Monday, January 20, 2014

Controlling temper

Hi Readers,

Good evening. I do not know why again I feel a urge to write on same topic. May be because I have been little restless from a couple of days. It happens to me sometimes, when I go back to an incident in past, that hurt me. I play all over again. I keep changing my reactions, making me answer more appropriately, sometimes in such a way that the person who caused pain would actually feel how bad he/she made me feel. I repeat this drama in mind. Its a mind game and after few hours, may be days, it slowly vanishes. However, it sits somewhere deep within me and whenever some things remind me of this , again that mind game starts.

Have you people experienced this? I guess yes, may be some of you would not do it religiously like me but yes more or less this occurs to most of us when we are deeply hurt or may be we feel guilty. Either out of anger or out of guilt we want to go back and change the entire thing. We want to make it look better to us.We want to feel better.

I remember once, I got stupid mails... stupid because it was really crazy, it was from a unknown individual, asking stupid things, sometimes just asking me how I am and sometimes making me feel like that person is happy with the problems that I face. It hurt me, sometimes, I would get urge to reply back condemning that unknown individual. I guessed that person knew me and did not wanted to reveal his/her identity.I also received crazy test messages in my mobile. Asked a friend what to do. And got a reply," Ignore or go to cops". I do not know why, this answer of my friend actually made me more angry. I felt as though that person has little concern or may be happy that I am in trouble. Do not know how but I resisted replying strongly . Tried and ignored these messages, miss calls, stupid mails. Blocked mailer ids and gradually this was over. But, yes I never went back to same friend and asked what I need to do.

When I think back, I just analyse why I was angry with a friend who responded in pale cold way.I laugh at this when I remember it today. Ha ha ha... But, this happens right. We sometimes need a patient ear hearing us. We know what to do and do not expect a ready solution, but just someone hearing us. Understanding our situation and making us feel that they are with us. May be we can get such treatment from other friends but may be we are expecting it from a wrong person. Since, then I have tried to control my anger as much as possible. I have tried to distract myself from all those pains and guilt. Still, a long way for me to go when I can truly term myself as calm and cool.

In this learning process, I have so far learnt that keeping yourself away from people who hurt is not too hard. They might be very close ones, may be your siblings, your parents, your friends or your in-laws but keeping and maintaining safe distance is not very difficult.Avoid to have regular talks because you know anytime those criticism can start again.

Second thing that I learnt is till the time you allow someone to hurt you, he /she can hurt. The moment you stop listening and responding, it stops. It might be in your mind and give you sleepless nights but the actual complains, criticism and hurting from other individual will stop.

Third thing is think like a child. When we were kids, if a friend is not good, he/she backbites and cheats, we simply stop being friends. Same is also true when we are grown up. No need to be friends or think what others will think of you. Just think of what makes the situation better.

In this process, if I find some more working solution, I will post that for you. Try it, may be it will also work with you.


May god restore peace in your life.

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