Magha purnima: Introspection!!

 Tomorrow is Magha Purnima, a significant day for followers of Mahima Dharma, a faith my grandfather was connected to.  It's also a personally meaningful date, as I began my first job on this very tithi.  It felt like a blessing, a direct link to my ancestors.  Unfortunately, I had to leave my work five years ago, and I've been searching for the right opportunity to return to work ever since.  While I'm eager to start again, nothing suitable has materialized.

I sometimes struggle with feelings of frustration, questioning why I've lost so many people and things I cherish.  It's hard not to wonder if this is some kind of karmic retribution, and I've spent a lot of time introspecting, trying to understand if there's a deeper purpose to this period of waiting.  Frankly, though, I just miss what I've lost.  The pain of unmet expectations and the difficulty of letting go are a heavy burden.  Why does life have to be so challenging?  This extended period of waiting for a breakthrough is agonizing, but I know I must persevere, regardless of how I feel.

Why this long period without the things I long for? What is the direction of my life now?

Forgiving self, finding peace!!

 I was inspired by an article about Kumar Mangalam Birla retaining an employee despite a costly mistake. It reminded me of a former colleague who made a similar error early in her career, incurring a significant fine for our organization.

Despite this, she wasn't fired. In fact, she thrived and was even given an opportunity to work abroad. Ironically, during this time, she faced another challenge, losing her belongings in a foreign country. While this must have been incredibly stressful, it highlights the unpredictable nature of life.

What struck me most is the resilience of this individual. She not only overcame a major professional setback but also navigated a difficult personal situation. It underscores the importance of focusing on the positive, as our spiritual practices suggest.

While her superiors demonstrated incredible support, I wonder about her personal journey. Did she easily overcome the guilt and self-doubt that often accompany such experiences? Forgiving oneself and letting go of the past is a significant challenge.

How does one achieve this inner peace, and how long does it take? This is the real question. Perhaps her story, and others like it, can inspire us to find our own paths to self-forgiveness and growth. 

It's admirable when those in authority overlook our errors, choosing instead to focus on our strengths. However, the person who made the mistake, even unknowingly, often struggles with guilt over the oversight. This dynamic plays out in relationships as well.

We extend repeated chances, hoping for growth in others. But when that growth doesn't materialize, or the person fails to even acknowledge the opportunity they've been given, it's disheartening. Worse, they may begin to take our support for granted, forgetting that their presence is valued. This can cause significant pain for the person who initially forgave their mistakes. Regret sets in – regret for forgiving them, regret for ignoring the warning signs. The most difficult part, perhaps, is forgiving oneself for overlooking those signs and continuing to support someone who clearly took that support for granted.

Ultimately, the hardest challenge remains self-forgiveness and finding a way forward.

The Universal quest: Health, happiness, love!!

 A line from a recent book, "We are all spiritual beings having human experiences," has stayed with me. It's a profound thought, yet it raises a question: If God is within us, why do we search for God? Why is higher learning focused on knowing God, and ultimately performing actions (karma) that lead to resting in God?

This quest reminded me of an Indian-origin non-believer's journey to find God. She inadvertently discovered that most people around her, regardless of their beliefs, shared four common desires:

 health, 

happiness,

 love 

and riches. 

These are universal aspirations. Yet, we constantly fight amongst ourselves, rejecting the ideas and beliefs of others, even though we all ultimately seek the same things, albeit with slight variations. Where is this leading us?

Ekadashi: Time for myself!!

 It's Jaya Ekadashi and a Saturday, so I enjoyed a leisurely start to the day. Since my husband is fasting, I didn't have much cooking to do. While it's traditional for both partners to observe the Ekadashi fast, I find I don't have the same energy for it as I used to. I typically cook kichadi for myself and my son on this day—it's an easy one-pot meal. However, today I made a simple brinjal and potato fry with rice. I have leftover dalma for my son, and I'm looking forward to making puliogere for myself, which I haven't made in ages.

Dinner will be sabudana kichadi for both of us, and I'll make roti for my son. I always feel relaxed on Ekadashi and try to focus on other things. I pray that I can enjoy what God has planned for me and be able to focus on higher learning.

With each passing day, as I learn more about life, I realize how easily we get caught up in accumulating possessions that ultimately won't stay with us. This often leads us to lose sight of the things that truly will. Therefore, I quietly pray that I may focus on accumulating those lasting treasures, in addition to the legacy I leave behind.

Life's inevitable journey!!

 Life doesn't offer a fast forward. You must experience each chapter, encounter every person you're meant to meet. Some encounters will be unpleasant, some will build you up, others will heal you, and some will cause pain. None can be avoided. You might find yourself caught in "what ifs" about the past, but remember, at the time, you made the best decisions you could. Those tempting "ifs" weren't part of the equation then.

We all process experiences differently and face unique challenges. Our individual journeys are irreplaceable. Therefore, concentrate on the present and personal growth.

True peace may be elusive in the world, but you must choose it daily. This builds strength, even though your mind may constantly question how to prepare for it. Ultimately, life will force you to be strong, regardless. It may seem paradoxical that life teaches strength only to eventually detach you from everything you hold dear. But this is the reality – a gradual, inevitable detachment.

A clever solution - by Madhusudan Das!!

 Tomorrow is Madhusudan Das 's death anniversary which happens to be my father's birth anniversary. So, narrating an incident that shows how he used his inherent qualities in favour of people of Odisha. 

A destitute old woman once sought justice from Madhusudan Das. Her plight was dire: a village landlord had seized her only possession, a small plot of land bordering the village road. Madhu Babu, known for his compassion, reassured her, promising to visit her village soon.

The following day, Madhusudan Das arrived in his horse-drawn cart. Near the old woman's disputed land, he instructed his driver to dig a pit. As his cart approached the pit, the wheel became deliberately ensnared. Madhu Babu then summoned the villagers. Feigning distress, he inquired whose land had caused him this trouble.

To everyone's astonishment, the landlord, eager to distance himself from any accusation, pointed at the old woman and declared, "It's hers!" Seizing this moment of unwitting admission, Madhusudan Das promptly drew up legal documents transferring ownership of the land to the old woman. He then presented the papers to her, securing her rightful claim.

This incident exemplifies Madhusudan Das's cleverness and wit, qualities he employed to uplift the marginalized and ensure justice prevailed, even against powerful adversaries.

My favourite poem from Madhusudan Das is as below with its english translation,

Tu para bolau

Utkal Santan ?

Tebe kimpa tuhi bhiru !

Tohar Janani

Rodan karile

Kahibaku kimpa daru ?

To' purbapurushe

Bira paniare

Labhithile kete khyati

Hakima nikate

Dukha kahibaku

Kimpa thare tora chhati ?

To purbapurushe

Jaya karithile

Ganga tharu Godavari,

Tankari aurase

Janma hoi tuhi

Keun gune tanku sari ?

Tu mane bhabuchhu

toshamada kari

Badhaibu Jatiman

Toshamadiara

Kukura prakruti

Aintha patare dhyan.

Jatira unnati

hebakire bhai

Swarthaku Jagat mani ?

Godar godare

maunsa lagile

Deharaki subha gani ?

Jatira unnati

se kahin kariba

Swarthe jar byasta mana

Shaguna bilua

Chikitschak hele

Saba ki paiba prana!!

It's English translation 

This is a poem by the Odia poet Madhusudan Das. It is a patriotic poem that calls on the people of Odisha to be proud of their heritage and to work for the betterment of their state.

Here is a translation of the poem into English:

"You call yourself a son of Utkal?

Why are you so afraid?

When your mother weeps,

Why are you afraid to speak?

Your ancestors

In the midst of war

Achieved great fame,

Why does your chest tremble

To speak of your sorrows

To the rulers?

Your ancestors

Conquered lands

From the Ganga to the Godavari,

Having been born of their lineage,

What qualities do you possess

That make you forget them?

You think

That by flattery

You will increase your status,

But the nature of a flatterer

Is like that of a dog

Whose attention is fixed on stale food.

How will the nation progress, my brother,

If you consider only your own interests?

If you apply ointment to a wound

But do not care for the root cause,

Will the body be truly healed?

How can one

Who is preoccupied with his own selfish interests

Work for the progress of the nation?

Even if a jackal or a cat

Pretends to be a physician,

Will it be able to save anyone's life?"

The poem is a powerful call to action. It urges the people of Odisha to be proud of their heritage and to work for the betterment of their state. It also warns against the dangers of selfishness and flattery.

The poem is still relevant today. It reminds us that we should be proud of our heritage and that we should work for the betterment of our community. It also warns us against the dangers of selfishness and flattery.

Why worry??

 I was talking to a friend today, and it struck me how much things have changed. I remembered a time when I was anxious about the future, and this same friend had simply told me, "Why worry?" Now, they're saying it will be hard to say goodbye if we meet again because of all the memories we share. It's true – I haven't forgotten those memories over the years; they've become a part of me, almost a lesson in detachment, like a higher education in life itself. I couldn't say anything but agree.

It's a strange blessing, this lingering care that I can't quite feel yet. I'm grateful for it, though. I wanted to express my thanks, but I didn't want to make things awkward, so I kept quiet.

I also learned to perform a personal SWOT analysis. Using a spreadsheet, I would document my capabilities and limitations. Looking back, I smile at my own methods for navigating life's challenges.

A token of gratitude!!

 So much of what we receive in life comes from others. We can't possibly repay it all: a smile from a stranger, a kind compliment, a listening ear from a friend, support when we're down, the unconditional love of our parents, the care of a partner, a child's loving hug. These gifts are freely given. Gratitude isn't hard, but we all have days when we forget to appreciate them.

Limits and survival!!

 Knowing your limits is sometimes the wisest course of action. The world, governed by the principle of survival of the fittest, often favors the physically and economically stronger. Similarly, those with powerful support networks hold an advantage.

Forgiveness is often preached, but its practicality depends on your relative strength. Can you truly forgive someone who outmatches you in every way? In such a scenario, forgiveness becomes self-preservation—an acknowledgment of your inability to retaliate. Accepting your limitations and avoiding conflict with a superior opponent is often the most prudent choice.

Life is about navigating these realities. Your life is valuable, and assessing an opponent's strength is crucial. While painful, it's often true that the only option is to let go of the conflict. This is the harsh reality of the often-dramatic world we inhabit.

From a dream to a difficult conversation!!

 After my morning routine, I drifted into a short nap and dreamt of my father. He appeared younger, wearing a purple and white striped shirt, in an outdoor setting. He looked happy and conveyed his love, a sentiment he rarely expressed so directly in life. His love was always shown through his unwavering support of my decisions, most of which were made with his guidance, though I occasionally followed my heart over his advice.

The nap was brief, but perhaps my subconscious is preoccupied with him as his birthday approaches. The past few years have been difficult; I became seriously ill shortly after his passing, and now, as his birthday nears again, I find myself in dream with him  I'm unsure what the future holds.

A recent incident in my community, where a couple is desperately trying to raise funds for their seven-month-old daughter's rare disease, sparked a difficult conversation with a friend. She, ever practical, expressed a harsh truth: sometimes, letting go is necessary. While it's a sentiment no parent wants to hear, it raises a valid point. If saving a child means depleting all your resources for a potentially incurable disease, what future remains? It's not just about saving a life, but also planning for the future that follows.

This brings up an agonizing question: as a parent, where is the line between fighting to save your child and accepting the possibility of letting go? It's a decision beyond grief, a choice between unimaginable difficulties.

I recall a former teammate who lost his two-month-old baby. He kept a picture of the infant in his cubicle, and I passed it daily, feeling immense sorrow for him and his family. I often thought of suggesting he remove the picture, that perhaps it was time to let his child find peace, but I never found the courage to say it.

A day of reflections!!

 With prayers I began, for a fruitful day,

But fate had other plans, come what may.

A strange proposal, a sudden delight,

Then hurtful words, in the fading light.

From loved ones' pain, a lesson I've found,

Acceptance now, on this hallowed ground.

The years have flown, with trials I've faced,

But wisdom grows, at life's steady pace.

The gift of others!!

 Through others' hands, our life begins,

By others nurtured, spirits within.

Education's path, by others shown,

Friendship's embrace, a bond unknown.

Work's opportunities, by others given,

Love's gentle touch, a gift from heaven.

Even in death, their hands we see,

A final act, for eternity.

What truly ours, in this fleeting span?

Experiences, and karma's plan.

Remember this, with grateful heart,

For every soul, a vital part.

Finding focus in gratitude!!

 "Today, I struggled to concentrate. My mind kept wandering, unable to anchor itself to the tasks crucial for achieving my goals. January is almost over, and I find myself anxiously anticipating the fulfillment of a cherished wish. Yet, the monotony of daily life often weighs me down.

Recently, I stumbled upon a passage from a revered spiritual teacher, and it resonated deeply with me. It reminded me of the fundamental importance of gratitude. I acknowledge that maintaining this state of appreciation amidst the challenges of my life, which often seems far from ordinary, is a constant struggle. Nevertheless, gratitude has been a cornerstone of my resilience.

As a parent, my focus naturally shifts towards my child, a necessary redirection from my own concerns. Perhaps this is the intended path. I strive to instill gratitude in him through our simple prayers.

My own journey with prayer began in childhood, guided by my parents. I continue to recite the prayers they taught me, while incorporating mantras learned from friends. While the Sanskrit language may obscure the deeper meaning for some, most of these mantras emphasize gratitude and seek forgiveness for our shortcomings.

I yearn for a deeper understanding of mantras and the art of prayer, and how to effectively integrate them into my daily life."

Lost and searching!!

 "I feel a deep longing to open up to someone I love deeply, but I know I'm no longer their priority. The caring I once felt is gone, and I desperately miss it. I yearn to share these feelings, but my friends are in different life stages.

Finding someone who understands these intimate struggles is incredibly difficult. Trust and respect, once broken, are hard to rebuild completely. Even when things seem fine on the surface, I feel a deep sense of helplessness. I question the meaning of a long life filled with this emptiness. I never wanted to live a life without joy, only to question its purpose in the end. I wonder if my past actions have brought this sadness upon me. Why do I feel unforgiven? Is forgiveness only for humans to offer, not the divine? What kind of person was I in past lives to deserve this suffering?

As I age, my hope dwindles, my abilities diminish, and my potential feels limited. How can I live with this sense of decline? Where can I find someone who truly understands my pain? I'm human, experiencing a range of emotions that are hard to express. You say to focus on the present, but knowing that my life feels fundamentally broken, how can I pretend otherwise?

Why couldn't you make things easier for me? I feel powerless, while you possess all the power. Why deny me this relief?"

The allure of unnecessary!!

 "Independence Day tomorrow has the city buzzing. Colorful vendors line the streets, tempting me with frivolous purchases. I know I have everything I need, yet the urge to indulge in unnecessary desires is strong. This frivolous yearning feels both pointless and strangely familiar.

My son's playful energy clashes with the sudden onset of boredom. My gaze lingers on a display of beautiful gowns, knowing they'll likely gather dust in my closet. This inexplicable urge to buy, despite knowing it's unnecessary, is perplexing.

They say true luxury lies in resisting the urge to buy. But what kind of luxury is this? A strange and unexpected consequence of my success, this internal struggle leaves me questioning its purpose. What is this teaching me? I don't know the answer, but the journey of self-discovery continues."

Masks and mirrors!!

 "The common belief is that those who cry easily are pure of heart. However, my experience suggests otherwise. I suspect that frequent tears are often a ploy for sympathy and a way to deflect blame.

Life's philosophies, including religious texts, often portray existence as a theatrical performance. We are all actors on this stage, from birth to death. Yet, some individuals seem to wear an additional mask, concealing their true selves. Who do they benefit by this deception?

A childhood story about a dog in a house of mirrors resonated with me. We all perceive the world through our own lens, projecting our own qualities onto others. We gravitate towards those who mirror our own characteristics. In the story, one dog joyfully interacts with its reflection, while another reacts with aggression.

However, reality rarely aligns with this simple metaphor. We often encounter situations where initial friendliness turns into hostility.

The ability to discern ulterior motives and potential harm is paramount. Imagine embarking on a long journey with someone harboring ill intentions. It becomes impossible to disembark once their true nature is revealed, leaving you stranded and vulnerable.

Life's unpredictability can feel overwhelming, akin to navigating in perpetual darkness. How can one cultivate patience, faith, and trust in such an uncertain environment? This constant uncertainty can leave one feeling shattered and lost."

Netaji museum visit!!

 Today marks the birthdays of Subhash Chandra Bose and Vir Surendra Sai. Five years ago, on this very day, I visited the Netaji Museum for the first time.

Prior to my visit, I had heard and read about Subhash Bose, but I was astonished to learn about his affluent family background. His ancestral home was a grand estate with expansive gardens and even a stable for horses.

The museum houses a comprehensive collection of photographs documenting his life from childhood to his mysterious disappearance. It is an impressive institution, generously donated by his family to serve the community. In today's real estate market, this property would undoubtedly be worth crores of rupees.

Following my visit, I watched a film or documentary about Gumnami Baba. However, I still find it difficult to reconcile the image of a brave and fearless leader like Subhash Bose with the idea of him spending his final years in hiding. Is it truly conceivable that such a courageous individual would choose a life of seclusion?

The truth surrounding his disappearance may forever remain elusive. Speculations abound, ranging from a meeting with Lal Bahadur Shastri in Tashkent to his living in seclusion as the ascetic Gumnami Baba. Regardless of the actual circumstances, the people of Cuttack, his birthplace, will never forget this valiant son of their soil.

An unexpected call!!

 Today, the unexpected unfolded. A voice, slightly deepened by time, resonated after a fourteen-year silence. The feeling was indescribable, a strange blend of familiarity and something… else. Was it genuine emotion, or was I simply losing touch with my capacity to feel as the years passed?

The conversation itself demanded my focus. I couldn't help but ponder the "what ifs" – how much more I might have learned had things taken a different path. But destiny, it seems, had other plans. Detachment, a harsh lesson life repeatedly imparts, is a necessary practice. This encounter serves as another test, a chance to avoid past missteps.

Acceptance, not expectation, is the key. Yet, this unexpected call feels miraculous, a reminder that life can hold astonishing surprises.

I'm ready to see what the future holds.

A woman's struggle!!

 "This morning, a college friend called me in distress. She's been unwell for 18 days, yet her family hasn't sought medical attention. This deeply troubled me.

The "good girl" label seems to come with a heavy price. Does her existence only matter within the confines of serving others? Is she merely a vessel for fulfilling familial obligations? Societal norms dictate that women shouldn't return to their parents' home after marriage unless facing dire circumstances. Yet, do these maternal homes truly provide the support they should? Where is the compassion from parents and siblings?

After marriage, a woman often becomes solely dependent on her husband's support. What happens when that support falters? Does she become invisible, forgotten by everyone? Her own parents may utter words that exacerbate her depression, while siblings, burdened by their own families, offer little solace.

She's trapped by the need to maintain family reputation, unable to openly express her pain. What does this "good girl" tag truly offer her? In today's world, basic human rights are still violated within families. A woman's well-being is often contingent on luck and privilege, not on her inherent value.

My friend poured her heart out to me, her voice filled with the anguish of loneliness and lack of support. I urged her to seek medical help independently, to break free from the cycle of dependence. But whose fault is it truly? Why are women conditioned from childhood to prioritize obedience over self-reliance? Why aren't they empowered to become independent? And why doesn't her husband actively support her growth?

It's a deeply unjust system that expects women to thrive without the necessary support and encouragement."

Unanswered longing!!

"Today at the park, I met an elderly lady, perhaps in her 70s. We struck up a conversation, and I found myself drawn to her warmth and eagerness to connect. She mentioned her affiliation with the Brahma Kumaris and shared some insights about their teachings.

In turn, she inquired about my life and family. I answered honestly, but the conversation took an unexpected turn when she suggested I have another child. This isn't the first time I've encountered this advice.  My old friends make similar suggestions.A former colleague made a similar suggestion, after I shared a quote about the unique qualities of daughters.

"Every family deserves a daughter who has her father's temper, mother's attitude. Does not like being said what to do and loves too hard."

The quote resonated with me deeply, but the underlying reality is that I cannot share what I went through to have my son. These well-intentioned inquiries, while natural and a common way to build rapport, can be incredibly painful. It's a private sorrow, a longing that exists silently within me.

I understand that people are simply curious, but these questions often stir up a deep sense of loss and disappointment. While I try to respond politely and truthfully, there are no easy answers, and the pain remains.

It feels like sharing some truths, like a heart attack, would be so much easier. People readily share diagnoses of serious illnesses like cancer, almost as if they've achieved something extraordinary. Yet, we shy away from discussing relationship struggles or fertility challenges. Perhaps it's a uniquely modern burden, a future I've been forced to confront.

I know many others who've walked this path, who've accepted this as their fate. It sometimes makes me question my past deeds. I wonder if my current suffering is a consequence of actions in a previous life. I see injustice prevail, criminals escaping punishment, and I question why I, who strives to be good, must endure this. Do I, too, exist merely as an afterthought?"

Stargazing memories!!

"After a long break, I indulged in a bit of stargazing this evening. I was particularly excited as January is supposed to witness a rare celestial event – a near alignment of several planets, including Jupiter, Mars, Venus, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune, culminating on the 25th.

To prepare, I quickly downloaded the Sky Map app and ventured out to a location with minimal obstruction from the towering buildings. I managed to spot Venus, likely due to its proximity to Earth compared to Saturn, as I could only discern one celestial body in the western sky.

Above me, Jupiter shone brightly, a magnificent beacon in the night sky. This celestial spectacle transported me back to my 10th grade, when my youngest brother and I would spend evenings gazing at the stars from our rooftop. The skies were much clearer then, perhaps due to the absence of city lights. I remember answering his countless questions about the cosmos, a cherished memory that filled me with a sense of nostalgia.

With a heart full of wonder and a touch of melancholy, I returned home to prepare dinner."

The ethics of injustice!!

 "Recent news reports have detailed the arrest of a fraudulent couple. The woman underwent plastic surgery to conceal her identity while perpetrating these illegal activities. They have been apprehended and will now face imprisonment.

However, a profound question lingers: How many individuals live a life of luxury built on deceit, escaping detection throughout their entire existence? If such individuals exist, what valuable lesson can we glean from their actions? They experience a life of unparalleled opulence, enjoying every conceivable luxury – a life most people could only dream of. So, even if they are eventually caught, does it truly matter? They have already savored a life of extravagance financed by ill-gotten gains. A mere fraction of these individuals are brought to justice, while the majority continue to enjoy their ill-acquired wealth without ever facing consequences. How then do the principles of karma and the concept of divine justice reconcile with this reality?

When individuals engage in dishonesty and reap rewards, while those who adhere to ethical principles endure hardship, it raises profound questions about the nature of good and evil. How does one motivate oneself, or inspire the next generation, to embrace goodness in the face of such apparent imbalance? It's tempting to question the very existence of a higher power, demanding an explanation for this perceived injustice.

My logical mind struggles to comprehend this disparity. How can I instill in my children the importance of virtue when it seems to bring more suffering than pursuing one's desires? I yearn for an encounter with the divine, a chance to engage in a profound debate until I receive satisfactory, logical answers, if such a being truly exists."

Thoughtful lines!!

 There is always some truth behind

                 "Just kidding"

There is always some knowledge behind 

                 " I don't know"

There is always some emotions behind 

                  "I don't care"

There is always some pain behind 

                  "I am okay"

The illusion of support!!

"I remember hearing Indira Nooyi speak about the challenges of balancing family, children, and a career. She graciously thanked her supportive husband, family, and colleagues for her success. That resonated deeply with me.

Reflecting on my own journey, I realize I didn't receive that kind of support. My husband, parents, and in-laws struggled to understand the unique demands of motherhood. My project unexpectedly shifted, requiring relocation or significant skill upgrades. I desperately needed to work from home but was denied that option. When I finally decided to quit, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, throwing my life into further uncertainty.

This series of events shattered my hopes of maintaining a fulfilling career. I felt like I failed, not because of any personal shortcomings, but due to the lack of support from those I expected to rely on. It became painfully clear that my happiness was not a priority for anyone else.

Perhaps this was a test, a way for the universe to show me how unprepared I was for motherhood. Maybe I was seeking suffering, a consequence of my own desires.

Now, I don't yearn for much. I work, but the joy is gone. I question whether fulfilling my desires would truly bring me happiness.

Tum jo itna muskura raho ho, Kya gam hai jisko chupa rahe ho!!

 "Tum jo itna muskura raho ho, kya gam hai jisko chupa rahe ho" This line, quoted by a classmate on a photo I shared after my wedding, continues to haunt me. It accurately reflected my reality – I was indeed masking my pain with a forced smile.

I deeply regret not being bolder and expressing my true feelings. I prioritised the fragile hope of my marriage succeeding, neglecting my own emotional needs. Now, I acknowledge that this approach did not serve me well.

I urge everyone to prioritize their own well-being. While breaking societal norms may invite criticism, no one truly understands the depth of your suffering. The internal struggle between "good" and "bad" often paralyzes us, leading us to live for others instead of ourselves.

While being kind is important, it shouldn't come at the expense of your own happiness. Boldness, though challenging, can lead to a more fulfilling life. Unfortunately, this lesson often comes too late.

When we constantly prioritize others, we inadvertently squander precious time, chances, and opportunities. And one day, we may find ourselves regretfully alone.

Reflecting on my life, I've identified actions I wouldn't repeat, providing valuable lessons for the future. However, pinpointing precisely what could have led to a different outcome remains elusive.

Wish you a very happy Makar Sankranti!!

Surrendering my Karma's!!

Forgive me, God, this life, I cannot see,

Its purpose veiled, though I strive constantly.

Each dawn, I pray for karma, pure and bright,

Yet anger flares, a consuming light.

My challenges, a source of endless strife,

Instead of growth, ignite a burning fire.

Helpless I feel, a ship adrift at sea,

No respect for myself, it seems to me.

Did you create this life to cause me pain,

These emotions deep, a constant, surging rain?

I hide my wounds, though tears may freely flow,

Struggling to believe your will must somehow grow.

The meaning of Life!!

"I often find myself grappling with a sense of frustration, questioning the divine architect who designed this peculiar life questionnaire. It seems that no matter how I approach the challenges presented, the answer, the solution, always eludes me. I feel as though I've been handed an exam paper completely outside the scope of my studies.

I recall an incident from my school days: a simple essay topic, yet I produced a complex, unconventional piece. My teachers, while acknowledging the effort, awarded me third prize, deeming my response 'inappropriate for my age.' Life, and the essay God has assigned me, feels similarly out of place, not necessarily difficult, but certainly unconventional. I could have chosen not to engage, but that wouldn't have brought me contentment, nor does it now, despite my prolonged efforts.

This life throws constant, seemingly unproductive challenges my way. What am I striving for? Who am I trying to impress? What is my true purpose? And why does this purpose fail to inspire me?

I feel a suffocating sense of rebellion. I welcome challenges, but these seem pointless, offering no meaningful growth. Why am I compelled to perform actions that feel incongruous with my inner being? If I cannot satisfy the divine within with my answers, how can I expect validation from anyone else?

God, please cease these humbling experiences. I surrendered long ago. Please take the reins, guide me away from this perplexing existence, and allow me to pursue something, anything, that feels meaningful to me."

An unexpected encounter!!

"Today, as I settled into my flight, I was startled to see a familiar face in the row ahead. It was him – the man I met fifteen years ago, during a rather awkward arranged marriage meeting.

It was a time I wasn't ready for commitment. My mother, eager to please his family, insisted I attend, despite my reservations. My brother's advice – "Just go, eat, and come back" – still makes me chuckle.

I remember feeling overwhelmed at the time. He expressed a desire for his wife to prioritize her career, a stark contrast to my own desire for flexibility and the freedom to prioritize family.

The meeting ended abruptly when he pressed me for an immediate decision. I was taken aback by his impatience and politely declined, deferring to my parents.

Seeing him now, a wave of memories washed over me. I couldn't help but reflect on the past and offer a silent apology for my rejection.

This unexpected encounter has left me pondering the twists and turns of fate. Why this encounter now? What is the significance of this chance meeting after all these years?

It's a reminder that life is full of surprises and that the paths we take, both chosen and unforeseen, shape who we are today."

When silence speaks??

 I longed to confide in someone about my troubles, hoping to find solace in sharing my burdens. Yet, a deep-seated fear held me back. I worried that exposing my vulnerabilities might strain our friendship. Ultimately, I chose silence, leaving me to grapple with my thoughts alone. When will I learn to let go of these endless ruminations?

Navigating relationships can be challenging. Knowing what to share, with whom, and where to seek support is crucial. When sacrifices and compromises become one-sided, it can strain even the strongest bonds.

 I've accepted that my pain is a part of my journey. If it's meant to be alleviated, it will happen without my conscious effort. I'm ready to embrace whatever changes or challenges may come my way, trusting in a higher power.

New year's wish!!

 New year’s hug, a hopeful start,

A blank page, a brand new art.

May joy and love forever impart,

A year of bliss, right from the heart.