Today was one of those days where everything felt like an uphill battle. The irritation was palpable, and I just couldn't shake it. But then, in the evening, I stumbled upon a piece of my past that offered an unexpected solace: a pure silk saree I bought during my Bangalore days, about 15 or 16 years ago.
I vividly recall buying a collection of these beautiful silk sarees, each a different design and unique color. Funnily enough, my mother and aunt ended up "claiming" two of them without a word, even though I'd bought them for myself. They both looked stunning in them at my wedding reception, so I couldn't really complain!
I still had two left. One I've worn regularly, but this specific one had been at my in-laws' house for years. I finally brought it back on my last visit and had been experimenting with different blouses. Tonight, however, I was curious to see if it would look better with its original blouse or a contrasting one. This simple, focused activity of styling the saree was incredibly therapeutic. It was like the irritation just melted away.
From there, I moved on to another project: giving a small grocery cabinet a much-needed facelift. It was a time-consuming task, but by the time I finished, I felt a profound sense of calm and accomplishment.
These moments of irritation often stem from a recurring thought: the feeling that people don't truly choose me for who I am. Instead, it feels like I'm chosen only when it's convenient or when they find me useful. It’s a tough realization to sit with.
What’s the answer when people don't choose you? You can't force anyone, can you? I just wish I was inherently "good enough" that they naturally would. And so, another day draws to a close. Perhaps I overthink these things. It's probably not even worth the mental energy, right?
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