Sometimes it never ends!!

 Just completed movie Auro mein kahan dum tha. This movie made me remind of my own thoughts in so many ways.

Pyar karo to puri filmy style ki kabhi bhul hi na pao.. I tried to forget, to be angry , sometimes felt it was me alone in that love story. But, love is love whether it's reciprocated or not. Whether it was me alone or not. It was my love. My feelings, my vulnerabilities that I exposed to someone with trust. You wrote to me not to be in the place where you would live. As if someone said Tathastu to that till today I never visited that place. I will try not to go there but in movies I just watch the place and still imagine, how it would have felt to stand there and watch a sunset together. That bridge, those beaches are so damn beautiful. I wish I could see. 

Some lines were so touching in this movie and  lyrics were too good. After a long time watched such a good love story. Just like Tabu saying will you come to meet me if I ask you to before dieing one last time. I too wanted to ask that. May be that's the reason I wrote that last year when I was too sick. I am imperfect human being, I can't control when sick. But, thankfully I didn't write I missed you or can I see you. 

I knew that it will never end for me that's the reason never wanted to marry.  I wish I could have done that just for myself.  I would have been better that way. But, being a woman is my problem. Nobody can ever understand me other than me myself. 

Ab toh bas uparwale hi mera kuch kar sakte hai. 

What makes us not share??

 With death of Ratan tata, the same question arises multiple times in my mind. Why do we not do things when the person is alive? Many times our government wanted to give Ratan Tata a Bharat Ratna, but they did not..

What stopped us do this when he was alive? What benefit does it serve if you do this after the person is gone? News report says, Ratan Tata did not agree. Well a man who never chased appreciation or reward for his good works, will he come and say he wants it. But, does that stop us from recognising him. 

Well it's past now. But, someone like him should receive it while alive. I don't think anyone would disagree to this. 

Same goes to all our relationships with friends and people we know. We hesitate to share our feelings sometimes when they are around us and later we regret we could have done this or that. Why can't we do that immediately, whenever we felt like we should do it. 

What stops us? Is it our ego, self respect or is it a fear of rejection? Life is too short. Who knows till when we can have them in our life. So, we should reach out to people more. 

Just now saw a guru say that four things we should do in life

1- apologies when you know you made a mistake 

2- appreciate others when they are their for you

3-  share your feelings as early as can

4- seek help if you know you need it

It's easier said than done. My problem area is seeking help. 😂 Other 3 points is okay for me. Except this one. Lived so long without seeking help that I now feel awkward to even seek it. What do I do ? 

I am imperfect and I need to learn too. 

क़द्र

 कुछ लोग कुछ करते भी नहीं

 पर कोई उनसे नाराज नहीं होते

और कुछ लोग जान हथेली पर रख दे 

तब भी कोई खुश  नहीं होते 

किसिने खूब कहा था 

जिस्मे strength होती है 

उसको ही ज्यादा सहना पड़ता है ..

आज बहत दिनों बाद रोने का मन हो रहा है 

क्या में सच में कम रोती हु

 जो यह एहसास मेरे कम नहीं होते 

Shoes for the soul !!

 From today's paper, very beautiful and small story. Must read.

Shiva meets Krishna 🙏

 When lord Krishna was a 12 days old baby and was at Nanda and Yashoda's house, lord Shiva wanted to see him. So, lord Shiva came to Nanda and Yashoda's house. When he knocked the door, Yashoda came out and asked if he needed anything.

Shiva told her that he wants to see the baby Krishna. To which Yashoda says, he is too young and I can't bring him out. 

Hearing this lord Shiva turns back to return. At this point baby Krishna cries and howls suddenly . Yashoda understood that sending lord Shiva back was a mistake. She then runs behind Shiva and asks him to come back and meet little Krishna. 

Lord Shiva comes back and holds little Krishna in his arms. In this way the destroyer and the saviour meet. Lord Shiva is a great devotee of lord Vishnu and lord Vishnu is a great devotee of lord Shiva. Lord Shiva blesses little Krishna and then goes back to Kailash. 

Missing

 When you miss someone 

But can't talk

It's a worst kind of feeling 

They say,

 Maan ka ho toh achha

Aur Maan ka na ho toh aur achha

Then why do I feel like this even today 

May be my higher good is still unknown to me

Passing through each and every test so far

Sometimes feels like I never needed to do this 

I can't undo or redo anything 

But all I can do is try distracting myself 

Which sometimes seems so impossible 

Why can't I silence my mind 

Why can't I just let it stop

Oh divine forces pls do help 🙏 

Golconda and my memories!!

I was in 11th or 12th when we visited Bangalore and Hyderabad. We spent more time in Bangalore, Mysore, and a couple of days in Hyderabad. On the first day we went to Golconda Fort. 

It was fascinating to see the entrance door where if you clap that can be heard at the main building which lies 3 to 4 km from the entrance. One loud clap that vibrates takes the sound that far. In the old days, if a visitor came visiting, the doorkeeper would clap and it would be noted by someone in the main palace. 

Do we have such technology now?? Interesting isn't it?? I have a habit of thinking about the kings and queens and how their lifestyle would look like in my imagination. No matter which palace or fort I visit I would submerge myself imagining how this place would have looked then. Back then I did that. The long and high steps of this fort and the amount of walking you need to do made my feet swell when we returned. But, yes, it is a magnificent fort with a temple, mosque, and jail. 

There was a singer named Taramati who sang at a distant place known as Taramati Baradari. The wind carried the song to Golconda fort, where a prince heard it. 

Another story says two courtesans named Taramati and Premamati would dance and sing on ropes tied between Golconda and Taramati Baradari and travellers would enjoy it. As a tribute to them both of them Taramati and Premamati got a royal burial at Qutub Shahi tombs. 

Many bats live in present-day Fort and you can hear their sounds in the dark rooms and smell the foul smell that comes out of it. Nevertheless, imagining a royal lifestyle by looking at the baths(hammams) of these royal people is very interesting. 

The second time,I visited Golconda fort in 2011 when my parents visited us again and finally a third time just yesterday to show my son around. 

Back then my feet swell. It was in 2011 that I was able to cover the entire fort without feeling any discomfort. This time I felt so dizzy when I reached the top of the hill near Mahankali temple.  I felt I would fall down. Sat down for some time drank water and then continued my journey. Some of the pictures I share here for you to enjoy.