Why am I always in a loop?

 I was peaceful, hopeful in last few months

Concentrated on God ever since 

Ganesh puja started

But as Diwali went

Again it took my peace away

May be I should let go of the 

Feeling that I did good and 

It has to be reciprocated 

Because that's what never happens

I boarded a wrong train much before 

Unwillingly and for the happiness 

Of my people, realised slowly that

It's a wrong train but with faith 

Thought things will workout 

But even today it doesn't happen 

I want to get off this wrong train 

But my kid is fond of it

And he is so happy with it

I wish I could explain him at this 

Tender age that this is a wrong train 

Let's get down and I promise we both 

Will be better of without travelling in this train

They say happiness comes when we make 

Others happy.. they say your things will reach you

I give my service still thinking god is watching 

But, I am in mid of such a decision that

I don't really understand which option is best.

How to be so detached that I can decide 

The right path.. I walked with faith and I walked too far. 

I still don't understand where to head

What is best for a child... And what is best for me?? 

Why am I in a loop and will I be able to break this loop? 

Pratibha Ray!!

 A few days back saw an interview of Pratibha Ray the only woman winner of Moortidevi Award. She is a recipient of Padma Bhibhusan award, Padma Shri award, Gyanpitha award and so many others for her contribution to Odia literature. 

She is from my native village area(block Balikuda, Jagatsinghpur). We have so many famous Odia writers from Jagatsinghpur. I read two of her novels and would read more as I get them. She is now in her 80s and some of her words were so true. 

She said," As a writer I would like to see a peaceful and better world. I would want people to become more peaceful and stop wars. But, is it happening? And this disappoints me. "

So, true is not it. Why would someone want to write? To share something that would bring about change and make a better world. But, does it really happen?? 

इस मर्द को कौन समझे !!

 

१३ साल बाद भी कोई मेरे साथ होक कर भी

 मुझे समझता नहीं 

न मेरी सोच, न में जो करती हु उस्से समझ आती है 

गुस्सा उसका नाक पे रहता है 

भले समझ इस्को कुछ न आये 😂

दोस्ती इसको भाति नहीं 

अपेक्षया बहत है 

शान्ति बिलकुल नहीं 😂

ऐसा लगता है क्यों बनाया इस्को 

बोलते है लड़कियों को समझना मुश्किल है 

पर इस मर्द को कौन समझे 

जो अपने आप को नहीं समझता 😂

 

A Light that glows through giving!!

Yesterday's paper 

My friend and his daughter!!

 One of my friend who helped me recover during one of my depressing phase, stood by me hearing all my non-sense. How he knew that I was in need I don't know? He called me and somehow I told him openly about me back then. Then I got married and he got married after a year or two. We talked but not that often. 

I knew about his wife, about his career and all and he too about mine. Slowly, we were not talking that often. When I asked him, he said you needed me so I was there to hear you. When I realised you don't need me I started to let you be in your world. That touched. 

After a few years got to know that he was blessed with a daughter and a few months later my son was born. Both of us were too busy in our life's. 

Last year when I was sick, My intuition said, he is in some kind of problem and he is not sharing. I sent him a message and he replied, How do you know about me? I called him and shocked to know that he had a paralytic attack. His right side hand leg and face got affected. He lost his job and still he has not fully recovered. Moreover his eyesight is also affected. 

Today morning got a call from him and l just casually picked up. A sweet little girl from other end said, "Hello, aunty .. happy Diwali" wow loved to hear her and I asked if I can do a video call. She said yes and I immediately called. She is so talkative, full chatter box. She has exact eyes as her father. I saw him too but in a very bad state. I told him, why you look like this. But, could not say more. Will call him soon and tell him to at least get a proper shave. 

Sometimes, my friends in trouble give me immense courage to fight back. I feel sad for them, but then being a compassionate person won't just leave them in that state but would give my emotional and mental support to them even if I need that myself too. He doesn't want to meet me and I understand his situation. But, it was both good and bad to see him after so long. May be around 19 to 20 years. I wish I could just call all my friends over video call and see them at one go. 

Friends are so essential in this tough world. Who knows how you might need them again.. 

Hey!! science please fix this!!

 One big problem of my life got fixed because of my sheer faith in science and God. Does not matter if it was science's magic or God's  magic as long as it solved my problem. Grateful to both science and God for that and always will be. 

But, today as the new month begins had to go for grocery shopping. 😂 The only thing that I still pick from outlet on a monthly basis and do not depend on eCommerce.  Was thinking of science and technology could arrange my groceries back into its respective places in my kitchen or storage area. Such a tiring, boring thing that I still need to do. 

AI can prepare my shopping list and order it. IoT can still do some of my chores but they can't really fix arranging my groceries back into each container and then storing extra items in storage cabinets. Why?? Must be some male counterparts that they fixed their problems first. Give command and get your documentation done. Give command and shoot mails to recipients. Well, those were far better than storing groceries. 😭

I wish some scientists to think from women's perspective and solve our mundane activities. Let the creativity flourish because ofcourse not all can compete with AI in writing beautiful lines. If I take help of AI then this article will turn so better. But, I am not here to win any competition so why do so much work. Let me write as I always did. So, it's actually killing the talents. How are our kids going to learn to write better on their own without taking help of Technology?? Well, time will reveal soon as my son grows up. Let me see in practical what it makes out of him. 

I wish someone do my mundane chores and I could spend more time writing and thinking about how to write in a funny manner sometimes with pain and sometimes just for laughs. 

10 yrs back I used to enjoy shopping with my girls gang. Men are very poor at shopping. If my father would go with me, he would say I am sitting outside you pick your dress and do it fast. This is not the only dress you are going to wear all through out your life. My brothers were alike, always in a hurry. Only girls with girls for shopping is the best experience. We would go to buy something for one person and all of us would end up buying something or the other for each of us. How our weekends used to pass beautifully doing this for hours together. Now, it's like surf the eCommerce site compare the prices and click it. This is killing the real fun of shopping. 

Our kids are also learning to order online. 😂 Fun in our time and their time varies so widely. 

My painting!!

 This painting I made for my cousin's house warming ceremony. Gifted him much before he finished his house. But, till today he has not put it up in his house. 😂 

I always prefered making personalized gifts. And he liked and complemented me.  Though I don't get more time now to pursue my talents such as crafting, painting, embroidery, origami and all. But, I am very enthusiastic in learning these things apart from writing my journal. Now, this blog is a kind of journal for me. 

May be I will forget my beautiful memories as I grow older so I write it here. I can read and reread and never forget it. 🤩 Enough of my non-sense, now let me share this pic. It's a painting of Lord Jagannath and an Odishi dancer dancing before him. 

Memories from Christ college!!

 Thought of skipping my post today. But, somehow ended up reading one of my post from 2011 about boys trying to impress girls. Can't just stop laughing about it. 

It's so much fun. I wish I could go back and relive those school and college days again. 

So, let me write something about my college after 10th.  My college Christ college Cuttack. It was one of the oldest and my father was posted at Chandi Chhack branch that time. I got a seat in Sailabala women's college but he was not in favour of all girls college. May be he heard some news about girls college students so he didn't let me go there. 

It was a big strength in my class. I don't remember the strength of my class exactly. But, our practical group was divided into 30 students each. We were 4 girls in my practical group. Jolly Alexander, Phebin Thomas, Shubhra Mandal and myself. From my school we had Devendra in our group too. Other boys I don't remember any of their names. 

Can't forget cutting that earthworm, frog and all in my Zoology lab. Everytime Devendra had to sit just opposite of me. And he was very friendly to all four of us and would call us Bhehen as if other guys would link him with us if he didn't do that. 😂

Botany department in Christ was the best in Cuttack. And so were our lecturers. They used to share funny incidents by students. One of them that I can never forget is , the lecture said, " once there was a question on rice in Botany exam" and a student wrote, "Monkeys climb on rice tree and throw rice down." 😂 Wow how wonderful was that answer. Then once we had to do some experiment on fig. The lecture asked, "Have you seen fig flower?" None of us had seen it. He said there is a proverb in Odia, " Dimri phoola jiye dekhila seyi Dina siye marila" then he explained the flowers are inside its fruit.  Only after coming to South India I saw Anjeer and realised we don't know that we can eat it's fruit and make dry fruits out of it. 

There are several memories from physics and chemistry labs too. But, let's now go back to our friendship memories. We used to go to Cambridge school to buy popsicles from its canteen. Sometimes we would go to shops infront of SB women's if we didn't had breakfast. After classes we used to enjoy golas as the gola wala would come inside our campus. Jolly and Phebin lived in Buxi bazar and Shubhra near to Chandni Chowk. I used to come from CDA. In those days I used to be very thin like my mom. 

Once, I met with an accident just infront of my collage gate with a fellow classmate. That guy's name I forgot and he rushed towards me in wrong direction in his bicycle and I was in my scooty. That fellow told me you don't know how to ride then why are you bringing scooty. I also told him who is in wrong side of the road, is it you or me? I applied break but you are in high speed what do I do? And then I let it be. Just pulled my scooty and this fellow was doing drama as if he was having hard time pulling up his cycle. He was a handsome guy with lots of attitude and had a very good name something like Aryan. I couldn't believe his nautanki picking up his cycle. 😂😂

Both Jolly and Phebin had invited us to their homes on their birthdays. It was so good to have Malayali food back then. Though now Jolly is in Cuttack she is not in any of the social media. Got to know that she took lost her Dad at the same time as I did from other common friend. Phebin lost her dad much earlier than I did. Phebin and I connect over FB and Shubhra was also there in FB but now doesn't seem to be active. Sometimes I feel so good to see my old friends. To see them reaching full potential in their respective careers. Just like Phebin and Joyce in their career as nurses or Shubhra getting her PHD in marketing.  

Just because I went to so many schools, I have friends in many different career paths. Back then our parents didn't had so much exposure to career choices, which comes so easily due to internet and through our spread of network over social media. It's a blessing is not it?? 

Last year or in 2022, I took my son to Christ college and showed him around. It was afternoon and college was empty. Clicked a few pics near that Gandhi statue. And relieved the memories of galleries and our practical labs.