The journey of Shivaratri: remembrance and beyond!!

 Seventeen years later, your memory resurfaces, vivid as ever. I recall that time with startling clarity: my chickenpox, my youngest brother's looming board exams, and my father's hurried journey to collect me. We went to Vijayawada, his then-posting, where the doctor's medications painted my face with a thick, ominous coating. As a young girl, I feared the scars they might leave. The drugs made me drowsy, and I languished in my father's quarters, the humid heat a stark contrast to Bangalore's climate.

Then came Maha Shivaratri. My mother's call brought devastating news: your suicide attempt. You were in the hospital, conscious, but when you spoke, you addressed your mother as your sister's mother, not your own.

Now, I understand the depth of your anguish. The day after Shivaratri, my mother called again, this time with finality. You were gone. Shiva, it seemed, had chosen to end your suffering. I hope he granted you peace, a better existence. If reincarnation is real, I hope your current life is filled with joy. You would be around fifteen or sixteen now, perhaps facing your own board exams. Do well this time. Build a meaningful life, and don't give up.

Your tragedy, I believe, strengthened my mother. She nurtured me through my own emotional turmoil years later, teaching me to forgive, both others and myself. Forgiving others came easier than forgiving myself. Though I pretended otherwise, the guilt lingered for years. I never realized how deeply intertwined these events were.

Did your experience fundamentally change how my family reacted to my own struggles? Perhaps. Are we still connected in some unseen way? Could you be near me, unknown?

We often dwell on "what ifs," mourning futures we envisioned but never realized. Losing you is a regret that still haunts me.

This Shivaratri, my brother is moving, and I pray that Shiva will guide him in all his plans. Seventeen years, and the memories still echo.

I used to observe the Shivaratri fast since my third year of college, stopping in 2008 due to illness. I'm unsure if I continued the following year, but eventually, I stopped altogether. I felt Shiva had not granted my wishes. It took time to understand that perhaps he had, in a way that was right, if not for me, then for someone else.

This year, I've decided to fast again tomorrow. But this time, I won't ask for personal wishes. Instead, I'll ask Shiva to reveal his plans for me, to guide me. I want to see if this surrender, this acceptance, is the true wisdom I should be seeking. 

Ohm! Namah Shivay!!

Colouring with broken crayons!!

 Today is Vijaya Ekadashi, and it fell on a Monday, which meant less cooking for me. However, I felt rather down all day. My mind raced relentlessly until evening. Some days are just like that—they come and go without offering any relief.

I felt a little better after evening, though. I had this sense that life has shattered me into pieces, but then I remembered the saying, "Broken crayons still color." Even though I felt restless, I continued with my duties. It's exhausting to maintain hope in a seemingly hopeless situation, to keep my spirits up, knowing that my hard work might not be as rewarding as it should be.

Ideally, I should be thinking about early retirement at this age. Instead, my plans have gone in the opposite direction. It's disheartening to experience delays in everything I aspire to, but do I really have a choice? My introspection leads me into a whirlwind of past decisions, choices that seemed right at the time but ultimately didn't serve me well. Nevertheless, I survived.

I don't understand what life is trying to teach me, or why. I just believe I'm still the same person I was before I entered the real world after graduation. Somewhere deep down, I'm still that girl who simply did her part without thinking about the consequences.

The bare minimum!!

 The phrase "I don't need much doesn't mean I deserve the bare minimum" resonated deeply with me. It made me realize how this applies to so many areas of life, not just material possessions.

For instance, I'm not a foodie. This doesn't mean I should eat bland, unappetizing food every day. Yesterday's dinner outing brought this home. We rarely eat out, and I'm perfectly fine with that. However, I occasionally crave non-vegetarian food. My husband is a strict vegetarian, and before we went to the restaurant, I specifically asked him if they served non-veg. He said yes, but it turned out to be a lie – it was a purely vegetarian establishment. I was incredibly disappointed. I've compromised my own food preferences for him, yet he can't even occasionally accommodate my desire for non-veg, even once a month.

If I had met my husband before marriage, I might have given up non-veg entirely or never would have married him. But that didn't happen. I entered this marriage largely for my family's happiness, hoping to find a loving and understanding partner. Instead, I'm faced with someone unwilling to respect even small, infrequent requests.

My mind keeps circling back to why I got married in the first place. I married with the hope of finding a partner who would exceed my expectations. I've been committed to my duties as a wife, but why do I have to constantly remind someone of their responsibilities towards me? Shouldn't these things be freely given?

Yes, I'm not a foodie. I prioritize healthy eating and cooking. But it feels like no one understands my needs. My mother advises me not to expect anything from people, only from God. But where is God in all of this? Why have I received only the bare minimum, with nothing extra to feel even a little contentment?

Arranged marriages: a gamble of your life!!

 I recently heard a disturbing story about a woman in Punjab who faced immense pressure after giving birth to her third daughter. She was told not to return home from the hospital if the baby was a girl. It's appalling that women are still subjected to such cruel treatment for something they have no control over – the sex of their child. No educated woman should have to endure this.

This situation highlights the immense societal and familial pressures that can lead women into marriage, often without truly knowing their partner. A woman might not discover her partner's true character, particularly regarding support and acceptance, until after conceiving. This underscores the importance of knowing one's partner before marriage, yet many families in India still prioritize arranged marriages, viewing marriage as a union between families rather than individuals. While some are fortunate to find compatible partners, others suffer regardless. What are your thoughts on this?

The buzz around the Hindi film "Mrs.," a remake of the Malayalam film "The Great Indian Kitchen," is hard to ignore. Yet, I've chosen not to watch it, not wanting to dwell on a reality we all know too well. Indian women, sadly, have often internalized these domestic expectations as simply part of their duty and life. While progress is being made, and some women are fortunate to have supportive partners, is this the norm? Certainly not. Societal change is happening, but at a glacial pace. Too often, women lack support from their husbands, fathers, and brothers when they need it most. The "kitchen politics" from in-laws and the constant scrutiny from even their own families can make women feel less like human beings and more like commodities. And yet, we still boast about the greatness of our culture.

Today, I acknowledge, without reservation, that this aspect of our culture is far from ideal. Marriage often feels like a lottery, and the realization of its true nature can be deeply disillusioning. This, perhaps, explains the rising divorce rates, the increase in extramarital affairs, and the growing number of women choosing to forgo marriage altogether.

The unspoken "what ifs"

 A short story about a young househelp, forced into early marriage, resonated deeply with me. She yearned for the chance to have chosen a different path, one where she could have pursued education and explored the world beyond her family's confines.

This feeling of "what if" struck a chord. Even though I married in my late twenties and had a child in my mid-thirties, and my marriage wasn't forced, I still wonder if I could have made different choices. That nagging sense of unrealized potential sometimes makes me question my self-worth. I find myself asking, "Why do I feel this way?"

Perhaps this is why I understand the projected decline in marriage rates by 2050. Are we destined to bear responsibilities without truly enjoying our present? How can we shape our lives to achieve contentment, happiness, and fulfillment? These questions constantly occupy my thoughts. I'm currently working on something that I hope will address these feelings, but I'm not ready to share it until I'm certain it will come to fruition.

I was also inspired by a story about a classmate's 72-year-old mother. After retiring from her career as a lecturer, she began investing in and selling flats in the Delhi NCR area. Her resilience is truly admirable. I remember from our school days that her family had faced some difficulties. I never had the courage to ask her about her father, but I knew he was either absent or had left them. Her mother, with the support of her parents, raised her and her older sister single-handedly. To overcome such a traumatic experience and build the confidence she now displays in her seventies is remarkable. I have so much respect for her strength.

These resilient women serve as powerful examples of how to live a fulfilling life, even amidst life's challenges. I hope more people will share similar stories of courage and resilience.

Dreams and acceptance!!

 Seeing a Nissan Sunny with my favorite number on it while picking up my son today brought a spontaneous smile to my face, touching something deep within me.

It made me think about how some of my dreams seem to have been taken away, like pieces of my bright future were stolen. I adapted, following the path laid out before me, and stopped revisiting those beautiful dreams. But now, I've learned to accept them, even if they never become reality.

So many little things I could have done never happened, and probably never will, in this lifetime. Yet, I still wish they could.

A mother's plea!!

 My child, when you are grown and wise and free,

Remember, Mom's just human, plain to see.

Not God above, but earthly, flawed and real,

I learned from mistakes, the stumbles that I feel.

When you arrived, my life was upside down,

I didn't know how to hold you, little one,

Or feed you right, or soothe your tiny frown.

I learned with you, each moment, slow and new,

Felt unprepared, though I had waited long for you.

I wondered how my own mom made it seem so light,

While I fumbled through the day and through the night.

I did my best, the love I had to give,

Though maybe other moms more brightly live.

I loved you deeply, with all my heart and soul,

And gave you what I thought would make you whole.

But when you're older, and you understand,

Don't put me on a pedestal, so grand.

Remember, flaws are part of who I am,

Forgive the times I didn't meet your plan.

Perhaps you'll wonder why I brought you here,

But darling child, forgive, and have no fear.

Do women need men? A modern perspective!!

 I recently watched a video where men and women were asked if they felt they needed a partner. All the women interviewed said they didn't, while all the men said they did. This prompted me to consider why women today seem less inclined to seek romantic relationships with men.

One possible explanation is financial independence. Women now often earn comparable salaries to men, yet they frequently still bear a disproportionate share of household responsibilities. Even with increased male participation in chores, or the option of hiring help, many women don't perceive a need for a male partner. This begs the question: why, as social creatures designed for connection and family, are younger generations seemingly less interested in traditional relationships?

It's no longer simply about security, love, or family. Many women appear to be opting out of the complexities of managing a relationship, including navigating the dynamics of a partner's extended family. Anecdotally, single women seem to report higher levels of happiness than married women, while the opposite appears to be true for men.

My own views have shifted over time, as I've considered both Indian and Western cultural values. Western cultures, for instance, don't have the dowry system and prioritize love and individual happiness in marriage, often choosing cohabitation over remaining in unhappy formal marriages. While each approach has its advantages and disadvantages, I believe a synthesis of the two could be ideal. However, it's now up to the next generation to chart their own course. What guidance should we offer them?

Indian values might sometimes compromise individual needs, while the abundance of choices in Western culture can lead to indecision. Ultimately, successful relationships aren't solely the result of hard work; luck and destiny play a role in finding the right person. Then, the real work begins – nurturing the relationship to endure, or accepting its dissolution. Regardless, it's essential to be prepared to live independently at any time.

Love in Modern times!!

 Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone finds love and experiences the kind of love they desire.

Today, while appreciating the positive aspects of our culture, I also want to address some areas that need improvement. Based on my own experiences, I believe these points contribute to the problems we see in relationships and families today:

 * Traditional gender roles have shifted. While women now contribute equally financially, they often still carry a disproportionate burden of household chores and childcare. Even with hired help, the mental load of managing the household often falls on them. This imbalance can create strain.

 * Despite progress, women are sometimes still treated as inferior to their partners, facing subtle (or not-so-subtle) discrimination, sometimes even from in-laws.

 * While intercaste marriages are becoming more accepted, it often seems to happen more easily when the woman comes from a wealthy or influential family, suggesting that power dynamics still play a role.

Even in arranged marriages, family wealth and influence are often prioritised over other factors when selecting a bride.

 * The pursuit of wealth and power has, for some, overshadowed the importance of family values and genuine connection. These material factors can become the primary focus in relationships.

 * Issues like sexless or unsatisfying marriages are often suffered in silence. The societal emphasis on arranged marriages, where families are heavily involved, can make it difficult to prioritize individual needs and happiness.

 * Divorce is often stigmatized, even when it might be a healthier option than remaining in an unhappy marriage.

True love involves prioritizing another person's happiness, not just clinging to them for selfish reasons. In a world that often feels isolating, it can be difficult to find someone who truly understands and meets our emotional needs.

Key to your chains!!

 I came across this quote: 

"They say one who cannot help self cannot help others. But, I have a key to your chains and my lock is not the same as yours." 

 It really struck a chord. It's true, I struggle with my own problems and haven't found solutions for them yet. However, I can often see what others need to do to address their own issues.

I try to be there for my family and friends, listening to their pain. Sometimes I offer suggestions, other times I simply offer compassion. Even if I can't fix their situations, I try to provide whatever support I can. Just knowing someone is there and understands can be a huge help. I know firsthand how painful it is to feel completely alone, even surrounded by loved ones. I've experienced that isolation and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Magha purnima: Introspection!!

 Tomorrow is Magha Purnima, a significant day for followers of Mahima Dharma, a faith my grandfather was connected to.  It's also a personally meaningful date, as I began my first job on this very tithi.  It felt like a blessing, a direct link to my ancestors.  Unfortunately, I had to leave my work five years ago, and I've been searching for the right opportunity to return to work ever since.  While I'm eager to start again, nothing suitable has materialized.

I sometimes struggle with feelings of frustration, questioning why I've lost so many people and things I cherish.  It's hard not to wonder if this is some kind of karmic retribution, and I've spent a lot of time introspecting, trying to understand if there's a deeper purpose to this period of waiting.  Frankly, though, I just miss what I've lost.  The pain of unmet expectations and the difficulty of letting go are a heavy burden.  Why does life have to be so challenging?  This extended period of waiting for a breakthrough is agonizing, but I know I must persevere, regardless of how I feel.

Why this long period without the things I long for? What is the direction of my life now?

Forgiving self, finding peace!!

 I was inspired by an article about Kumar Mangalam Birla retaining an employee despite a costly mistake. It reminded me of a former colleague who made a similar error early in her career, incurring a significant fine for our organization.

Despite this, she wasn't fired. In fact, she thrived and was even given an opportunity to work abroad. Ironically, during this time, she faced another challenge, losing her belongings in a foreign country. While this must have been incredibly stressful, it highlights the unpredictable nature of life.

What struck me most is the resilience of this individual. She not only overcame a major professional setback but also navigated a difficult personal situation. It underscores the importance of focusing on the positive, as our spiritual practices suggest.

While her superiors demonstrated incredible support, I wonder about her personal journey. Did she easily overcome the guilt and self-doubt that often accompany such experiences? Forgiving oneself and letting go of the past is a significant challenge.

How does one achieve this inner peace, and how long does it take? This is the real question. Perhaps her story, and others like it, can inspire us to find our own paths to self-forgiveness and growth. 

It's admirable when those in authority overlook our errors, choosing instead to focus on our strengths. However, the person who made the mistake, even unknowingly, often struggles with guilt over the oversight. This dynamic plays out in relationships as well.

We extend repeated chances, hoping for growth in others. But when that growth doesn't materialize, or the person fails to even acknowledge the opportunity they've been given, it's disheartening. Worse, they may begin to take our support for granted, forgetting that their presence is valued. This can cause significant pain for the person who initially forgave their mistakes. Regret sets in – regret for forgiving them, regret for ignoring the warning signs. The most difficult part, perhaps, is forgiving oneself for overlooking those signs and continuing to support someone who clearly took that support for granted.

Ultimately, the hardest challenge remains self-forgiveness and finding a way forward.

The Universal quest: Health, happiness, love!!

 A line from a recent book, "We are all spiritual beings having human experiences," has stayed with me. It's a profound thought, yet it raises a question: If God is within us, why do we search for God? Why is higher learning focused on knowing God, and ultimately performing actions (karma) that lead to resting in God?

This quest reminded me of an Indian-origin non-believer's journey to find God. She inadvertently discovered that most people around her, regardless of their beliefs, shared four common desires:

 health, 

happiness,

 love 

and riches. 

These are universal aspirations. Yet, we constantly fight amongst ourselves, rejecting the ideas and beliefs of others, even though we all ultimately seek the same things, albeit with slight variations. Where is this leading us?

Ekadashi: Time for myself!!

 It's Jaya Ekadashi and a Saturday, so I enjoyed a leisurely start to the day. Since my husband is fasting, I didn't have much cooking to do. While it's traditional for both partners to observe the Ekadashi fast, I find I don't have the same energy for it as I used to. I typically cook kichadi for myself and my son on this day—it's an easy one-pot meal. However, today I made a simple brinjal and potato fry with rice. I have leftover dalma for my son, and I'm looking forward to making puliogere for myself, which I haven't made in ages.

Dinner will be sabudana kichadi for both of us, and I'll make roti for my son. I always feel relaxed on Ekadashi and try to focus on other things. I pray that I can enjoy what God has planned for me and be able to focus on higher learning.

With each passing day, as I learn more about life, I realize how easily we get caught up in accumulating possessions that ultimately won't stay with us. This often leads us to lose sight of the things that truly will. Therefore, I quietly pray that I may focus on accumulating those lasting treasures, in addition to the legacy I leave behind.

Life's inevitable journey!!

 Life doesn't offer a fast forward. You must experience each chapter, encounter every person you're meant to meet. Some encounters will be unpleasant, some will build you up, others will heal you, and some will cause pain. None can be avoided. You might find yourself caught in "what ifs" about the past, but remember, at the time, you made the best decisions you could. Those tempting "ifs" weren't part of the equation then.

We all process experiences differently and face unique challenges. Our individual journeys are irreplaceable. Therefore, concentrate on the present and personal growth.

True peace may be elusive in the world, but you must choose it daily. This builds strength, even though your mind may constantly question how to prepare for it. Ultimately, life will force you to be strong, regardless. It may seem paradoxical that life teaches strength only to eventually detach you from everything you hold dear. But this is the reality – a gradual, inevitable detachment.

A clever solution - by Madhusudan Das!!

 Tomorrow is Madhusudan Das 's death anniversary which happens to be my father's birth anniversary. So, narrating an incident that shows how he used his inherent qualities in favour of people of Odisha. 

A destitute old woman once sought justice from Madhusudan Das. Her plight was dire: a village landlord had seized her only possession, a small plot of land bordering the village road. Madhu Babu, known for his compassion, reassured her, promising to visit her village soon.

The following day, Madhusudan Das arrived in his horse-drawn cart. Near the old woman's disputed land, he instructed his driver to dig a pit. As his cart approached the pit, the wheel became deliberately ensnared. Madhu Babu then summoned the villagers. Feigning distress, he inquired whose land had caused him this trouble.

To everyone's astonishment, the landlord, eager to distance himself from any accusation, pointed at the old woman and declared, "It's hers!" Seizing this moment of unwitting admission, Madhusudan Das promptly drew up legal documents transferring ownership of the land to the old woman. He then presented the papers to her, securing her rightful claim.

This incident exemplifies Madhusudan Das's cleverness and wit, qualities he employed to uplift the marginalized and ensure justice prevailed, even against powerful adversaries.

My favourite poem from Madhusudan Das is as below with its english translation,

Tu para bolau

Utkal Santan ?

Tebe kimpa tuhi bhiru !

Tohar Janani

Rodan karile

Kahibaku kimpa daru ?

To' purbapurushe

Bira paniare

Labhithile kete khyati

Hakima nikate

Dukha kahibaku

Kimpa thare tora chhati ?

To purbapurushe

Jaya karithile

Ganga tharu Godavari,

Tankari aurase

Janma hoi tuhi

Keun gune tanku sari ?

Tu mane bhabuchhu

toshamada kari

Badhaibu Jatiman

Toshamadiara

Kukura prakruti

Aintha patare dhyan.

Jatira unnati

hebakire bhai

Swarthaku Jagat mani ?

Godar godare

maunsa lagile

Deharaki subha gani ?

Jatira unnati

se kahin kariba

Swarthe jar byasta mana

Shaguna bilua

Chikitschak hele

Saba ki paiba prana!!

It's English translation 

This is a poem by the Odia poet Madhusudan Das. It is a patriotic poem that calls on the people of Odisha to be proud of their heritage and to work for the betterment of their state.

Here is a translation of the poem into English:

"You call yourself a son of Utkal?

Why are you so afraid?

When your mother weeps,

Why are you afraid to speak?

Your ancestors

In the midst of war

Achieved great fame,

Why does your chest tremble

To speak of your sorrows

To the rulers?

Your ancestors

Conquered lands

From the Ganga to the Godavari,

Having been born of their lineage,

What qualities do you possess

That make you forget them?

You think

That by flattery

You will increase your status,

But the nature of a flatterer

Is like that of a dog

Whose attention is fixed on stale food.

How will the nation progress, my brother,

If you consider only your own interests?

If you apply ointment to a wound

But do not care for the root cause,

Will the body be truly healed?

How can one

Who is preoccupied with his own selfish interests

Work for the progress of the nation?

Even if a jackal or a cat

Pretends to be a physician,

Will it be able to save anyone's life?"

The poem is a powerful call to action. It urges the people of Odisha to be proud of their heritage and to work for the betterment of their state. It also warns against the dangers of selfishness and flattery.

The poem is still relevant today. It reminds us that we should be proud of our heritage and that we should work for the betterment of our community. It also warns us against the dangers of selfishness and flattery.

Why worry??

 I was talking to a friend today, and it struck me how much things have changed. I remembered a time when I was anxious about the future, and this same friend had simply told me, "Why worry?" Now, they're saying it will be hard to say goodbye if we meet again because of all the memories we share. It's true – I haven't forgotten those memories over the years; they've become a part of me, almost a lesson in detachment, like a higher education in life itself. I couldn't say anything but agree.

It's a strange blessing, this lingering care that I can't quite feel yet. I'm grateful for it, though. I wanted to express my thanks, but I didn't want to make things awkward, so I kept quiet.

I also learned to perform a personal SWOT analysis. Using a spreadsheet, I would document my capabilities and limitations. Looking back, I smile at my own methods for navigating life's challenges.

A token of gratitude!!

 So much of what we receive in life comes from others. We can't possibly repay it all: a smile from a stranger, a kind compliment, a listening ear from a friend, support when we're down, the unconditional love of our parents, the care of a partner, a child's loving hug. These gifts are freely given. Gratitude isn't hard, but we all have days when we forget to appreciate them.