds to her agony? Whether I will do that or not still remains a question but I will accept I feel like doing it. 

Let's see. Where my intuition guides me?? 

Echoes of a Lonely Heart!!

 In the dark of night, she walks alone,

Her heart adrift, dreams turned to stone.

Once, love whispered sweet and low,

Now silence wraps her in a heavy glow.

Her laughter fades, just a whispered sound,

Once it filled these walls, now barely found.

Married to a man who’s not really there,

His touch a distant echo, filled with despair.

He blames her for the emptiness inside,

As if her heart could fix his pride.

In every look, she feels the weight,

Wearing his shame, a heavy fate.

Family pushed her down this path,

A life planned out, with little love to last.

She never wanted this, nor chose this way,

Trapped in a life that keeps her gray.

Her lover’s memory haunts her dreams,

A gentle shadow of what love means.

She dances close but wakes alone,

To find a space that feels like stone.

Her heart feels like a puzzle, missing pieces,

A restless feeling that never ceases.

Each day is just a repeat of the same,

Where love's not there, but the pain’s a flame.

She hides her tears behind a brave face,

A smile that never lights her place.

Incomplete, she moves through life’s game,

Not just a woman, but a nameless name.

Yet deep inside, her spirit fights,

A spark of hope shines through the nights.

Though duty’s chains hold her down tight,

She dreams of freedom, with all her might.

One day she’ll find her voice, her song,

And piece together where she belongs.

In quiet corners where shadows hide,

She’ll reclaim her love and learn to glide.

Children's day!!

 What should I share today.  Feeling thoughtless and somehow happy at the face of adversities.  Today is children's day, and I am trying to embrace the child within me. 

Here I share with you a rangoli for Panchuka Day 3. Very simple and without much colour, depicting my mood for simple things in life.

 

Bada Osa: A Celebration at Dhabaleswar Temple !!

 The Dhabaleswar Temple, situated on an island in the Mahanadi River near Cuttack, Odisha, is one of the most revered shrines dedicated to Lord Shiva in the region. As a center of faith and spirituality, it attracts devotees from far and wide. Among the numerous rituals and festivals celebrated at this temple, "Bada Osa" stands out as a significant event that draws immense participation and devotion.

The Essence of Bada Osa

"Bada Osa," which translates to "Great Fasting" in Odia, is observed in the month of Kartika, typically falling between October and November. This festival is primarily dedicated to Lord Shiva and is highly regarded by the devotees who participate in it as a means of demonstrating their faith, penance, and devotion.

During Bada Osa, thousands of devotees engage in a day-long fast, offering prayers, performing rituals, and participating in cultural festivities. The day is marked by an atmosphere of spiritual fervor and communal harmony, as families and friends come together to seek blessings from the deity.

Rituals and Celebrations

On the day of Bada Osa, devotees begin their celebrations with early morning rituals. Many choose to take a holy dip in the sacred waters of the Mahanadi River before heading to the temple. The pilgrimage to Dhabaleswar is often an exhilarating experience as devotees travel by boat to reach the temple, enjoying the scenic beauty of the surroundings.

Once at the temple, devotees participate in special "puja" (worship) ceremonies. The priests perform elaborate rituals involving offerings of flowers, fruits, and traditional delicacies to Lord Shiva. Devotees also light "diyas" (oil lamps) to illuminate the temple, enhancing its divine ambiance.

The highlights of the festival include the recitation of sacred texts, chanting of mantras, and community prayers. The temple premises are often adorned with colorful decorations, and stalls set up by local vendors offer a variety of food, handicrafts, and religious items.

Additionally, Bada Osa holds significance for its association with the traditions and customs of the local population. The rituals performed during this festival are steeped in the cultural identity of the region, contributing to the preservation of Odisha's rich spiritual heritage.

Bada Osa at Dhabaleswar Temple is a remarkable festival that embodies the spirit of devotion and the cultural richness of Odisha. It is an occasion where faith takes center stage, drawing countless devotees who seek blessings, love, and hope from Lord Shiva. As the community comes together to celebrate, the allure of Bada Osa continues to inspire generations, reinforcing the temple's place as a sacred hub of spirituality and culture in eastern India. Whether you are a local resident or a visitor, experiencing Bada Osa at Dhabaleswar Temple is a journey into the heart of devotion and a glimpse into the vibrant traditions of Odisha.

Hari Uthani Ekadashi: Significance and Celebration at Sri Mandira Jagannath Temple, Puri

 Hari Uthani Ekadashi, also known as Deothan Ekadashi or Prabodhini Ekadashi, is a significant occasion in the Hindu calendar that is particularly revered in the state of Odisha. This auspicious day marks the end of the Chaturmas period (four sacred months) and the awakening of Lord Vishnu from his cosmic sleep. In the context of the Sri Mandira Jagannath Temple in Puri, this day is especially cherished, attracting thousands of devotees and pilgrims to partake in the rituals and festivities.

The Mythological Background

The significance of Hari Uthani Ekadashi is deeply rooted in Hindu mythology. According to the ancient scriptures, during the Chaturmas, Lord Vishnu resides in a state of slumber, compelling his followers to engage in prayers, fasting, and meditation. The Ekadashi, which falls in the month of Kartika (usually November), is celebrated on the eleventh day of the waxing moon. It is believed that on this day, the Lord awakens, bringing new hope and spiritual rejuvenation.

The day is also associated with Lord Krishna's consort, Radha, and is considered the moment when she reunites with Him. Such themes of love and devotion resonate strongly among devotees, fostering a spirit of celebration and reverence.

Celebrations at the Jagannath Temple

In Puri, the celebration of Hari Uthani Ekadashi is marked by elaborate rituals and vibrant festivities at the Jagannath Temple, dedicated to Lord Jagannath, an incarnation of Lord Vishnu. The temple is one of the Char Dham pilgrimage sites and holds immense significance among Vaishnavites.

Preparation for the Festival: The temple's priests and devotees engage in detailed preparations leading up to the day. The period before the Ekadashi is filled with offerings, pujas, and special prayers to seek the blessings of Lord Jagannath.

Rituals and Offerings: On the day of Hari Uthani Ekadashi, special rituals are performed in the temple. The idol of Lord Jagannath is adorned with fresh flowers and garments while various customary offerings, including fruits and sweets, are presented. The atmosphere is charged with spirituality as the priests chant Vedic hymns and mantras dedicated to Lord Vishnu.

The Awakening Ceremony: The highlight of the celebration is the "Jaagran," a night vigil where devotees sing bhajans and kirtans, celebrating the awakening of the deity. Devotees engage in community singing and dancing, fostering a sense of unity and devotion. This ceremony not only marks the end of the Lord's slumber but also symbolizes the triumph of light over darkness.

Feasting and Community Participation: After the rituals, a grand feast is organized, featuring traditional Odia dishes. The temple kitchen, known as ‘Mahaprasad’, serves thousands of devotees who come together to partake in the sacred food. Sharing in this meal represents community bonding and devotion to Lord Jagannath.

Spiritual Significance: For devotees, Hari Uthani Ekadashi is a day of fasting and reflection. Many choose to observe a day of strict fast, while others participate in the festivities with joyous abandon. The day is seen as a time for spiritual renewal, where individuals pray for prosperity, health, and divine blessings, while also engaging in acts of charity and kindness.

Hari Uthani Ekadashi at the Sri Mandira Jagannath Temple in Puri is not just a religious observance; it is a celebration of faith, community, and renewal. As devotees gather in large numbers to celebrate this day, the temple comes alive with chants, music, and vibrant displays of devotion. It serves as an enduring reminder of the connection between the human soul and the divine, emphasizing the importance of faith, community, and the spiritual journey in a devotee’s life. The rich cultural heritage of Puri continues to thrive through such celebrations, making Hari Uthani Ekadashi a cornerstone of Odia spirituality.

Panchuka - The Sacred Observance in Odisha!!

 Panchuka, a significant cultural and religious event in the state of Odisha, marks the end of the month of Kartika in the Hindu calendar, which is dedicated to Lord Vishnu. This festival is particularly celebrated by the Odia community, and it holds immense spiritual and cultural value. The observance of Panchuka encompasses various rituals, traditions, and a deep sense of devotion among followers.

Significance of Panchuka

Panchuka is celebrated during the last five days of the auspicious month of Kartika, which usually falls in October-November. This period is considered highly sacred for Hindus, and devotees engage in various spiritual practices to seek blessings from Lord Vishnu and other deities. The term 'Panchuka' itself denotes the last five days of Kartika, leading up to the celebration of other festivals, such as the famous "Bali Jatra," .

During these days, many devotees conduct special pujas (prayers), observe fasting, and engage in rituals that involve the worship of Tulsi (Holy Basil) and the recitation of sacred mantras. The observance is especially important for those wishing to cleanse their sins and make spiritual progress.

Rituals and Traditions

1. Tulsi Puja: Tulsi, regarded as the consort of Lord Vishnu, is a central figure in Panchuka. Devotees often decorate Tulsi plants and perform elaborate poojas. Offering water, lighting lamps, and singing devotional songs help create a spiritual ambiance.

2. Lighting Lamps (Deepa Daan): Lighting oil lamps (diyas) is another significant practice during Panchuka. It symbolizes the victory of light over darkness and is believed to attract divine blessings. Homes, temples, and streets are adorned with these small lights, creating a beautiful sight during the evenings.

3. Fasting and Feasting: Many devotees choose to fast during these days, consuming only specific foods or abstaining from food entirely. People generally elderly ladies perform Habisa during Karthik Masa. 

Spiritual and Social Impact

Panchuka serves a dual purpose: it is not only a time for individual devotion and spirituality but also fosters community bonding and cultural preservation. The celebration enhances social ties, encourages communal participation in rituals, and creates a sense of unity among the Odia people.

With modernization, the essence of Panchuka continues to be preserved as communities adapt to new formats of celebration while retaining the core attributes of devotion and cultural identity. Families come together, remembering their ancestors and honoring traditions that have been passed down through generations, thereby sustaining Odisha's rich cultural heritage.

The observance of Panchuka in Odisha serves as a reminder of the state’s deep-rooted spiritual traditions and its people's devotion to Lord Jagannath. It is a time of reflection, reverence, and celebration, encapsulating the essence of Odisha's cultural fabric. Through the rituals and observances of Panchuka, devotees revitalize their spiritual practices, strengthen community bonds, and ensure that the intricate tapestry of Odia culture continues to thrive for generations to come. Whether through the lighting of lamps or the honoring of Tulsi, Panchuka stands as a testament to the enduring power of faith and tradition in the modern world.

Namami Shamishan Niravan Rupam!!

 Today is last Monday of Karthik Masa when Shri Jagannath is worshipped in the form of Rai Damodar Besha and Shri Balabhadra in form of HariHara Besha. Since, it's Monday and the last Monday of Karthik Lord Shiva is also worshipped. I dedicate this prayer below to Lord Shiva. 

It's a very soothing verse listening to which makes me calm. 

नमामी शमीशान निर्वाणरूपं,

विभुं व्यापकं ब्रह्मवेदस्वरूपम् !

निजं निर्गुणं निर्विकल्पं निरीहं,

चिदाकाशमाकाशवासं भजेऽहम् ।।

निराकारमोंकारमूलं तुरीयं,

गिरा ज्ञान गोतीतमीशं गिरीशम् !

करालं महाकाल कालं कृपालं,

गुणागार संसारपारं नतोऽहम् ।।

तुषाराद्रि संकाश गौरं गंभीरं,

मनोभूत कोटिप्रभा श्री शरीरम् !

स्फुरन्मौलि कल्लोलिनी चारुगङ्गा,

लसद्भालबालेन्दु कण्ठे भुजङ्गा ।।

चलत्कुण्डलं भ्रू सुनेत्रं विशालं,

प्रसन्नाननं नीलकण्ठं दयालम् !

मृगाधीशचर्माम्बरं मुण्डमालं,

प्रियं शंकरं सर्वनाथं भजामि ।।

प्रचण्डं प्रकृष्टं प्रगल्भं परेशं,

अखण्डं अजं भानुकोटिप्रकाशम् !

त्रयः शूल निर्मूलनं शूलपाणिं,

भजेऽहं भवानीपतिं भावगम्यम् ।।

कलातीत कल्याण कल्पान्तकारी,

सदा सज्जनानन्ददाता पुरारी !

चिदानन्द संदोह मोहापहारी,

प्रसीद प्रसीद प्रभो मन्मथारी ।।

न यावत् उमानाथ पादारविन्दं,

भजन्तीह लोके परे वा नराणाम् !

न तावत् सुखं शान्ति सन्तापनाशं,

प्रसीद प्रभो सर्वभूताधिवासम् ।।

न जानामि योगं जपं नैव पूजां,

नतोऽहं सदा सर्वदा शम्भु तुभ्यम् !

जरा जन्म दुःखौद्य तातप्यमानं,

प्रभो पाहि आपन्नमामीश शम्भो ।।

रुद्राष्टकमिदं प्रोक्तं विप्रेण हरतोषये !

ये पठन्ति नरा भक्त्या तेषां शम्भुः प्रसीदति ।।

The Longing for True Friendship: A Journey through Loss and Hope!!

Once, someone told me, "You just need a friend." It hurt me deeply because, throughout my childhood, my parents moved from place to place, and I never had a friend who would stay with me forever. Perhaps that's why I value friendship differently than my peers.

As a child, I was never jealous of anyone for their clothes, bags, or toys; rather, I envied their friendships. I longed for a friend whom I could hold onto for life. While I am not generally a jealous person, this desire always left me feeling sad, especially when I realized I was the only one in my peer group who lacked a close friend. I made acquaintances wherever I went, but they never considered me their best friend because they had formed bonds with others long before I arrived.

When I entered engineering school, I was hopeful that I would find the friends I had always wanted, as everyone would be from different backgrounds and willing to forge new friendships. I was excited about fulfilling that part of my life. I was happy to meet my roommate, whom I thought would be a great friend. However, just a month into the semester, I fell ill.

The doctors asked me questions such as What do I  study? Who are my friends? and about my excitement for college. They seemed pleased when I answered positively to all their inquiries.

However, when my first semester results came in, I saw the true colors of these friends, and my heart sank. I retreated once again into the world of books, finding solace in the friends I had known since childhood.

During my depressive phases, I withdrew and became an introvert. I struggled to express my pain or to reach out for help from those around me. Instead, I managed to navigate through it all with my faith in God.

Now, in my 40s, someone still mocks me for valuing "FRIENDSHIP." I don't expect grand gestures from anyone—just a friend. Is it really so difficult for anyone to offer me that? I don't understand why people undervalue friendship.

I believe that all relationships stem from friendship. Isn’t that true? God, then why didn’t you let me have a friend for life? Did I request something so monumental that it couldn’t be fulfilled by your mercy and grace?

Where can I go to share my feelings? How can I express my pain without being ridiculed for my simple desires? Why haven’t you chosen to give me someone with similar values to my own?

It’s challenging for me to settle for less in all aspects of life while trying to accept everything with grace. Still, I keep my faith in you and hope that you will bring me to a better and happier place where I can truly be myself.

Yet, I struggle to articulate my pain, as I wonder to whom I should write. You know my thoughts, and this world isn’t kind to those who are struggling. It knows how to break you further when you are weak and trying to regain your strength. Such is the typical human psychology that I find impossible to ignore.