The parable of the chariot!!

 This is a story explained in Katha Upanishad. Here it goes as below,

Imagine a grand chariot, a symbol of the human body. Within this chariot, a wise and noble soul resides, the true self, the Atman. This soul is the ultimate passenger, the silent observer of the journey.

Guiding this chariot is a skilled charioteer, the intellect, or Buddhi. With a steady hand, the charioteer holds the reins, representing the mind, or Manas. These reins control the powerful horses, symbolizing the five senses. The senses, like spirited steeds, are constantly pulling in different directions, drawn to the alluring sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and touches of the world.

The path the chariot traverses is the world itself, filled with countless distractions and temptations. The charioteer must navigate this path with wisdom and discernment, ensuring the horses remain focused and the chariot stays on course.

A wise charioteer understands the true nature of the self and the impermanent nature of the world. They recognize that the soul is not bound by the body or the senses. It is a divine spark, pure and eternal.

The goal of the journey is to transcend the limitations of the physical body and the mind. By cultivating self-awareness and controlling the senses, the soul can break free from the cycle of rebirth and attain liberation.

The parable of the chariot teaches us that true happiness and fulfillment lie not in the pursuit of worldly pleasures, but in the realization of our true nature. By understanding the intricate relationship between the self, the mind, and the senses, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery and spiritual enlighten

ment.

Alpana's

 Some more Alpana's that I did long back. 

हृदय की पुकार!!

 

दिल में जलन, आँखों में नमी,

जीना हुआ है मुश्किल, कमी।

युवावस्था में ही छोड़ा जीवन,

क्यों नहीं मिलती मुझे ये शांति निंद्रा?

दूसरों की खुशी, मेरा कर्तव्य,

अपनी चाहतें, बस एक व्यर्थ कल्पना।

बंधनों में बंधी, मैं उड़ नहीं पाती,

मन ही मन में, मैं रोती, हँसती।

कृतज्ञ होना चाहिए, ये मैं जानती,

परंतु मन उदास, आँखें नम सी रहतीं।

स्वयं के लिए कुछ करना, बस एक ख्वाब,

दुःख की गहराइयों में, खोई रहती हूँ अब।

  

A question for the ages: To obey or not to obey!!

Hiranyakashipu, a demonic king, had a son named Prahlada, renowned for his unwavering devotion to Lord Vishnu. Prahlada's son, Virochana, was, unfortunately, a demon. Virochana's son, Mahabali, however, was another great devotee.

A young boy, perhaps a descendant of this lineage, once pondered a profound question. He asked his father, "Shri Rama, revered as Purushottam, obeyed his father, King Dasharatha. Prahlada, on the other hand, defied his father, Hiranyakashipu, and is celebrated for his devotion to Lord Vishnu. Should I, then, obey you or follow my own path of devotion?"

The father, faced with this logical query, responded with a touch of irony. "We do not live in the Satya Yuga or Treta Yuga, my son. We are in the Kali Yuga. Therefore, it is best for both of us to listen to your mother."

The Devine Feminine Power: Story of Maa Lakshmi!!

Mata Lakshmi, a Revolutionary Figure

Mata Lakshmi is revered for her revolutionary spirit, having challenged many traditional customs. The Margashira Masa Gurubar puja is a testament to her legacy.

Legend has it that she sought Lord Jagannath's permission to visit any place on this sacred day. She chose to visit the humble abode of a low-caste woman who worshiped her with deep devotion. By doing so, she championed equality and demonstrated that divine grace is not confined to a particular caste. True devotion, coupled with good character, can elevate anyone, regardless of their social standing.

When ostracized, Mata Lakshmi temporarily withdrew her divine powers from her husband to highlight his shortcomings. She even compelled Lord Jagannath and Balabhadra to recognize their mistakes and rectify them.

This powerful narrative serves as a timeless reminder of the fight against caste discrimination. It emphasizes the importance of interpersonal skills, hygiene, and spirituality. Moreover, it showcases the profound influence a woman can exert within a household, challenging patriarchal norms.

Margashira Masa Gurubar -Last Thursday!!

 Today is the last Thursday of Margashira Masa. The purnima being on coming Sunday. So, this festival for this year 2024 is going to be over today. Maa Lakshmi will be worshipped across Odisha and at all homes of Odia people outside of Odisha too. 

Today is 12-12. An unique number for this month. Seeking Maa's blessings in our life. 

Here, is a few pictures of Alpana by me for today's puja. 

The year of acceptance!!

 The year was full of surprises, both good and bad. It showed me that life doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes things happen that we don't want, and sometimes things we really want don't happen.

Happy times and sad times don't last forever. People can come and go, no matter how close we are to them. But some people stay, even when things aren't perfect.

The biggest lesson I learned is that I have to rely on myself. If I don't take care of myself, no one else will.

This year felt like a repeat of 2010-11. I experienced the same pain and loneliness, even though I was surrounded by people. I found myself thinking about the past and remembering good times.

I kept asking myself the same questions, over and over again. I realized that I will always miss what I lost years ago. Even though I know it doesn't help, I still miss that special bond.

I know I'm a very emotional person and I'll have to deal with these feelings. It's a tough reality, but it's who I am. I cried a lot, just like I did in 2010.

Some years are so similar, it's hard to forget them. Life goes on, but losing someone dear can affect you at any time. That's what I've learned.

Nachiketa's Quest for Truth!!

 The Katha Upanishad is one of the most beloved and widely studied Upanishads, known for its profound philosophical insights and the captivating story of Nachiketa and Yama, the god of death.

The Story of Nachiketa

The story begins with a sage named Vajasravas, who performs a grand sacrifice (yajna) to appease the gods. As part of the ritual, he offers gifts to the priests, but among them are some old, infirm cows, deemed unfit for any practical use. His young and inquisitive son, Nachiketa, notices this and is troubled by the thought that his father might be incurring sin by offering such worthless gifts.

Nachiketa confronts his father, asking to whom he intends to offer him as a gift. His father, initially angered, eventually agrees to offer his son to Yama, the god of death.

Nachiketa, undeterred, journeys to the abode of Yama. When he arrives, Yama is absent, and Nachiketa patiently waits for three days. Impressed by the boy's unwavering determination and his thirst for knowledge, Yama grants him three boons.

The Three Boons

For his first boon, Nachiketa asks for the well-being of his father. Yama grants this wish.

For his second boon, Nachiketa requests the knowledge of the sacred fire sacrifice, which Yama imparts to him.

For his third and final boon, Nachiketa asks for the ultimate knowledge, the knowledge of the Self or Atman, the true nature of reality. This request surprises Yama, as it is a profound question that even the gods ponder. However, recognizing Nachiketa's sincerity, Yama agrees to reveal this profound truth.

The Revelation of the Atman

Yama imparts to Nachiketa the knowledge of the Atman, the eternal, indestructible Self that resides within every being. He explains that the Atman is the ultimate reality, beyond the reach of death and suffering. It is the source of all knowledge and bliss.

The Katha Upanishad goes on to explore the nature of the Atman, the path to liberation (moksha), and the importance of self-realization. It emphasizes the need to transcend the limitations of the physical body and mind to attain the eternal bliss of the Atman.

The Significance of the Story

The story of Nachiketa and Yama is more than just a captivating tale. It symbolizes the human quest for ultimate truth and the divine grace that guides seekers on their spiritual path. Nachiketa's unwavering determination and his thirst for knowledge serve as an inspiration for all those who seek to understand the mysteries of existence.

The Katha Upanishad, through its profound teachings and the engaging narrative of Nachiketa's journey, invites us to delve deep into the nature of reality and to embark on our own spiritual quest for liberation.

Mokshada Ekadashi and it's Significance!!

Mokshada Ekadashi, also known as Gita Jayanti, holds immense significance for Hindus as it marks the day Lord Krishna imparted the profound wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita to Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. This sacred text, a timeless guide to life's spiritual journey, was revealed on this auspicious day.

Mokshada Ekadashi is observed on the eleventh lunar day (Ekadashi) during the bright fortnight (Shukla Paksha) of the Hindu month of Margashirsha. The word "Mokshada" signifies liberation or salvation, highlighting the spiritual significance of this day.

The Story Behind Mokshada Ekadashi

Legend has it that a devout king, deeply grieved by the suffering of his father in the afterlife, sought guidance from a sage. The sage advised him to observe Mokshada Ekadashi with utmost devotion, believing that the merits accrued from this sacred fast could liberate his father from the cycle of birth and death.

The king, along with his family, embraced the fast with unwavering faith. Their devotion pleased Lord Vishnu, who granted salvation to the king's father and blessed the entire family with eternal bliss.

The Significance of Observing Mokshada Ekadashi

 * Salvation and Liberation: Mokshada Ekadashi is considered highly auspicious for attaining moksha, the ultimate liberation from the cycle of birth and death.

 * Spiritual Enlightenment: Observing this fast and studying the Bhagavad Gita can lead to profound spiritual enlightenment and inner peace.

 * Divine Blessings: Devotees who worship Lord Vishnu with sincere devotion on this day are believed to receive His divine blessings and protection.

 * Purification of the Soul: The fast purifies the soul, removing sins and negative karma accumulated over lifetimes.

Rituals and Practices

On Mokshada Ekadashi, devotees typically observe a strict fast, abstaining from food and water for the entire day. Some may choose to consume only fruits and water.

 * Early Morning Rituals:

   * Wake up before sunrise and take a holy bath.

   * Cleanse the home and worship area.

   * Offer prayers to Lord Vishnu and recite the Vishnu Sahasranama.

   * Chant the Bhagavad Gita or listen to its recitation.

 * Evening Rituals:

   * Break the fast after sunset with fruits and light vegetarian food.

   * Offer prayers and gratitude to Lord Vishnu.

By observing Mokshada Ekadashi with sincere devotion, one can pave the way for spiritual liberation and eternal bliss.

Your path, your choice!!

 Life's a journey, full of choices, big and small.

Each path has its challenges, a rise and fall.

You can choose the easy road, or the harder way,

But remember, every choice shapes your day.

You can stay single, or find a mate,

Both paths have joy, and both meet fate.

You can eat healthy, or indulge your desire,

Your body's the temple, set it on fire.

You can save your money, or spend it with glee,

Financial freedom, sets your spirit free.

You can learn new things, or stick to the old,

Knowledge is power, a story untold.

You can dream big, or settle for less,

The choice is yours, to put it to the test.

You can let go of toxic folks, or stay and mend,

Your peace of mind, is worth every end.

So choose your path, with courage and might,

Shape your destiny, shining ever bright.

Duality of divine manifestation!!

 This is taken from the teachings of Mata Ji Pravjika Divyanandaprana. 

In ancient times, a unique cloth dyer resided in a bustling village market. Unlike his peers who possessed multiple vats of vibrant dyes, this dyer had only one. Yet, he possessed an extraordinary ability: he could color any cloth in any hue or pattern, simply by immersing it in his singular vat.

People marveled at his magic. Some would request a specific color, while others would leave the choice to the dyer. Regardless of the request, the cloth would emerge, perfectly dyed.

Swami Ramakrishna Paramhansa employed this parable to illuminate the dual nature of God: the Saguna and the Nirguna. The Saguna aspect represents God with form and attributes, while the Nirguna aspect signifies the formless, attributeless Absolute. When we pray to God for specific desires, we are invoking the Saguna form, much like requesting a particular color from the dyer. When we surrender to God's will, we are tapping into the Nirguna form, akin to accepting whatever color the dyer chooses.

Swami Brahmananda further expanded on this concept, likening the dyer's vat to the human mind. By purifying and calming the mind, we can manifest our desires, just as the dyer could produce any color from his single vat.

Thus, the parable teaches us a profound lesson: our thoughts shape our reality. By cultivating positive and elevated thoughts, we can attract positive experiences and manifest our highest aspirations.

A Tapestry of Life!!

Look at these tiny seeds clinging to the palm trees. It's astounding how such minuscule beginnings give rise to towering giants. These trees, rooted in the earth, stand tall and silent, enduring the passage of time. They produce oxygen, nourishing countless creatures, and offer fruits as sustenance. Even as they support the growth of climbers that draw sustenance from them, they remain steadfast.

It's a testament to the divine design that these trees, in their quiet service, contribute to the flourishing of life. They anchor the soil, temper the wind, and provide the essential elements for survival. This intricate balance, where one creature sustains another, is a universal truth.

We, too, play a role in this cosmic dance. Our lives are marked by both joy and sorrow, as we often receive not what we desire, but what we truly need. Our purpose, once fulfilled, gives way to the next. It's a poignant reminder of the cyclical nature of existence.

Unruly Tears!!

Tears fall endlessly, a constant flow,

Though mornings start with hope, it’s not so.

A few short hours, and longing takes hold,

A heavy heart, a story yet untold.

For years I’ve hidden, emotions restrained,

Unprepared for the pain, the heartache sustained.

Letting go’s promise, a distant sight,

A yearning embrace, lost in the night.

Words left unspoken, feelings concealed,

A heart burdened, its truth revealed.

Overwhelmed by sadness, a stormy sea,

I struggle to find peace, wild and free.

Why must I stifle, these feelings so deep?

A creature of emotion, secrets I keep.

A child of the heavens, divinely made,

Today’s sorrow, a mournful shade.

Lost in the darkness, a mournful sight,

Tears endlessly falling, day and night.

A yearning for release!!

Why do I yearn for understanding’s grace?

Why do I seek solutions, lost in space?

A restless mind, a soul in pain,

A prisoner of thoughts, again and again.

Why does letting go seem such a strife?

Why do I cling to memories, a fading life?

Yearning for chances, lost in time’s cruel hand,

A simple wish for a life, peaceful and planned.

A mind tormented, a spirit subdued,

A vision obscured, a future unviewed.

A heavy price for the gift of breath,

A life of longing, a dance with death.

A heart adrift, a soul forlorn,

A quest for peace, a hope withdrawn.

Unreachable dreams, a futile chase,

A weary mind, a desolate space.

Who will soothe this troubled soul?

Who will make my spirit whole?

A silent plea, a heartfelt sigh,

A wish for peace, a wish to die.

जीने के लिए सोचा ही नहीं दर्द संभल ने होंगे !!

 उस मोड़ पर खड़ी है ज़िन्दगी

जीने की चाह नहीं

पर न मरने की मजबूरी है !!

अब जेसे भी कटनी है 

जल्दी कट जा यह ज़िन्दगी 

अब और घिसने की चाहत नहीं !!

Purpose in life!!

I feel a deep sense of purpose, a higher calling that I can’t quite define. Perhaps my potential is greater than I realize. I’m aware of God’s presence, guiding me even when my intentions are misguided. It’s perplexing how my missteps often lead to positive outcomes. Could it be that I’m meant to redirect situations for the benefit of others?

I sometimes believe God has placed me in a broken family to cultivate empathy. It’s easy to love and forgive those with minor flaws, but loving and forgiving those who constantly need it is a true test. Perhaps this is my ultimate purpose: to love, forgive, and bring out the best (or worst) in them, while detaching myself from their approval or gratitude.

Life is a journey towards our highest potential. Learning to let go of the outcomes of our efforts, whether success or failure, is essential. It’s a long road, but one I’m committed to taking, regardless of my final destination.

In the garden of now!!

 

Oh, restless mind, can’t you cease?

This moment’s beauty, a fleeting peace.

A twilight’s hush, a gentle breeze,

Yet your thoughts wander, wild and free.

No perfect life, no wish fulfilled,

Perhaps a blessing, a hidden yield.

This present moment, a precious sight,

A gift unknown, a pure delight.

So let us savor, this evening’s grace,

Nature’s beauty, a serene space.

Feel the air, a gentle kiss,

Gaze at the sky, a boundless bliss.

Oh, weary mind, let’s find our rest,

In this sweet moment, truly blessed.

The Failure of Empathy : Introspection !!

"We live in a world where challenges are commonplace. When faced with adversity, we often attribute it to divine tests for ourselves and the consequences of past actions(karmas) when it happens to someone else. 

Isn't this a rather callous perspective? Do we consciously or unconsciously engage in such thinking? How self-centered are we as humans? Why are we unable to genuinely empathize with the suffering of others, but instead, find ourselves, sometimes, laughing at their pain? Why does our intellect hinder us from being more compassionate and kind? What prevents us from being better? Is this a true reflection of our inner selves?"

Time for genuine introspection?? 

Tiny Treasures!!

A splash of pink, a hidden sight,

A tiny flower, bathed in light.

Atop a stem, so slender, fine,

A jewel of nature, so divine.

With petals soft, like velvet's touch,

And colors bright, so very much.

It blooms unseen, in hidden place,

A secret beauty, full of grace.

Beside it stands, a burst of yellow,

A trumpet flower, tall and mellow.

Its petals bright, like sunshine's gleam,

A joyful sight, in nature's dream.

So small and fragile, yet so strong,

A symbol of hope, where it belongs.

They remind us all, to take a pause,

And find the beauty, in nature's cause.

Margashira Masa Gurubar Day 2!!

 See my alpana for today. 

Nature's embrace!!

 A row of palm trees, champa flowers bloom,

A beautiful sight, dispelling gloom.

Tiny yellow flowers, a pink border's grace,

This is my home, a peaceful place.

Modern comforts, gardens green and bright,

Fill my heart with joy, morning, noon, and night.

Children's laughter, elders' gentle pace,

A friendly neighborhood, a heartwarming space.

Nature's beauty, a gift from above,

Fills my soul with peace and endless love.

When worries arise, and hope starts to fade,

Nature's embrace lifts my spirit, unafraid.

An unheard plea!!

 Kalpana's arranged marriage to a high-ranking government official was a union filled with love and spiritual devotion. Her world blossomed further with the birth of her daughter, followed by a son. Yet, beneath this seemingly perfect facade, a silent torment gnawed at her soul.

Her husband, though deeply affectionate, refused to consider using contraception. The result was a series of unwanted pregnancies, each followed by a heart-wrenching abortion. These repeated procedures took a devastating toll on her physical and mental well-being. Despite her suffering, her husband remained unyielding, leaving her trapped in a cycle of pain and despair.

Kalpana was caught in a cruel dilemma. She yearned to protect the innocent lives growing within her, yet she was powerless to stop the forced terminations. The weight of these decisions, coupled with the constant reliance on medication, transformed her once vibrant spirit. Her body grew heavy, her movements sluggish, and her once simple joys became distant memories.

The question lingers: Would her fate have been different if her partner had understood her feelings, her fears, and her desires? Why was her plea for bodily autonomy, for the right to choose, dismissed? Was it merely because she was a woman?

Her story is a poignant reminder of the enduring struggle for women's rights, a battle against societal norms that often prioritize the desires of men over the well-being of women.

A blessed life!!

 I feel blessed to have been born on December 31,

A day when the world celebrates and looks forward to a bright future.

I am grateful for the equal opportunities I receive,

Just like my brothers.

I take pride in having topped my class,

Making my parents proud and feeling unique.

I’m thankful that I could leave my first job,

Passing it to someone who needed it more than I did.

I am fortunate to have worked at leading companies,

Surrounded by wonderful colleagues.

I’ve learned so much from those I know

And from those I have yet to meet.

I am blessed to love deeply,

And I am thankful that I have not caused emotional pain.

I’m grateful that I have never turned away from those in need,

Choosing instead to offer support to everyone around me.

I feel blessed to have endured three times the pain

Just to bring one little child into the world.

I appreciate the mentors I’ve had,

Even those who are far away,

Who continue to guide me in their own way.

Everyone I’ve met has taught me something,

Regardless of whether they liked me or not.

I’m not lucky; I am truly blessed.

This is who I am and what I have achieved.

I cannot show it through certificates or possessions,

But it lives in my heart.

December and the year coming to an end!!

 This year is coming to an end and we reached December finally. As every year this will end with my birthday being 31st of December. 

Well I have long list of things to do before my birthday this year. However, I also have a strange feeling and realisation that I and my mind will hurt me if I live long.

 Somehow, I just want to meet everyone I love and wish that I should not live long.  It's not like I don't have goals or I don't have any responsibility. I do have but my realisation says, every year same seasons will come, same mundane life will be there. I will try to make it interesting but everyday as I go back to bed my mind will drag me to things that I can't have. 

I don't know why but God has taken something that I thought I could live without but in past couple of years have realised it's a big thing. Longing to have something which is not mine is such a selfish thing and I don't want to be that selfish. I can't be that selfish. I am grateful that God made me strong enough to accept it but at the same time I feel sad that I am unable to control my mind. 

May be I should remain very busy and be able to concentrate only on things that belong to my present and future. But, it is not easy for me and I am being the reason behind my pain.  I have learnt to mask it so well that nobody knows my pain anymore. Each day I do my duty with love in my heart with faith that God knows my pain. But, still somehow I am loosing interest to live. 

What is left for me to do?? Yes, might be there is something that I could and only I could do. But, the zeal to live, the zeal to see bigger picture and to achieve anything is diminishing in me. I know my responsibilities are there but anyway it will never end or it will end when my child is grown up and finally lives me for higher studies or his occupation. A mother's duty never ends... May be my desire not to live is selfish for my child. 

But, sometimes I feel like fighting my own mind, correcting my own mindset to let me be in right spirit. How long can I do that and how to I change my circumstances to be so busy that I do not have time to think. 

They say a free mind is the worst enemy so is mine. I am not in a bad mood today but I am trying to write what goes on inside me at this age. This should ideally happen in a later stage of life. But, I am having this feeling from a few years now. I silently pray that my pain just goes and it will happen the day I finally return to where I came from. How can this happen as I so wish it to happen.

 Is this also being selfish? Can god give me a better reason to wish to live. I don't know. Do I only feel like this or others my age also feel the same. How to cope with it.. I have no answer. May be if I am able to find another path I would wish to live but at my current situation I hardly wish that. 

I am all thankful that God gave me the ability to express myself atleast here. Or else it just keeps popping up inside my heart and mind. One last wish to meet my friends and family. Do I not know the art of living? What is wrong with me?? I don't know, but as I accept my feelings.. I wish it ends peacefully. I don't know what to pray or wish now. I am just feeling like a bird in a cage and the cage is my current life. 

Forgive me god if this is against your wish. But, it's my current state and I am just trying to explain myself to you. Hope you will understand me as I don't see anyone who could understand me. I am ready to accept what you have for me. 

वक़्त और ज़िन्दगी !!

 यह वक़्त हमें हर गम के साथ जीना 

सीखा देता है 

धीरे धीरे यह हमें हर दर्द के साथ 

जीना सीखा देता है 

वक़्त ज़िन्दगी से मुश्किलों को 

नहीं हटाता है 

बस हमें तज़ुर्बा दे कर हर मुश्किलों

का सामना करना सीखा देता है 

Thankful Hearts : A Gathering of Hope!!

 Once upon a time in a small town, there lived a woman named Grace. Known for her kind heart and bright smile, she was the neighbor everyone leaned on. But as Thanksgiving approached, Grace faced challenges that felt insurmountable.

Last spring, she had lost her job due to company downsizing. It came as a shock, especially since she had dedicated over a decade to her work. With her savings dwindling and bills piling up, worry began to shadow the warmth of her home. Shortly after, her mother fell ill, requiring care and attention. Balancing job hunting and caregiving left Grace exhausted and overwhelmed.

As Thanksgiving drew near, her heart was heavy. The holiday was often a time of joy and gratitude, but this year, it felt more like a reminder of what she had lost. Still, a flicker of determination glimmered within her. She had a choice to make—she could sink into despair or find a way to be thankful amidst the storm.

One evening, as she was sitting by the window, watching the leaves fall, Grace reflected on her life. She noticed the beauty of the sunset painting the sky—a brilliant blend of orange and pinks. It reminded her that even the day’s end could be beautiful, despite the darkness. That thought sparked something in her.

With a heavy heart yet a resolute spirit, Grace decided to host a Thanksgiving gathering for those in the community who might also be feeling isolated or struggling. She sent out invitations to a few neighbors she knew had faced hardship: the single father down the street, the elderly couple always looking out for her, and a young woman who had recently moved to town and seemed lonely.

She spent the days leading up to Thanksgiving preparing. With limited funds, she dug through her pantry and made a simple menu of lentil soup, roasted vegetables, and a little apple pie for dessert. While cooking, she sang softly, recalling the memories of Thanksgivings past—her mother’s laughter filling the kitchen and the aroma of her favorite dishes.

On Thanksgiving Day, Grace set her modest table adorned with a few handmade decorations. When her guests arrived, they were greeted with warmth and the scent of warm food. The atmosphere filled with laughter and stories, shared joys and sorrows. Grace noticed how the room filled with a sense of community, reminding her that connection, love, and support often shone through in the darkest times.

As they sat down to eat, Grace offered a heartfelt prayer. “Thank you, Almighty, for this food, for these wonderful people gathered here, and the strength to face our challenges together. May we support one another as we journey through this life.”

In her heart, she felt a shift. It was in that moment of gratitude that she recognized the love that still surrounded her—friends who cared, moments of joy in shared laughter, and the resilience she found deep within herself.

After dinner, they shared stories of gratitude. While some spoke of estates and successes, Grace and the others shared tales of overcoming adversity. Each story woven together, creating a rich tapestry of hope and community.

By the end of the night, when everyone had left with full bellies and hearts, Grace sat alone in the residual warmth of the gathering. She understood that though life was challenging and uncertain, there was always a reason to give thanks. She realized that, even through tears and trials, there was beauty in resilience and strength in togetherness.

From that Thanksgiving on, Grace made it a tradition to host a gathering each year. What started as a way to cope turned into an opportunity to uplift others. She found that in giving thanks and sharing light, even in the darkest times, she blossomed with hope and faith, moving forward with gratitude in her heart.

Margashira Masa Gurubar!!

 Today, being the second Thursday of Margashira Masa. We Odia's worship Maa Lakshmi. And alpana is decorated in homes to welcome Maa Lakshmi. Here I post some pics of the Alpana I did.

Real meaning of Detachment!!

 I heard a powerful 1 min talk from a spiritual guru that I admire. He was talking about real meaning of Detachment. 

He said, " Going away is not detachment. Staying with them and not being affected by them is detachment. Not talking to them is not detachment but talking to them yet not being affected is real detachment. Detachment is not when someone goes away but being okay with their presence. " Wow it's much more hard than it appears in these sentences is not it..

And a story of Mandodari and Ravana came to mind. Mandodari kept telling Ravana that do not fight with Ram or keep Sita in your captive. Ram is an incarnation of lord Vishnu yet Ravana did not listen to her. She kept praying, doing yajnas still Ravana did not change his mind. Her name is chanted during marriages reminding how devoted she was to her husband. But, her plea was not heard by her husband. Did she succeed in detachment?? I don't know.. 

What would a guru tell me when you want to detach yourself from your close relationships like your spouse or your kids. Being in a family yet detached from the pain or pleasure that these close relationships bring to us. Is it possible? How will one succeed in that?? I wish I get an answer to this in a few days. 

A Desire beyond time!!

 In the shadows of my heart, a longing burns bright,

A desire to meet you, my guiding light.

So fierce is this wish, it travels through time,

If not in this life, then in death’s quiet rhyme.

Life, with its lessons, teaches me to let go,

Yet each passing day, my attachment does grow.

I stumble and falter, despite what I learn,

As I yearn for your presence, this ache will not turn.

Oh, why does this urge grip me so tight?

At this stage of my life, it fills me with plight.

Thoughts swirl like whispers, relentless and bold,

My mind, a wild tempest, in longing unfolds.

So here in the quiet, I seek to find peace,

To soften the edges of love that won’t cease.

Yet still, through the chaos, my heart bids me stay,

In the dance of desire, forever, I sway.

Some more from my needle!!

 These are my long long back works, some are as old as 12 to 13 yrs and some even before that. 

My Thoughts on spirituality .

 Yesterday, heard a guru speak about Garuda Purana. I first heard about it in my days at first organization. My team mate who was a devoted Bhramin was reading Garuda Purana when free. Out of curiosity I asked him what was he reading. He answered me that there is a death in his family and they read Garuda Purana during the 13 days of observation. 

I must not stop myself from admitting that Bhramin's in South are much more devoted to their practice and they follow the rituals with so much dedication. One of my other team mate would apply chandan paste over his head and both hands to office. Will a Bhramin guy from my place do that? Might be but never saw anyone so dedicated. Infact I see Bhramin's in my place being the first one to overthrow the rituals and traditional practices. Well I won't judge them for their beliefs but my rational mind definitely questions why they have to set rules for all when they are the ones not to follow? 

After so many years yesterday again heard of Garuda Purana and thus my curiosity began deepening. I just downloaded a copy and started reading. I am reading it to understand what makes me suffer and why sometimes I feel like it's a loop. Can it really fulfill my quest only time can say. How can I fix something for myself and help anyone around me the right way. 

Our scriptures say to naam jaap and I do practice that whenever I can with a thought if Ajamila could get salvation just by calling out to his son Narayan then why can't I do so. Hope this takes me up in my search for going up in spiritual ladder. 

Prathamashtami pics!!

 Showcasing turmeric leafs ( I got a turmeric plant from a local store in Hyderabad), enduri pitha served with Ghuguni ( yellow pea curry) and kheer. 

Prathamasthami : A celebration of firstborns in Odisha!!

 

Prathamastami is a special festival celebrated in Odisha for firstborn children. On this day, the firstborn wears new clothes, and a traditional dish called Enduri Pitha is prepared. Enduri Pitha is a type of stuffed rice cake wrapped in turmeric leaves, giving it a unique aroma. The child’s maternal uncle is responsible for gifting new clothes to his niece or nephew.

Timing and Significance

Prathamastami is observed on the Krushna Paksha Astami during the lunar month of Margasira (November–December). It is one of the most popular festivals in Odisha. The name "Prathamastami" comes from the Odia calendar, where Margasira is considered the first month. Although it is the first Astami of the year, it is celebrated as such, leading some to refer to this month as Agrahyana.

In Hindu tradition, the eldest child, known as Padhuan, is expected to take on significant responsibilities for the family. This festival is celebrated for the well-being, longevity, and prosperity of the eldest child.

Rituals and Customs

In India, firstborns enjoy special privileges and responsibilities. On Prathamastami, the child is adorned with vermillion, sandal paste, and flowers, and is decorated with doob grass and akshata (colored rice). It is customary for the maternal uncle to provide new clothes for the child, who is referred to as astami-bandhu.

During the celebration, families offer five types of grains, leaves, and flowers to the gods, including Lord Ganesh and Ista Devi. A water-filled pitcher, covered with coconut and mango leaves, is worshipped with offerings of sweetmeats, cakes, and curries. The new clothes are also blessed with the sacred pitcher. After the worship, the child wears the new clothes and sits on a wooden pedestal (Pidha). In front of the child, a Kalash (pitcher) is placed on a handful of paddy, topped with a branch of mango leaves and a coconut. The mother or an elderly lady prays to Sathi or Sasthi Devi for the child’s long life and good health.

Special Foods

A highlight of the celebration is the Enduri Pitha, a rice cake filled with sweet stuffing and wrapped in turmeric leaves before being steamed. This dish is first offered to Sasthi Devi, the protector of children, and is known for its distinctive aroma from the turmeric leaves. In some regions of Odisha, a special food item called ashtami badi is prepared in quantities of 14. Other delicacies like Haladi Patra Pitha, Khiri, Mua, and Dalma are also made for the occasion. Enduri Pitha is unique to this festival and is not prepared at other times of the year.

Folklore and Traditions

Like many Odia festivals, Prathamastami has its own folklore. It is believed that on this day, Krishna and Balaram visited their maternal aunt, Raja Kansa, wearing new clothes and were honored in a similar manner. Even Lord Jagannatha follows this sweet tradition, with a special Bandapana arranged for Him. Bada Thakura Balabhadra also adheres to this custom, receiving new clothes from His maternal uncle, Madhabanandajew of Niali. There are also special rituals performed in Shrimandira for Prathamastami.

On this day, the representative deity of Lord Lingaraja, Chandrashekhara, is taken out in a palanquin to Kapali Matha, considered His maternal uncle's home near Papanasini Tank. Lord Lingaraja is offered new clothes and Muan (sweetened rice flake balls) by His uncle, Shri Baruneshwara. Prathamastami is a vibrant celebration that strengthens family ties and honors the firstborn, reflecting the rich cultural heritage of Odisha.

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My preparations for Prathamshtami!!

Tomorrow being Prathamashtami, I am done with preparing the batter for Enduri Pitha, made its stuffing and am all set to prepare Enduri tomorrow morning. We have very few turmeric leaves here in Hyderabad. At least we have some, so we are grateful. I am done cleaning and preparing them for tomorrow. In my household, we all are Pauduan's. I am the eldest child of my family and my husband is the eldest of his family, and we have only one kid. So, its a family celebration for us. Every year my maternal uncles give money to me to purchase clothes of my choice. Well, this usually stops post-marriage for both men and women. But, my maternal uncles have kept it going. My mother is the eldest in her family so they used to send money for both of us. And they still do the same. Now, after my marriage, I am getting money from my maternal uncles, parents, and mother-in-law. At first i used to refuse but then I learned it gives a different kind of pleasure to my maternal uncles so they send it to all their firstborn nephews and nieces. So, I accept it as a blessing from them. The amount that i get from my elders is good enough to buy me several dresses. Lol. 

This time I bought  4 different dresses. It's not very costly but good enough for different occasions. Some other kind of satisfaction is when you buy several clothes all at once. Well, I am still a kid at heart. 

Will share my experiences and pics after tomorrow's celebration. 

Whispers of Hope !!

 In the quiet dusk, when shadows play,

I lift my heart, to the skies I pray.

Oh Almighty, grant me ease and cheer,

Wrap my spirit in kindness, hold it near.

Bestow me strength, like roots of a tree,

Ground my resolve, let me always see.

With wisdom like stars, shining bright above,

Guide my footsteps toward the path of love.

Let compassion flow, like a gentle stream,

Help me uplift those who drift in their dream.

To spread warmth and joy in a world so cold,

Make my heart a sanctuary, brave and bold.

Let my hands be vessels of this sweet grace,

To reach out in kindness, a warm embrace.

To understand the struggles of those in need,

And plant seeds of hope, with every good deed.

Oh, Divine Light, illuminate my way,

Through trials and storms, let me find my sway.

For in giving and sharing, our spirits entwine,

In the art of compassion, our hearts shall shine.

So I pray for strength and a heart open wide,

To welcome the beauty that love can provide.

In harmony's grace, let our lives intertwine,

As we journey together towards the divine.

Finding Strength in Struggle: A mother's quest for Independence!!

Rai felt an overwhelming joy as she cradled her newborn son, the child her husband had always wished for. “Finally, I’m a mother!” she whispered, her heart swelling with happiness. “This is what I’ve always wanted. Maybe now life will feel normal, like it does for other women my age.”

But just as she began to dream of a peaceful life, the clouds rolled in. Her mother-in-law couldn’t bear to see Rai’s happiness. Within a week of her son’s arrival, a silly argument erupted between her in-laws and her parents. “Why can’t they just be happy for us?” Rai thought, frustration bubbling inside her. “Why do they have to make this about them?”

Choosing to side with her parents only deepened the rift. Rai felt the weight of disappointment pressing down on her. “Why can’t they just celebrate this new life with me?” she lamented. Instead, she felt the sting of their judgment, and it chipped away at her mental peace. The joy of motherhood began to fade, replaced by the shadows of postpartum depression. “I need to escape this,” she decided, opting to stay with her parents for a couple of months.

As the days passed, she found herself losing respect for her husband and his family. “Why am I even here?” she thought. “Can’t I survive on my own?” But her family and friends urged her to be patient. “This is just a rough patch,” they said. “Things will get better.” So, she tried to wait it out, hoping for brighter days.

After her maternity leave, she returned to work, juggling the demands of motherhood and her job. But her new status was met with cold shoulders. “No one understands what I’m going through,” she thought, feeling the weight of jealousy from her family. “Why do I have to stay with them? They’re family, but it feels so isolating.”

In her quiet moments, she prayed, “Please, give me the strength to be independent. I don’t want to rely on anyone.” Yet, deep down, she knew she was a social being, navigating through complex relationships and the envy that surrounded her. “Why can’t they see how hard I’m trying?” she wondered, feeling increasingly alone.

Eventually, the pressure from work and home became too much, and she surrendered, quitting her job when her son was just 2.5 years old. “I thought this would bring peace,” she thought bitterly, but instead, she discovered a new side of her husband and his family. They seemed to value money above all else, and their expectations weighed heavily on her. “Why is this happening?” she prayed, feeling sick with worry. “What did I do to deserve this struggle?”

Her heart ached as she reflected on her life. “I just wanted to be happy and make others happy,” she whispered to herself. “But now I feel so alone. Who is really standing by me? The people I thought were mine never really were.” Anguish filled her as she questioned her choices. “Was wanting to be a mother such a selfish act that I’m being punished for it? Now I’ve lost everything—my career, my peace, my sense of self. How will I provide for my son? Will I fail him too?”

Slowly, with each passing day, she began to recover. “I have to try again,” she told herself, determination flickering back to life. “I will find a way to make things easier for myself and my son.” She took a deep breath, ready to face the challenges ahead. “Will I succeed this time?” she wondered, but deep down, she felt a spark of hope. “I have to believe I can. For him, I will keep fighting.”

In the Shadow of Expectations: A Tale of Pregnancy and Perseverance!!

 After a year away, Rai returns to her hometown for a family event. As soon as she arrives, her relatives start asking her about starting a family. Each question cuts deep, stirring up her pain. What would she say? Would she ever become a mother? She doesn’t know. It’s hard for her to hide her feelings, but she has learned to keep her emotions in check, and she puts on a brave face.

Meanwhile, her in-laws begin to show their true colors, blaming her for everything she received as gifts. She had given her jewelry to her mother-in-law because she was traveling to a city where she had no safe place to keep it.

Slowly, Rai discovers that her husband and his family have lied about his job, his health, and their finances. Despite this, she continues to believe in him. She thinks about her past and wonders if she would have left her lover during tough times. Her inner voice says, “No,” so she chooses to keep going, supporting her husband just as she once did for her lover when he struggled in his career.

Then, her lover gets engaged. Rai congratulates him but decides to cut off all contact. She can’t bear to hear about another woman in his life. It hurts even more when he shares pictures of their courtship, doing everything he once promised her but now with someone else. She feels a wave of sadness wash over her. Why does fate deal her such a cruel hand?

Rai questions her past karma. Why does she end up with two men who aren’t good enough for her? Despite everything, she accepts her situation for the sake of her family’s reputation.

As her family continues to ask about starting a family, she reluctantly explains her husband’s condition to her mother. She decides to seek medical help. After examining her husband, the doctors recommend surgery, which they go through with, but it yields no positive results. Her life becomes a whirlwind of work, home, and endless doctor visits. Meanwhile, her lover gets married and has a child, naming the baby in a way that reminds her of their past. It feels like a fresh wound, and she wonders how much more pain she can endure.

Eventually, her husband finds a better job, and she breathes a sigh of relief. But then her work situation changes, and she quickly finds a new job. Life improves slightly; she has a bit more money, yet her personal life remains unchanged. She longs for a child.

The doctors suggest IVF, and Rai faces painful procedures. Each time she enters the operating room, her heart aches. She has to take countless injections to produce extra eggs, and she injects herself daily. With every needle, she silently cries, hoping for a miracle. She pays for the treatment herself, praying that something will finally work in her favor.

After five years of marriage, the IVF dates are set. She calls her parents for support since she works full-time. They come to help, and she gains weight from the treatment. She feels grateful that her husband agreed to this path. At one point, she considered adoption but feared she would feel guilty if she made any mistakes. She wanted to experience pregnancy and the joy of feeling a child kick. With hope in her heart, she commits to the IVF process, despite the toll it takes on her health.

When the doctor shows her two sets of embryos, she feels a wave of relief. But when they suggest delaying the implantation for a month, tears threaten to spill. Another delay? She trusts her doctors and returns when they say. The embryos are finally implanted, and she waits anxiously. After 15 days, the doctors tell her she’s pregnant with one child.

At last, relief washes over her, but anxiety lingers. How should she take care of herself now? Her inner voice reassures her that everything is normal. She decides to listen to that voice and does everything a normal pregnant woman would do, except for the extra injections she must take for three months. These are painful, and she needs help from a nurse.

A week later, she returns to work, visiting the hospital for her painful injections before heading to the office. However, the doctors inform her that she has gestational diabetes due to the steroids from the IVF. Now, she must take insulin three times a day, along with the painful injection that was prescribed earlier. She follows a strict diet while working full-time, keeping her condition a secret.

The real trouble begins when her husband insists he wants a boy. He even threatens to commit suicide if it’s a girl. Rai is shocked. She always dreamed of having a girl. Why does gender matter when they’ve struggled so much to conceive? Isn’t it a blessing to finally be having a child? She prays that it will be a boy, but her respect for her husband begins to fade.

Every doctor visit brings more blame from him. He criticizes her for not gaining enough weight or for the baby’s size. How can he blame her for things beyond her control when having a child is the very reason she married him? She tries to reassure him, reminding him to trust God, but inside, she feels hurt. She’s the one carrying the baby; she needs care and understanding, not criticism.

At six months pregnant, her husband leaves for work and forgets his luggage at the airport. He expects her to go find it. Is he out of his mind? The next month, he asks her to pick up his car from service when he was going to native. Who does that to a pregnant wife? When she expresses her frustration, the third time he was going out of station, he storms out and doesn’t return until the next morning. Rai, unable to sleep, is left alone with her worries.

The following morning, he returns to the house in anger and throws something heavy that hits her hand. She does not cry this time. Just goes back and sleeps taking that as a god's way to punish her. She cries within without sheding a drop of tear.

Her hand has a big brown patch. What would have happened if it would have hurt her stomach. How can he be so rude to her at this stage. Why does she have such a bad fate?Still she forgets it thinking he is anyway father of my child. What can I do now? She works and does not think about it. But, can she forget how she was treated in her pregnancy? Never.

Finally, her child arrives and it's a boy. 

Silent Sacrifices: A Tale of Love and Loss!!

 Rai's marriage was suddenly arranged, and she felt unprepared. Her heart still ached for her lover, who had chosen his family over her. Now, she was doing the same, prioritizing her family’s happiness and reluctantly agreeing to the marriage.

In just two weeks, the wedding would take place. Rai felt the need to call her lover to share her feelings, even though she knew it wasn't necessary. During the call, she found herself asking if he would ever want to be with her again. He firmly said "No." With a heavy heart, she told him about her marriage, forcing a smile to hide her tears.

Rai didn’t know the man she was marrying, nor did she want to. Everyone, including her lover, insisted that everything happens for a reason, as if they knew she would have a wonderful life ahead. But deep down, she didn’t feel that way. Did she have a choice? No. So, she steeled herself for the marriage.

“What is there for me in this marriage? How will I navigate this journey?” she wondered. Her inner voice replied, “Just look your best. Once you have a child, life will move on.” But how could she forget her lover, the one she was so attached to? Her inner voice answered, “You can’t.” Could she love another person the same way? Again, the answer was “No.” But if her husband loved her, she might learn to live with him. It wouldn’t be love, but rather an attachment to share a life together.

When her lover asked about the wedding date, she hesitated. Why did he want to know? He questioned her trust, saying, “Am I that bad?” A smile crept onto her face. She thought, “How can I tell you that I trusted you, still trust you, and always will? Knowing my wedding date makes you feel trusted, so here it is.” Yet, in her heart, she wished he would come and take her away before the wedding, even though she knew he couldn’t.

On her wedding day, she avoided looking at her husband. She went through the motions of taking vows, not caring whether he was watching her. When it was time to leave her family home, she noticed no tears from her father or brother. Her own tears had already dried up when her lover chose someone else. Now she thought, “Why should I cry when everyone seems so happy to send me away?”

On her wedding night, she felt awkward. When her husband approached her, she felt nothing. She wondered why she didn’t feel the butterflies in her stomach like she had when her lover kissed her. She could still remember that kiss, but felt nothing for her husband. It was a strange, emotionless feeling, almost like the experience of a prostitute who gives themselves away without feeling anything. Rai realized how human and vulnerable those prostitute were.

A week later, she discovered her husband had no real interest in her and was pretending otherwise. She had learned that he would need medical help to father a child. Lying on her pillow, she questioned God, “What should I do now? All I wanted was a child to help me through this marriage.” Then she reminded herself, “I married for my family. They are happy, and that’s what matters.” She kept her struggles to herself, trying to find the positives while ignoring the negatives. “At least he can’t hurt me, cant rape me” she thought. “It could be worse.”

When she returned to work, her mixed feelings from the wedding lingered. Her lover checked in on her, and she wished he would make her feel human again. “Just talk to me,” she thought. But she didn’t share her struggles. He suggested planning trips with her husband, and she read those messages, feeling frustrated. “What good would a trip do? My life is already a mess.” She didn’t want to share her problems, but she still craved to talk to him, knowing it couldn’t last forever.

A year later, her lover messaged her again, saying, “You’re with someone now, and I’m still alone.” Anger surged within her. Tears filled her eyes as she responded harshly. Her heart ached to tell him how miserable her life had become. Would it be selfish to share her pain with him? What could he do? Why did everyone push her to marry? They said it was God’s plan, but what if it wasn’t? Why couldn’t her lover have said, “Wait for me”? She would have waited forever. All she could do was accept the life God had chosen for her.

She sent a message that pushed him away, thinking, “Go live a better life than mine. If my defeat means your victory, so be it. I will accept my defeat for you to win. I loved you and will always love you. I will live my life in your memory and hope you find someone better than I could ever be. Go, so you have a fair chance to choose someone.”

Another bottle art!!

 A few years back during Pandemic I learnt this dot mandala technique, didn't purchase any special tool to do any of them. I just used an ear bud, match stick and a normal stick to create all of my bottle art that I have put before including this one.

If you are a newbie then try these things first before you end up buying those fancy dot mandala tools. Sometimes our common sense is better than just wasting money without trying and knowing if we want to pursue that art form. 

Bottle art is a great option to reuse and recycle old bottles. Great option for those who have alcohol drinkers at home. 😂 As you can notice I don't have any alcohol bottles, needless to now say why it's so. 😂 I wish I could..

Veils of Deception:- Jhuma's story!!

Jhuma discovered after her marriage that her husband’s family had lied to her. They had told her that he worked as an officer in a nationalized bank and owned a bus for public transport. But slowly, the truth came out: he was just a clerk, and the bus belonged to a relative of his. This revelation cut deep into Jhuma’s heart. She felt betrayed and wondered why anyone would start a lifelong relationship based on lies.

As if that weren’t enough, her mother-in-law and other relatives constantly pressured her for dowry and criticized her for every gift she received at the wedding. The weight of their expectations crushed her spirit.

A year later, Jhuma became pregnant, but the pressure from her in-laws only grew stronger. They whispered to her husband, and he believed their words without question. Instead of standing by her, he would come home and take out his frustration on her, sometimes hitting her with his belt. During a time when she needed love and support, she found herself in pain and agony.

Jhuma often cried out to God, asking why her sisters-in-law were treated so well in their maternal homes while she, the only daughter in her family, was mistreated. She questioned what she had done wrong to deserve such a life, such a family, and such a husband.

The stress of her situation affected her unborn child, and when she gave birth, the baby girl was mentally disabled. Jhuma felt utterly devastated. She searched for help but found none. For the sake of family dignity, she endured the hardships of her marriage. Eventually, she had a son, and thankfully, he was healthy. It took her husband until he was in his forties to realize that Jhuma was a good woman. For a brief moment, life seemed a little brighter.

However, when her husband turned fifty, he made a poor investment in real estate, taking out a large loan that didn’t pay off. This decision took a toll on his mental health, and he became dependent on medication to cope. When he turned fifty-four, he suffered a brain stroke in their bathroom, and Jhuma rushed him to the hospital.

While she was panicking and trying to save her husband, her relatives cruelly mocked her for the nightdress she wore, showing no understanding of her distress. After ten long days in the hospital, her husband passed away. Now, Jhuma was left with a massive loan, a son still in college, and a daughter who needed special care.

Throughout her life, Jhuma had settled for less, sacrificing her own happiness for the dignity of her family. Now, she faced an even greater challenge. She questioned her fate, her faith in God, and the choices she had made. She wondered what mistakes had led to such a painful life. Would she ever find peace?

Was it fair for her to endure such suffering? What joy had she ever known? How would she raise her two children and meet their needs? With so many unanswered questions, Jhuma felt lost, but she knew she couldn’t give up. Her children looked up to her, and she had to find a way to carry on.

Questions to Reflect On:

What does Jhuma's experience teach us about the consequences of dishonesty in relationships?

How can society better support women like Jhuma who face immense pressure and hardship?

In what ways can we ensure that family dignity does not come at the cost of individual well-being?

What steps can be taken to help those who are suffering find the strength to overcome their challenges?

How can we create a community that uplifts individuals facing struggles rather than judging them?

Feel free to share your thoughts !

No fear for death my friend!!

 I am not afraid,  

Longing for a quiet peace,  

Death, my friend at last.  

Happiness was sought,  

But like leaves, it blew away,  

With each rising dawn.  

Failed in my pursuit,  

Hope fades with the night approaching,  

Silence wraps my heart.  

Love and respect missed,  

What good is a long journey  

If it's laced with pain?  

I want warmth, not walls,  

Friendship, laughter, gentle touch,  

Not wealth’s empty gift.  

Good things line my path,  

Yet an emptiness remains,  

Still, I breathe and wait.  

Life's not length that counts,  

But moments filled with true joy,  

I embrace the end.  

Against the tide :- Sailaja's Journey!!

 Sailaja stood at the threshold of her village, a proud postgraduate—a rare achievement in her small community. Her heart swelled with hope as she accepted a job at a nearby school, but this joy was quickly overshadowed when she fell in love with Kedar, a kind-hearted man with strong values. Dreaming of a future with him brought a light to her life, but her family extinguished it with their traditional views. They disapproved of Kedar because he wasn't financially stable, and in their eyes, that meant he was unworthy. They arranged her marriage to Mahesh, a man from a large joint family who seemed reliable but was still a stranger to her.

With a mixture of anxiety and hope, Sailaja married Mahesh. He worked in a distant city and promised to make their life together beautiful. As her heart fluttered with dreams of happiness, she soon found herself pregnant, feeling the tender life growing inside her. But the joy was short-lived. When Mahesh went out one day for shopping and didn’t come back, confusion and dread gripped her. The bustling city felt like a barren desert where the echo of her unanswered questions lingered.

Days turned into weeks, and she was brought back to her in-laws' home, where her heart sank deeper into despair. Instead of searching for Mahesh, her in-laws filled their days with prayers, seemingly resigned to his disappearance. Sailaja felt a storm of emotions. Anger boiled inside her as she watched them mourn a son they had lost but didn’t actively seek. Why was no one looking for him? She felt helpless, trapped in her own body, burdened by the weight of her pregnancy and the grief that enveloped her.

When her daughter was born, the joy of bringing new life into the world was tainted by the absence of her father. She held her baby tightly, yet the emptiness echoed around them. As the months passed, whispers from relatives became daggers, piercing her already fragile heart. “What did she do to lose him?” they asked, their judgment heavy in the air. Each taunt felt like a rejection of the love she once held dear, turning her into a stranger in her own family.

Life with her in-laws grew unbearable. Sailaja’s spirit felt crushed under the weight of their silent accusations. Finally, with nothing left but her determination, she took her baby and left their home. She moved to a neighboring city, filled with fear but also a flicker of hope. She found a job, but the salary was too low to provide a stable future. The dreams she once harbored for a happy family seemed to wither away.

As she fought to support herself and her daughter, she began to understand deeper truths about Mahesh. He had desired a life without attachments, yearning for Sanyasa, the renouncement of worldly ties. But why marry me? She asked herself repeatedly, confusion drowning her heart. Each thought stirred a mix of sorrow and betrayal—betrayal not only from Mahesh but also from the family that had abandoned her when she needed them most.

Despite the pain, she pushed on, facing each day with the determination of a warrior. Her daughter grew up, and as she embraced her ambitions to become an engineer, Sailaja's heart swelled with pride. Yet, a cloud of worry loomed over her. What future awaited her little girl? She questioned her own choices and the life she had been forced to live.

In quieter moments, Sailaja couldn't shake off the deep-seated fear and disappointment that lingered in her heart. “Why did I have to endure so much?” she wondered, feeling the sting of her past. In a society that often disregarded women’s happiness, she was left to navigate a world that felt unjust.

She had survived against all odds, but the scars remained. Sailaja was resilient, yet her heart longed for answers, for peace in the chaos of her life. She had fought battles, not just against the world but also within herself, questioning the very fabric of her existence.

Could a woman ever truly find happiness, or was she destined to carry the weight of others’ choices? As she watched her daughter step into her future, Sailaja hoped for one thing: that her little girl would never have to question her worth in a world that often silenced women’s voices.