Shiva or Krishna:- Whom do you believe?

About five years back, my close friend asked me this question, " Whom do I believe? Which God do I love most and have my firm faith on? " I just thought for a while and told Lord Hanuman. She said Hanuman is a form of Shiva or Rudra so you are Shaivait. Well, even today I am not clear and I am really confused whom do I love the most.Which God do I have firm faith on.

I worship almost every important God head in Hinduism. I keep Monday fast for Shiva, I worship Ganesha on every Sankasti Chaturthy, I do fasting on Navratras. Yes, I do not keep fasting on Janmastami as it is my Mother's Birthday. Well, if her birthday would not have fallen on Janmastami I would have kept fast on that day too. 

My everyday worship starts with Mantra's of Ganesha, followed by all other deities. So, whom do I believe most. When I visit temples, it is not because I have faith on the God head but because that temple is one of the well known temple and also  I visit all the temple near my home on occasions. So, from where would I get this answer. 

Yes, as a child I worshiped God as a practice not as a firm belief. May be my parents never forced their belief on us, they just allowed each of us to gradually develop our own spiritual interest. When I completed my tenth, I developed spirituality and faith on God. I knew by that time that, according to Hinduism, only Lord Hanuman is immortal and he is present in his original form somewhere. So, I developed faith towards him. It was my daily practice from then on to worship him, and utter his chalisa. 

Gradually, my faith on God deepened and by now I believe on more than dozen of God heads and utter their respective Mantra's everyday. I must agree that I am not in a position to judge on whom do I have more faith. Yes, some people make their wish and ask a particular deity to fulfill it and accordingly they believe in that God head. However, in my case I would pray to almost everyone. 

 I know my Dad believes in Vaisnav and my Husband on Shakti. But, I do not know whom my Mom believes more, may be her answer will be same as mine. She prays everyday to almost dozens of deity. This post will appear as confused or may be Hinduism as confused with so many deities. Yes, true sometimes because of this I start believing in Mahima Cult where they believe God is one without any form. He is supernatural or supreme power that guides us. 

In Hinduism we have associated each God with nature, like wind god, fire god etc and also with each aspect of human nature, with specific task and specific way of appeasing our wish. 

I wrote this because, just now I came across a blog, the author is a firm devotee of Shiva and has many post against Vaisnav and ISKON. Do we need to write something against someone's belief. After all we are all humans with same features and the difference is in our belief. Who knows which is true, what is correct? It is immaterial till the time it serves its purpose of existence. We have divided people into so many religions and if inside religion we start fighting, what purpose will the religion have. 

Faith in almighty helps us lighten our stress, helps us in keeping our self grounded and in someway spirituality is the relieving factor in tough times. Almighty is one on whom we leave every unaccomplished and seemingly impossible task to get some miracle do it for us. We curse him, turn to him and bind our faith on him in tough times. The most important thing , this does is relieve us of our stress for the time being. 

Handmade Rakhi Cards

Hi Readers,

Time again to share with you my new creations for the coming festive season. I just completed making Rakhi cards for my loving brothers. Last time, I had made cards with same material but different design for both of them. When I showed them, both of them said the card I made for other one is better than what he received. Therefore, I had decided to make same card pattern for both of them. Yes, I can't make a ditto copy as that is too boring to make equal and similar looking cards. So, I choose same pattern but different color to at- least make me feel like I am doing a different one.

So, now my friends you can also choose similar patterns and make your Rakhi cards for the coming Rakshya Bandhan. Wish you all a very happy Rakshya Bandhan ahead.

The story of a cursed mother -" Kunti"

This is a very old story from Mahabharat, the famous story of Kunti and Karna. Kunti was unwed mother of Karna from the almighty god Sun(Surya). I am confused who is more cursed among this mother son duo. Is it the mother Kunti, who when pregnant with her first child, went in exile being afraid of the social stigma. Or is it the son Karna who had to survive without his mother and also his father, he never got their support when he most needed it.

I call Kunti as cursed mother, because being a Mother is an awesome feeling, a feeling that you are bearing your own child made of your blood and flesh. Every lady adores to bear this pain of bearing a child, but only a few are cursed, who have to hide this awesome feeling to the outside world. She had literally pleaded to Sun god when she tried to see if the Mantra that Rishi Durvasha gave her is actually working. When she called for Sun god, she was merely kidding with the powerful Mantra. When Sun god appeared, she again pleaded him as now she was afraid of the consequences. Sun assured her that after the birth of their child she will get back her virginity and it will not affect her future life.

She abandoned her first child Karna in a basket and let it flow with the river current in Ganges. Motherhood which is a blessing for all the married ladies, was a mere curse for her. This stands true even today in our society. Now a days, though society is changing and all the old social stigma are slowly disappearing, I believe this one will still last for quiet a more number of decades or may be will never disappear.

She witnessed her child Karna in battle field. When Karna was asked bitter questions from her own brothers, she was merely standing still and witnessing all this. She never came in front and admitted that this is her first child. She knew its her own child, but never got that courage to accept it. Even Sun god never came to protect his child.

To protect Arjuna(son of Kunti and god Indra), in the battle with Karna, Indra came down in form of an old Bhramin and asked to take the Kavach and Kundal that Karna possessed from his  mighty father Sun. Karna being large hearten donated his powerful Kavach and Kundal to Indra. However, on the other hand Sun never accepted that Karna is his son. He just warned Karna of the intentions of Indra, but he could have done something to protect his son or help him in war. He silently witnessed his son being ridiculed for being brought up by Sarathi Adirath( charioteer) and his wife Radha. He never protected his son the way Indra did. Karna was cursed to not receive any help from his actual parents.

I wonder why Sun never came in front, why he never spoke of Karna and did not accept that he is his son. In our society, father is never questioned so he could have at least saved his son from being ridiculed.

Even today, the fate of unwed mothers and unaccepted children have not changed.Unwed mothers, being however rich and affluent still do not accept that it is their own child. They might stage a drama of adopting their own child but never let the society know of the truth. And the innocent child is just a victim like Karna, even though he/she most be living with his/her actual mother would never know the truth till his/her end. Kunti revealed her identity in war and wanted Karna to change his side from Kauravs to Pandavas. Karna being too generous and humble to friend Duryodhan did not accepted this as this meant deceiving his friend. In return Kunti wanted Karna not to attack her other five sons and Karna promised not to harm anyone except Arjuna as defeating Arjuna would be enough for him to payback the gratitude of Duryodhan. I feel Kunti had so much affection for her sons but not Karna. She wanted Karna to keep his royal birth a secret but revealed her identity just to use him. Why she did not appear when Karna was contesting in a tournament. Was she selfish, or was it that she had motherly affection only for Pandavas and not for Karna. The same happens even today. Unwed mothers either abandon their child or would adopt their own child in a staged drama. They never reveal their identity. How they let that Motherly affection vanish for their child?

Mother is a very auspicious word and has an auspicious place, but what should this motherhood mean, Is not it cursed? The women who do not conceive easily, for them being a mother is next to being with god. They can do everything and anything to be able to conceive. Where as for the unwed mother, she would have at least cursed herself once for having that unplanned or unaccepted child.

The "BARFI" Way

I watched the movie BARFI three times consecutively this weekend and also forced my husband to watch it again. I had never been this crazy for a movie ever, but yes, BARFI deserves this. Many posts have been already written on movie BARFI, the learning lesson and morals from this movie. So, I am not going to make this post any similar to it.

Whenever I watch BARFI, somehow I move back in time to my childhood, when I was hardly 4 to 5 yrs old. At that time my father was posted at Paradip, the port town of Jagatsinghpur district and the largest port of Odisha. We lived in a colony, which was in a shape of square, with a square shaped field inside and the houses were in rows that made the boundary. It had four entrances at each corner.

In movie Barfi, Jhilmil is autistic and is just like a five year old. She finds happiness by watching everything upside down. She enjoys, making paper boats, birds and enjoys the chirping of birds. I had same kind of mentality when I was around five. In this Paradip port colony, I used to enjoy rainy days watching frogs jumping in rain water. Every time my school would declare a rainy day, I would just sit by the window pane and gaze at the colorful frogs jumping in the water that would accumulate in the field opposite our house. Me and my brother who was about three years old would make paper boats and float them. I remember having a water storage tank in our backyard , where we used to play with boats.

Since, this is a coastal area, we had sandy fields. We both with our friends would make sand castles and dig up water well. Those were the days when I really enjoyed running behind the red crabs near sea shore.

We enjoyed so much and never had any big wishes and wants to make us happy. Childhood is like that where we can see happiness in every small things, be it the small puppy, kitten or the chirping of birds and cuckoo. We find happiness by running behind butterfly, dragonfly and crabs to catch. We enjoy the croaking of frogs. In my village, I would love to sit at night and stare at the firefly, touching centipede and running behind the hen and chicks.

We enjoy watching all the small things near us. Yes, even today we enjoy nature. No doubt in that, but we need to go on a holiday to either hill-station or any other naturally beautiful place to admire its beauty. We no more enjoy the nature that is just in front of us.

With age we have matured and know how to behave in public, but we have forgotten to admire all the beauty that lies everywhere with each single thing that surrounds us. Some where we have lost that beautiful heart of us that used to admire and find happiness with everything that was with us, and now that piece of heart is replaced with another piece that seeks only attention, and has many wants to fulfill.

Most of us if not all, have many dreams and wants to fulfill and we postpone being happy till that want has been fulfilled. Gradually, we have stopped admiring the beauty that lies with everything and it is now replaced by fault finding attitude. We can easily make a long list of faults but will find it difficult to just get one point to admire.

With childhood, we have all lost that beautiful heart which had lots of happiness, which found lots of happiness with everything small or big.

Relationship - Is it real or fake ?

Hi Readers,

​Before you read on, I want you to know this isn't a story about my family. I adore my mom; she's my best friend. This is an exploration of a question that has been haunting me lately, a question about the nature of love itself.

​It started with a piece of news I can't shake. A man I knew distantly, a senior official in the government, took his own life. He had just finished distributing his son’s wedding invitations. The wedding, set for this Sunday, was the culmination of a five-year struggle. His son was marrying a woman from a different caste. Both families were well-respected, but the social barrier was immense. After years of fighting for their love, the couple had finally received their families' blessing. Or so it seemed.

​What pushes a father to make such a choice days before his son's happiness is solidified?

​It reminds me of a story from my college days, where a friend’s mother attempted suicide to stop him from marrying the girl he loved, all because of her caste. The couple tragically separated, choosing her life over their love.

​These stories clash with everything we're taught to believe about parental love. We call it "unconditional," a sacred bond unlike any other. But is it? When love is used as a bargaining chip, with a parent's life hanging in the balance, it feels deeply, painfully conditional.

​Parents rightfully point to their endless sacrifices—the sleepless nights, the worries, the constant care. It’s a debt we can never truly repay. But I question the motive behind reminding us of this debt. When a mother nurses a sick child, she isn't just easing the child's pain; she's easing her own. She simply cannot stand by and watch her child suffer.

​That raw, protective instinct is beautiful. But it becomes a weapon when it's wielded as emotional blackmail to control a child's adult life. The moment a child’s choice threatens the family's "prestige" or "status," the conversation shifts from the child's well-being to the family's reputation. In that moment, love is no longer about the child; it's about the image.

​It leads me to a bigger, more uncomfortable thought: perhaps all human relationships are transactional. We are driven by our wants, our needs, and our expectations. We hurt each other when reality doesn't align with the stories in our heads.

​In this, animals seem far more evolved. They raise their young and set them free, expecting nothing in return. Theirs is a cycle of life, not a cycle of debt and obligation. We humans, with our complex societies and fragile egos, have learned to chain each other down with the weight of the past.

​The irony is staggering. We pray for a child, we move mountains to bring one into the world, simply because we need them. They are the answer to our desires. But once they arrive, we forget that they are a person, not a project. We forget that the child who gave us the gift of parenthood deserves the freedom to live their own life.

​The human heart is a paradox. It is capable of a love so fierce it can feel cosmic, yet so insecure it can be shattered by something as fragile as societal opinion. And for what? In the end, we all leave this world alone, with nothing but the love we gave and received—hopefully, without conditions.

Loneliness,patience and a prayer to almighty

Today, I was talking to an old friend. I do not want to name her, but we shared room in Bangalore. She is a simple girl, simple in terms of dressing herself modestly. Simple, in terms of dreaming and being ambitious about life. As far as I know her she never had any boyfriend. She just wanted a life partner.

Her sole aim was to make her family happy and proud. She was hardworking and got placed in a reputed organisation. After her job she had only one hobby, reading spiritual books of SriMaa and Aurobindo. I had a chance to visit the Aurobindo Ashram with her couple of times. We used to purchase lots of book from the Ashram store. We both used to visit Iskon temple several times and we were regular at the malls and commercial street. We both used to have our breakfast in our PG and then start our journey. Full day shopping, movie etc with lots of mouth watering foods and then used to return to our PG when we would just come back and fall asleep.

Those were one of the best days, we used to plan then that if we get married and settle down at same city, then we would re-live these moments again and again. We would leave our husbands at home and go together. But, sadly this never happened.

One day, she got transferred and left Bangalore with many dreams and I was left alone to succumb in loneliness. I did not get any better friend than hers in my PG. Rest were just  acquaintances, some with bad temperament, some with too much attitude and few more who were reluctant to speak in any other language leaving their mother tongue. I had another roommate also but she loved being alone. She only used to talk about TV soaps with me. At that time, I missed her badly. I felt like I am made to just work and then live in my loneliness. I tried but never got an opportunity to be with her again.

But, at least god has been benevolent to give me a partner who is their to listen to me, to support me. After, four years at least I have a family to live with.But, my dear friend is still waiting to get a partner. She stays alone. Her younger sister got married and she is yet to find a good match. The match making procedure is really not very appealing experience to live again and again. And it becomes extremely annoying when your parents also would start sending in every individual to you, without even considering any aspect. I may not understand how parents actually feel about it. But, yes this is not something any girl would like to undergo again and again. She has that feeling now.

I can understand and many others would do who have had similar experiences, but can anything liberate them of this pain. Still, many of our classmates are not married. Most of them would definitely be feeling similar pain if not staying with any family or friend. Sometimes, others pain is so much more painful that you actually forget your part of pain. Yes, problems and pain are one essential part in day to day life. And that hold good here.

I just want to co-relate the saying that you have to learn from your problems and life teaches it in a bitter way. But, how the problems that my friend is experiencing right now give her a lesson. What sort of lesson she should learn? Yes, someone can say why she herself do not try and find a partner. True, this holds good for many other countries. But, this is India, even if  she gets a partner, the road to being success would not come easily.

Now, lets leave India aside, even in other countries this problem would be there. People may find it difficult to get appropriate match. I just want to understand how they live, not mere live but enjoy being single and alone.

zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar ab tujh ko kaise karu....

     Zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar tujh ko kaise karu,
 

I have put this for Jiah Khan, Indian Bollywood actress who committed suicide last week. I don't want to discuss Jiah as such but saw many comments  for and against this dusky Diva in Facebook. Someone wrote, even teenagers are more matured than her after her suicide note was found and publicized. True, time has changed and even teenagers won't go behind cutting their hands and writing letters in blood. Very few teen's take their life for love. But, I have some questions in my mind that made me write this down.

What is maturity? Is it dumping someone? Is it handling a torn heart and again forcibly making it ready to get similar pain's?

I don't want to justify what one should do or not do. I just want to elaborate that feeling of having a broken heart. Nobody can change another persons mind by doing anything. Influencing another person to that extend is really hard and not so worthwhile. True, one should move on. But all this lines feel like philosophy and stupid lecture at that time. You choose someone to trust and your decision was wrong. That person is not trustworthy may be not a responsible person to take stand for what he/she has done.

 That moment when you loose control over pain is the time you think why I am here, I do not want to witness all this and take pain again. It is a very impulsive pain. A pain that is hard to withstand. Everyone, who has broken would have got the signals much earlier. But, yes not listening to one's intuitions and still believing in your heart that things will turn in your favor is your biggest mistake. You would either loose interest in having a proper meal or you overindulge in it. Sometimes falling sick of just crying over and over.  This is the saddest and most painful feeling that your closest person can give you. A very sharp and back stabbing feeling. As though you were having a poisonous snake with you and you loved it, fed it so that it can bite you.

We have created this society made its rule so that that could benefit us. But, this society and our laws have nothing big for these kind of people who play with emotions and back stab another. Now, teenagers and adults have more issues related to heart broke, be it before or after marriage. We all need to think and come up with answers for, the values,which are missing that is adding up to this problem. How we can make this a better place relationship wise.What should be our core value that we can give to our next generation that it will not have to withstand all this drama. Handling it somehow, letting go, is not solving the entire problem in picture ...