My journey has been defined by a relentless search for logic where none seems to exist.
Early on, when faced with profound injustice, my immediate instinct was to demand answers. I felt an overpowering need to confront the situation, to find a valid reason for the cruelty. But while I was consumed by tears and confusion, a message appeared—a stark, almost divine directive: "Silence is the best revenge."
I didn't crave revenge, but I chose silence anyway. I chose it because I felt utterly weak and powerless. My fate was decided by someone else's casual decision, and I was left with nothing but the echo of an accepted truth my heart vehemently refused to acknowledge.
The Paradox of Manifestation
I've struggled with understanding the mechanism of desire. In one phase, I longed for a future so desperately that I ignored every internal intuition warning me away. I visualized a perfect life, oblivious to the fact that it was not mine to claim. That manifestation failed completely.
Then, years later, a separate desire arose—an outcome with a mere 30% success rate. After nearly 18 months of persistent prayer, I achieved success on the very first attempt. I was filled with immense gratitude. I believed my prayers, my focus, my manifestation, had worked.
Yet, that joy was short-lived, violently extinguished by someone who simply could not bear to witness my happiness.
Life continued to deliver setbacks in bunches, one overwhelming wave after the next. Amidst this chaos, something unusual occurred: I experienced a sudden, inexplicable sense of a friend's pain, a genuine feeling of telepathy. I reached out and confirmed they were, indeed, in immense suffering.
Are these mere coincidences, or is there a rational explanation that lies just beyond our grasp? My rational mind yearns for a scientific explanation, yet my soul senses a profound spiritual current at play. I am driven by a deep need to understand the "how" and "why" of this grand, confusing mechanism we call existence.
The Riddle of Luck and Lost Opportunity
We often define luck as the moment preparation meets opportunity. But even this definition fails to capture the full scope of life's whims.
I once missed a massive, guaranteed 100% salary hike at my first organization because I left just two years too soon—a reward based purely on institutional longevity ( company's centenary celebration), not competence.
Even more confusingly, I earned two lucrative job offers through sheer skill, only to let them go. My father, with love, asked me: “What would you do with more money without anyone to share your life with?” I could not convince him, and I lost the opportunities.
Was I truly that inept at seizing opportunities? That poor at calculating the true outcome of my decisions? I now know that your environment—the voices, the expectations, the limitations—contributes massively to success or failure, a truth I failed to assess then.
My persistent introspection still cannot fully connect these dots. I cannot logically explain the profound impact of those decisions on my life today. I do not know if I am in the right direction.
But I know this: I keep moving. Simply with faith as my only compass, I navigate this profound uncertainty, determined to find the truth behind the patterns.
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