Is solitude truly lonely??

Today was a day for rest and rejuvenation. After a turbulent night's sleep, my mantra was simply to unwind. I found solace in the soulful ghazals of Jagjit Singh, letting his melodies wash over me as I delved into the meaning of each word. It was a day dedicated to enjoying my own company, a much-needed reprieve.

It's interesting how often life seems to echo my thoughts. I've often found my internal questions reflected in the newspaper, and today was no different. An article touched on the very nature of these recurring questions, suggesting they stem from an inherent tendency to compare our life experiences with others. Perhaps it's true; maybe I see those around me navigating life with more apparent ease, wishing for similar moments of joy and success, even as I genuinely celebrate their happiness.

As an eight-year-old, I could never have imagined the complexities and beautiful moments life would throw my way. Yet, when I look to the future, an unknown fear creeps in, a sense of uncertainty about what lies ahead. Maybe everyone harbors these same fears, carefully hidden from view, especially when children are present. I remember, as a teenager, sensing my own parents' anxieties, and from then on, a similar apprehension took root in me. I've managed to navigate through it, but that lingering fear, in hindsight, still troubles me.

This is why I've always yearned for someone who could simply sit with me and understand, even without words. Life, in its peculiar way, did grant me such a connection – someone who could articulate my doubts and fears, but it was, unfortunately, short-lived.

I recall a particularly challenging time when I received two excellent job offers. However, my father's wish for me to marry first led me to decline them. Neither of us could have foreseen that marriage wouldn't bring the satisfaction we hoped for. I genuinely regret not taking those opportunities; at the very least, I could have gained more financial independence during those years. Despite witnessing so many difficult marriages among his peers and even people my age, my father remained remarkably optimistic about my future.

For the sake of his optimism, I reluctantly agreed, stepping into the unknown without a clear vision. To this day, I've managed to put on a good show for others, but deep down, loneliness persists. Perhaps this is why one must never compromise on their fundamental desires from the very beginning. Life will inevitably demand compromises, and one day, the weight of them might become overwhelming. But in those moments, I truly felt I had no other path. I took a chance, hoping for a stroke of good luck.