श्मशान की देवी तू, माँ चंडी अब आस,
एक तुझसे ही बची है, जीवन की अंतिम साँस।
पुकार ले अपनी गोदी में, सुला दे आँचल तले,
थक चुकी हूँ मैं अब माँ, उम्मीद के सब रंग ढले।
तू सुला दे मुझे माँ, एक आखरी बार प्यार से,
न लड़ने की ताकत बची, न कुछ सुनने को अब।
जाने दे मुझको अब माँ, न कर और परेशान,
बस एक बार तू बुला ले, मिटा दे हर निशान।
बहुत हुआ अब जीवन, और कुछ भी नहीं भाता,
बस यही विनती है माँ, तू सुला दे मुझको माता।
Amidst heightened security following the recent terrorist attack, my thoughts drifted inwards this morning, contemplating the multifaceted ways we learn and flourish in this shared world.
It seems this world favors those who learn swiftly and possess an unwavering belief in their ability to navigate even the most challenging times. The knack for leveraging opportunities or inspiring others to work towards their goals appears to be a key to thriving, though it's a skill not everyone possesses.
Intelligence alone proves insufficient without opportune timing and placement. To truly thrive, one must find themselves in the right place, surrounded by the right people, at the right moment – a confluence of factors that feels like a rare blessing.
After some deep self-reflection on my own circumstances, a sense of calm settled within me. I recognized my slowness in accepting situations and the intensity of my desire for things to align in my favor. The finality of certain endings and the need to adapt felt particularly difficult, leaving me with a sense of helplessness and dependency. Perhaps enduring a little longer, allowing both the good and the bad to run their course, might have been beneficial. Could this be why similar challenges have resurfaced through different people? Or is this suffering merely a construct of my own mind? Perhaps I would have experienced even greater emotional turmoil. It's impossible to know for sure.
Yet, a question lingers: if those feelings served no positive purpose, why were they bestowed upon me? What if I had possessed detachment from the outset? Wouldn't that have brought a profound sense of peace to my present? What are your thoughts?
Looking back, here's what I'd tell my younger self at 20:
* Never dim your light to illuminate someone else's path, not even for family.
* Your journey unfolds at its own pace. Don't rush it.
* Take chances. The outcome will be either a valuable experience or a lasting story.
* Be discerning with praise and criticism alike.
* People often hold you responsible for their unspoken desires. Be aware of this.
* Pay close attention to behavior, as words can be deceiving.
* When someone exits your life, they take a piece of you with them. Their vision for the future might not have included you, and that's a hard truth.
* While support may be scarce, judgment often isn't. Be prepared.
* Ensure your acts of kindness don't come at your own expense.
* The grace you extend might not always be reciprocated.
* When someone speaks rudely, it's often wise to create distance rather than trying to dissect their behavior. Protecting your peace is paramount.
* Truly understanding the complexities of human nature can be a significant challenge.
* You might encounter situations where others create difficulties and then hold you responsible for navigating them.
* The people who enter and leave our lives are often a matter of chance, a roll of the cosmic dice.
* Support can sometimes come from unexpected places, like friends, rather than family.
* There are times when inaction is more beneficial than excessive effort directed towards the wrong individuals. Hindsight often reveals the true nature of our interactions.
* Navigating difficult interpersonal situations can be messy and confusing. Your reactions, whether silence or anger, primarily impact you.
* Remember that actions taken cannot be reversed.
Life taught me to let go.
It showed me what real love means.
Now I need to use what I learned.
I have to let go of someone I love so much.
Tears in my eyes, my heart feels heavy.
I want to stop wanting you.
I tried so hard to be with you.
But today, for you to be happy,
I have to let you go.
It will make me free too.
I won't have to worry anymore,
And you won't have me in your life.
I made many mistakes.
I took chances and failed badly.
I didn't see the bad signs.
I didn't know what people really wanted.
I thought if I was good, good things would happen.
But people didn't appreciate me.
I can't go through that again.
I don't know how to be better at seeing things.
I can't teach you something
I don't fully understand.
So, how can I help you?
I have to let you go.
Trust me, you will be happy, just not with me.
Even if it hurts, we need to say goodbye.
Don't ever look for me again.
Be happy. You and I were not right for each other.
I prayed so much to have you. When I did, I thought God listened.
I was wrong. Maybe I bothered him so much he just said yes to get rid of me.
You are good, happy, and full of love. Go find someone better than me.
I love you and hope you have a better life than most.
माना की तुम बेवफा नहीं थे
मजबूरी थी जो आपने आप को कायर बोलकर चले गए
पर क्या सोचा तुमने कभी तुम्हारी एक निर्णय
उसको उम्र भर कायर ही बने रहने देगी
उम्मीद बहत थी उसको तुमसे
नादान ने ज़िन्दगी भर तुम्हारे साथ
ज़िन्दगी जीना शिखना चाहती थी
उसको कोई संभल ने वाला न मिला
न सीखने वाला
तुम तोह ज़िन्दगी में खुश हो लिए
पर उसकी ज़िन्दगी उजड़ गयी,
कभी आकर शिकायत भी न करे
उस पगली को सब ने दर्द दिया
किस किस से उम्मीद हारे उसने
अब मुस्कुराना वह भूल गयी
Experiences bright, a cherished art,
A happy heart plays a vital part.
To feel the love that gently binds,
A deep content for heart and minds.
The thrill of triumph, sweet and clear,
To hold the reins, dispelling fear.
Yet life's own weave, a tangled thread,
Can bring the wrong things to your bed.
No single soul to bear the blame,
Nor let self-reproach ignite the flame.
Father of the cosmos, if that's truly who You are, how can You stand by and allow the vulnerable to languish? Is Your grand design one where the weak are forged in the crucible of endless struggle against each other? Do You honestly believe that suffering imposed upon suffering breeds true strength, or merely deeper wounds?
Look at me, here, in the dead of night, ripped from sleep despite my body screaming for rest. What cruel whisper does my own subconscious carry from You that it jolts me awake like this? Why does nearly every facet of this existence You've granted feel like a trial, a burden I never asked for?
My mind is a relentless tormentor, a whirlwind of thoughts that lead nowhere, solve nothing. Don't dare speak to me of patience! Fifteen years I've endured this relentless internal battle. My speaking out now is not a testament to a lack of patience, but to its breaking point!
I can no longer reconcile Your supposed omniscience with this agonizing delay, this feeling of utter abandonment. If You know all, then surely You know me. So, is this neglect deliberate? Was my yearning for something different so inherently flawed that it warranted this silence, this void where a better plan should be? You speak of a divine order, a way things are meant to be? Then show me! Unravel the tapestry of what has become my reality based on my past desires. Let it all go, and let me finally glimpse this 'better plan' You supposedly hold. Let me face pain, yes, but let it be a pain with purpose, a lesson learned this time.
Will You finally answer? Will You finally act?
A cloud of unanswered questions hangs heavy in my mind, and the thought of speaking feels unbearable today. Too often, sharing my vulnerabilities has led to the sting of blame, as if I conjured the very chaos that surrounds me. My soul longs for the warmth of connection, the ease of laughter, not this constant ache of isolation within a crowd.
From my earliest memories, I learned to silence my own needs, the fear of stern eyes a powerful deterrent to any request beyond the barest necessities. Even the simple joy of learning to ride a bicycle was a silent sacrifice to my parents' anxieties about Bihar, a concern I intuitively grasped. It wasn't until my ninth grade that I finally taught myself. Was that a failing on my part?
So many good things have arrived late, their sweetness dulled by the passage of time and the constant feeling of being an afterthought. I remember an office outing, a rare moment of escape. The lure of the disco was simple – to watch others move with joy. Yet, my desire yielded to the preference of a dear friend, a silent concession that became a familiar pattern. Even a fleeting glance was too much to ask.
This has been the story of my life: the quiet surrender of my own longings, met with a cold indifference when I finally reach out. Now, in my forties, my list of unfulfilled dreams remains long, not for lack of trying, but for the persistent absence of genuine support. To be told I lack seriousness feels like a cruel dismissal of the solitary battles I've fought. Not everything can be conquered alone.
The chasm between those who are lifted by support and those who are consistently left to flounder creates vastly different destinies. If this is fate, then mine has been a relentless uphill climb.
I am asked to bloom in a desert of loneliness, surrounded by faces that offer little solace. Help often arrives only when the dam has already burst, not in the gentle, steady drops that could have prevented the flood. And yet, blame feels like a futile exercise against the tide of unfairness.
Years of weathering this imbalance have left their mark. Sometimes, bitterness seeps into my words; other times, a fragile sweetness remains. There are moments of sharp edges and unexpected tenderness. I am not a machine that consistently produces the desirable when life's pressures mount. I offer a spectrum of responses, each a testament to the ongoing struggle.
My desires are not grand; they are the simple things that others take for granted, arriving for me only after arduous battles. When even the easily attainable demands such a fight, how can I possibly reach for more?
The urge to express myself feels muted by the question: who truly listens? And even if they do, what tangible difference does it make? The weight of past disappointments has blurred the lines of what even brings me comfort anymore.
Why this constant feeling of being swept along, my own agency curtailed by circumstances I never invited? Before you dismiss my struggles with a laugh, consider the long and painful journey I have endured. You may have been blessed with a smoother path; please, do not mock the landscape of my current misery. I am not the sole architect of this profound unhappiness.
There's a unique joy in seeing your efforts materialize into something close to your dreams. It's a deeply rewarding and uplifting experience. But this isn't everyone's reality. Many toil and achieve, yet the outcome feels distant from their hopes, leaving behind a residue of unmet longings.
Navigating life when your aspirations and achievements align is a smoother path. The real challenge lies in confronting the persistent disconnect between your goals and your results. How do you find equilibrium and resilience when your hard work consistently yields outcomes that don't resonate? The typical response involves acceptance, recalibration, and compromise – an ongoing process of adjustment.
But what happens when this pattern becomes a relentless cycle? A feeling of being perpetually misplaced can take root. Despite outward success, inner discontent festers. You might begin to question the value of your efforts, even wishing you'd avoided them entirely. How does one walk this difficult path?
"This morning, a news story struck me deeply. A mother, driven to the unthinkable act of killing her three children to pursue a relationship with a former classmate, left me profoundly unsettled. It's precisely this kind of report that makes me retreat from the news, seeking solace only in the editorial section's familiar columns.
This incident dredged up a memory from my time in Jamalpur: another mother, also with three children, who murdered her husband. The method was chilling – poison followed by a railway rail laid across his throat, all orchestrated with her lover. I used to judge such acts with a harsh certainty. Now, I find myself judging the circumstances, the desperate, unfulfilled desires that might push someone to such extremes. I recall reading about lionesses, how postpartum depression can drive them to kill and consume their own cubs.
The sheer intensity of such mental strain is almost incomprehensible. What could possibly drive someone to such a point? While I can't justify these actions, I recognize that we all navigate periods of profound vulnerability.
Who among us welcomes rejection, persistent failure, debilitating illness, or crushing financial instability? We all yearn for happiness, yet it's not a universal experience. When life offers even a sliver of contentment, maintaining composure and gratitude is easier. But when life throws every conceivable hardship at once, the mind can fracture, leading to desperate, irrational actions.
In Japan, they have a practice called "Johatsu," meaning evaporation. People disappear from their lives, often due to financial ruin, personal failure, or social shame. The Japanese system, police generally doesn't pursue missing adults unless a crime is suspected. This concept of starting anew, of seeking a fresh beginning, stands in stark contrast to the tragic finality of the news I read. Why couldn't our systems, our very minds, offer such an escape, such a path to renewal, for everyone? Why must people die with their desires unfulfilled? Why can't everyone attain the dreams they dare to envision and work towards?
Sometimes, I find myself wishing that the very concept of unattainable dreams could be erased from our consciousness. What is the purpose of longing for something that will forever remain out of reach, a mirage? The realization of its impossibility is a crushing blow.
The disparity in life's fortunes – the inexplicable ease for some, the relentless hardship for others – remains a mystery. We are left to navigate these phases, both the joyful and the painful, seemingly without true agency. How, then, does one thrive in such a world, sustain joy, and cultivate excitement?"
