Listen to yourself!!

 As we all are different, in same way we heal differently. Like our choices, like our nature.. in same way, we all heal differently. 

Some might just close a bad chapter and turn to next like a click of switch.

Some might need to cry, scream and then slowly accept the situation. 

Some might choose to keep good memories.

Some might just want to erase it altogether. 

What matters is to listen to yourself ? We ask others for suggestions and they might not know or might not be willing to help. All say just ask yourself. 

Sometimes I feel why can't we help each other. 

We are human beings, social animals and we have that communication skills to provide compassion, advice and care to others. Why not to use it? 

Self love does not mean being selfish, I believe it means being selfless. I can be broken doesn't mean my heart or mind can't understand the pain others face. If I can then what makes me not provide that time to someone who needs me. 

May be that is one reason I find time to jot down my feelings in form of stories or poems. 

If someone can learn from my experience then it solves a good purpose. I might fail ..I warn you.. because for me success is not just social status but growing as an individual. 

They say move away from people and places where you don't find respect. But, it's not true always. We all need respect and ofcourse we should not stick around that place where there is no respect. Sometimes, people disrespect us yet they do not let us go. Ofcourse we should choose, but when you selflessly serve others. You will give up, until you find a better solution that serves everyone. 

I am yet to find many answers that would let me guide myself where I am willing to head. Let me see how I mould myself.

Give me some sunshine give me some rain.

Give me another chance , I wanna grow up once again. 

God bless  🙏 

Life during Covid!!

 Here, I share with you my first ever pattachitra trial. It's a painting of my beloved Lord Jagannath. 

I made it during first phase of COVID in year 2020. Unfortunately, had to give up my job. I didn't wanted to and tried my best to get a transfer to my native but didn't get it. 

Things at my home was too complicated, my son was too young and my father had to undergo dialysis. I was offered a managerial role but the condition was to shift to either to Pune or Chennai. Being a new mother this was way too much for me to commit. 

Only my father didn't wish me to leave my job. And ofcourse my in-laws never want me to leave job. 😂 But, I had no one standing behind me to support at that time. Well, life has its own plans which willingly or unwillingly we have to follow. 

I left my job just before COVID started. Had I been in that job it would have given me a WFH even today. But, my purpose in life was something bigger may be, because that is how I want to remember it. 

I was there taking care of my parents when non of my brothers could come and stay there. I supported them in his initial days of Dialysis. I was running between hospitals, medicines, doctor visits and emotionally being present their to support for my parents. It was a tough phase. Both me and my mom had tough time handling a small kid and my father. 

It is definitely yet another blessing in disguise for me. Can a married daughter in India do this? I did it, and ofcourse faced backlash from my in-laws even though they didn't needed me. 

May be my sole purpose in this life is to serve others. If so then why not my parents first. Don't know why people assume that if a married daughter takes care of her parents, she won't serve her in-laws.  From where they get this ridiculous idea, I can't understand. Whatever it may be it's their perception and now I feel if I being a woman can do for my parents, I am not stopping your son to take care of you. Let him do. 

Let it be. Well it happened without even deliberately planning to do so. But, people judge me as per their own nature. That will be there right. All are not so progressive in their outlook even though they claim it or boast it. Which does not go well with me?? 

Thankfully my youngest brother could come back before the 2nd phase of COVID and was there when finally my father had to depart. Those last few months he was too scared to go to hospital. Every day he would make excuses not to go for dialysis. And then the toughest time came when he was not responding well and we were struggling to find a hospital bed for him.

It was a nightmare to see him in that condition and not knowing what and how to find a bed. Finally got a bed after long struggle. And got some relief. After 8 days he left us. It was good that his pain came to an end. How long could he have suffered? And why? It was a Friday, the luckiest day of my father. He was born on Friday. All his good things happened to him on Fridays. I was born on Friday my youngest brother was also born on Friday night. And my father left us on a Friday. 

During this phase to keep my mind calm I did many paintings. It helps in spending some time in peace. Well we three siblings have this creativity in us. 

We need to pursue our hobbies to keep us in good state of mind during difficult phases. Though now I don't find time. I have to focus on other things, as life decides. 

Confused me!!

 Sometimes I feel I am so blessed 😀

Sometimes I feel no body wants me😂

Sometimes I feel my wisdom is in right direction 🙂

Sometimes I feel my divine forces are helping me😊

Sometimes I feel then why I am suffering 😂

Sometimes I feel so motivated 😊

Sometimes I feel I already lost my spark😂

Sometimes I feel I am helping others😃

Sometimes I feel no body is helping me😂

I experience my mood shifting like a pendulum from being blessed to being demotivated so very often😊😂

How to stop this oscillating pendulum 

Fix it tightly just in the place where it

Feels like being the blessed one always 

Will I be able to achieve this ..only time can say 🙂

Sometimes I wish someone would post a comment 

And make me feel good a little for writing all

Nonsense 🤣 

That's the confused me , playing and not listening to my wisdom at times 😔 😭 

Sometimes we loose spark!!

 Two people glow equally 

But one goes through pain

Caused by emotional hurts

Childhood traumas 

Abuses, diseases

No appreciations etc

Eventually that person looses spark

That person just needs a little help

But who will come for help

Will that person be able to ask for help in time

Sometimes after undergoing pain after pain

We loose that ability to even seek help

Then the hope is in divine forces 

The day divine forces help

Getting back on feets is easy

But, if you can help someone 

You know is undergoing pain

Do so it doesn't need a great effort 👍

Waiting period

 How patient you are in waiting 

Is all that matters

Good things take time 

 Cooking rice takes time

If we hurry it will remain undercooked

Same way in life waiting is what matters

Trust like a child on the divine forces 

What belongs to you will come to you

It will take time and need patience 

Sometimes it seems impossible 

Sometimes too confusing 

Sometimes makes us feel guilty 

Sometimes makes us anxious 

But no matter what time and God 

Will teach you to be patient 

If you hurry you will feel drained 

Like my friend used to say

Don't worry come carefully 

We have time .. her tone and

 choice of words never made 

me anxious of getting late

Same way when we are in waiting period 

In this life's journey 

We need to be patient 

And learn to be joyful during such times..

Why we suffer, fall in love, and feel joyful!!

 From today's paper 

How we deal with pain?

Some people survive and talk about it. 

Some people survive and go silent. 

Some people survive and create. 

Everyone deals with unimaginable pain in their own way, and everyone is entitled to that, without judgement.

 So the next time you look at someone’s life covetously, remember…you may not want to endure what they are enduring right now, at this moment, whilst they sit so quietly before you, looking like a calm ocean on a sunny day. 

Remember how vast the ocean’s boundaries are. Whilst somewhere the water is calm, in another place in the very same ocean, there is a colossal storm. 

That's the reason people who have suffered values more, they understand, respect and empathize more than people who never undergo such hardship in life. 

It's a way life, circumstances and people teach us to be more humble, kind and grounded. It teaches you to be more compassionate and less judgemental.