"Last year, after a long period of neglect, I rediscovered my favorite number. Today, it appeared as my OTP. A strange, serendipitous start to my evening. I find myself wishing it would appear again, in a specific, desired context.
This is another one of my seemingly insignificant, unnecessary wishes. Why do I cling to these fleeting desires? Perhaps this is what turning forty feels like—a sense of time slipping away, wishes left unfulfilled. We prioritize necessities, letting our dreams fade, only to realize later that some may never materialize.
It feels as if I'm subconsciously preparing for mortality, wanting to fulfill these small wishes to avoid future regrets. Responsibilities have overshadowed my desires, yet I know even in death, some responsibilities, especially motherhood, will remain incomplete.
The thought of leaving my young, dependent child is profoundly unsettling. Motherhood is a lifelong commitment, and its abrupt end would be the most difficult. While other responsibilities might be left behind without regret, this one is different.
Ultimately, fate will guide me. My path is beyond my control. So, what truly remains within our grasp? Perhaps, nothing at all."
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