Ever feel like your thoughts are a radio that won't turn off? The kind that plays the same overthinking loops on repeat, especially when you have too much free time. It’s easy to feel this way, to question if you’re doing the right thing, or to wish for a higher power to simply give you a task, a purpose, something to keep you so busy you can’t get lost in your head.
Sometimes, the simplest things can trigger an emotional response—a feeling of irritation at something so small it's embarrassing. You might ask yourself, "Why am I not as emotionally resilient as I used to be?" It’s a draining feeling, like you’re just a pawn in someone else’s game, being used up and discarded. There’s a quiet anger that comes from giving and giving until you feel like you've sacrificed your own happiness just to fit in with the crowd. You look around and see people with their own struggles, but yours feels uniquely heavy.
The weight often comes from placing too much value on others. You invest your time and energy into people, only to be met with pain. It's a scary and anxious feeling when your best efforts don't seem to make a difference. We all make choices hoping for a good outcome, but the results are never guaranteed. That’s where luck comes in. It’s the luck of getting your dream job, of finding people who truly value you, of having help arrive when you need it most. These are gifts that we can't force or demand; they just have to flow.
But then, you see stories of extreme misfortune, like the recent news of a woman set on fire in front of her six-year-old son. You see a beautiful person and can't find a flaw, yet her life was destroyed by a toxic situation. People who do such things will always find absurd ways to justify their actions. It makes you feel helpless. We can't change them, but we can choose how we respond. We can either be a victim or walk away. It often feels like women are unfairly burdened with the expectation to be selfless and sacrificing.
All the news, all the stories of crime, can make you overthink it all, be it the crimes against women or crimes caused by women themselves. What is right and what is wrong? Who defines it? Why do some get rewarded while others are punished for the same actions?
It’s a strange contradiction—a longing to be alone, yet a craving for genuine connection. You want solitude, but you also want the laughter and conversation that lift you up, not the kind that fuels your anger or mood swings. It’s a feeling that has no simple name. It’s the quiet cry for balance, for a way to fill your time and your life with purpose, and for connections that truly matter.
