Relationship - Is it real or fake ?

Hi Readers,

​Before you read on, I want you to know this isn't a story about my family. I adore my mom; she's my best friend. This is an exploration of a question that has been haunting me lately, a question about the nature of love itself.

​It started with a piece of news I can't shake. A man I knew distantly, a senior official in the government, took his own life. He had just finished distributing his son’s wedding invitations. The wedding, set for this Sunday, was the culmination of a five-year struggle. His son was marrying a woman from a different caste. Both families were well-respected, but the social barrier was immense. After years of fighting for their love, the couple had finally received their families' blessing. Or so it seemed.

​What pushes a father to make such a choice days before his son's happiness is solidified?

​It reminds me of a story from my college days, where a friend’s mother attempted suicide to stop him from marrying the girl he loved, all because of her caste. The couple tragically separated, choosing her life over their love.

​These stories clash with everything we're taught to believe about parental love. We call it "unconditional," a sacred bond unlike any other. But is it? When love is used as a bargaining chip, with a parent's life hanging in the balance, it feels deeply, painfully conditional.

​Parents rightfully point to their endless sacrifices—the sleepless nights, the worries, the constant care. It’s a debt we can never truly repay. But I question the motive behind reminding us of this debt. When a mother nurses a sick child, she isn't just easing the child's pain; she's easing her own. She simply cannot stand by and watch her child suffer.

​That raw, protective instinct is beautiful. But it becomes a weapon when it's wielded as emotional blackmail to control a child's adult life. The moment a child’s choice threatens the family's "prestige" or "status," the conversation shifts from the child's well-being to the family's reputation. In that moment, love is no longer about the child; it's about the image.

​It leads me to a bigger, more uncomfortable thought: perhaps all human relationships are transactional. We are driven by our wants, our needs, and our expectations. We hurt each other when reality doesn't align with the stories in our heads.

​In this, animals seem far more evolved. They raise their young and set them free, expecting nothing in return. Theirs is a cycle of life, not a cycle of debt and obligation. We humans, with our complex societies and fragile egos, have learned to chain each other down with the weight of the past.

​The irony is staggering. We pray for a child, we move mountains to bring one into the world, simply because we need them. They are the answer to our desires. But once they arrive, we forget that they are a person, not a project. We forget that the child who gave us the gift of parenthood deserves the freedom to live their own life.

​The human heart is a paradox. It is capable of a love so fierce it can feel cosmic, yet so insecure it can be shattered by something as fragile as societal opinion. And for what? In the end, we all leave this world alone, with nothing but the love we gave and received—hopefully, without conditions.

Loneliness,patience and a prayer to almighty

Today, I was talking to an old friend. I do not want to name her, but we shared room in Bangalore. She is a simple girl, simple in terms of dressing herself modestly. Simple, in terms of dreaming and being ambitious about life. As far as I know her she never had any boyfriend. She just wanted a life partner.

Her sole aim was to make her family happy and proud. She was hardworking and got placed in a reputed organisation. After her job she had only one hobby, reading spiritual books of SriMaa and Aurobindo. I had a chance to visit the Aurobindo Ashram with her couple of times. We used to purchase lots of book from the Ashram store. We both used to visit Iskon temple several times and we were regular at the malls and commercial street. We both used to have our breakfast in our PG and then start our journey. Full day shopping, movie etc with lots of mouth watering foods and then used to return to our PG when we would just come back and fall asleep.

Those were one of the best days, we used to plan then that if we get married and settle down at same city, then we would re-live these moments again and again. We would leave our husbands at home and go together. But, sadly this never happened.

One day, she got transferred and left Bangalore with many dreams and I was left alone to succumb in loneliness. I did not get any better friend than hers in my PG. Rest were just  acquaintances, some with bad temperament, some with too much attitude and few more who were reluctant to speak in any other language leaving their mother tongue. I had another roommate also but she loved being alone. She only used to talk about TV soaps with me. At that time, I missed her badly. I felt like I am made to just work and then live in my loneliness. I tried but never got an opportunity to be with her again.

But, at least god has been benevolent to give me a partner who is their to listen to me, to support me. After, four years at least I have a family to live with.But, my dear friend is still waiting to get a partner. She stays alone. Her younger sister got married and she is yet to find a good match. The match making procedure is really not very appealing experience to live again and again. And it becomes extremely annoying when your parents also would start sending in every individual to you, without even considering any aspect. I may not understand how parents actually feel about it. But, yes this is not something any girl would like to undergo again and again. She has that feeling now.

I can understand and many others would do who have had similar experiences, but can anything liberate them of this pain. Still, many of our classmates are not married. Most of them would definitely be feeling similar pain if not staying with any family or friend. Sometimes, others pain is so much more painful that you actually forget your part of pain. Yes, problems and pain are one essential part in day to day life. And that hold good here.

I just want to co-relate the saying that you have to learn from your problems and life teaches it in a bitter way. But, how the problems that my friend is experiencing right now give her a lesson. What sort of lesson she should learn? Yes, someone can say why she herself do not try and find a partner. True, this holds good for many other countries. But, this is India, even if  she gets a partner, the road to being success would not come easily.

Now, lets leave India aside, even in other countries this problem would be there. People may find it difficult to get appropriate match. I just want to understand how they live, not mere live but enjoy being single and alone.

zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar ab tujh ko kaise karu....

     Zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar tujh ko kaise karu,
 

I have put this for Jiah Khan, Indian Bollywood actress who committed suicide last week. I don't want to discuss Jiah as such but saw many comments  for and against this dusky Diva in Facebook. Someone wrote, even teenagers are more matured than her after her suicide note was found and publicized. True, time has changed and even teenagers won't go behind cutting their hands and writing letters in blood. Very few teen's take their life for love. But, I have some questions in my mind that made me write this down.

What is maturity? Is it dumping someone? Is it handling a torn heart and again forcibly making it ready to get similar pain's?

I don't want to justify what one should do or not do. I just want to elaborate that feeling of having a broken heart. Nobody can change another persons mind by doing anything. Influencing another person to that extend is really hard and not so worthwhile. True, one should move on. But all this lines feel like philosophy and stupid lecture at that time. You choose someone to trust and your decision was wrong. That person is not trustworthy may be not a responsible person to take stand for what he/she has done.

 That moment when you loose control over pain is the time you think why I am here, I do not want to witness all this and take pain again. It is a very impulsive pain. A pain that is hard to withstand. Everyone, who has broken would have got the signals much earlier. But, yes not listening to one's intuitions and still believing in your heart that things will turn in your favor is your biggest mistake. You would either loose interest in having a proper meal or you overindulge in it. Sometimes falling sick of just crying over and over.  This is the saddest and most painful feeling that your closest person can give you. A very sharp and back stabbing feeling. As though you were having a poisonous snake with you and you loved it, fed it so that it can bite you.

We have created this society made its rule so that that could benefit us. But, this society and our laws have nothing big for these kind of people who play with emotions and back stab another. Now, teenagers and adults have more issues related to heart broke, be it before or after marriage. We all need to think and come up with answers for, the values,which are missing that is adding up to this problem. How we can make this a better place relationship wise.What should be our core value that we can give to our next generation that it will not have to withstand all this drama. Handling it somehow, letting go, is not solving the entire problem in picture ...

Pithapuram - Pilgrimage trip

Hi Readers,

I just completed one tour to Pithapuram and Kakinada. Just want to share my experience and pictures that could help someone planning to visit these two places. I was searching for a temple that performs Shraaddha or Pinda Pradanam ( last rights in memory of the deceased ) near Hyderabad as I did not had much leaves to visit Odisha again.

Since, Pithapuram is not a much developed town, we decided to travel to Kakinada which is just 21 kms from Pithapuram. Kakinada has a good number of hotels for accommodation. People here understand Hindi, even though they might not be comfortable speaking Hindi. This is a small town, with good food. We got good north Indian food at the hotel itself. We also got sleeper coach from Hyderabad to Kakinada. Our journey started at 9PM from Hyderabad and we reached Balaji Cheravu( the main private bus stand) Kakinada around 7:30 AM next day. With help of taxi got a decent 3 star hotel near 3 town police station. We took APSRTC bus from RTC complex bus stand to Pithapuram. It hardly took 30 mins to reach Kukuteswar Swamy temple.

I got to know that Pithapuram is one of the Trigaya Khetram ( Shiro gaya - Gaya Bihar, Navi gaya - Viraja Temple, Jajpur, Odisha and Pada gaya - Pithapuram, East Godavari, Andhra Pradesh).Since, we had to do Pinda Pradanam of my father in-law, we choose this auspicious shrine. Before, I go further, I want to brief you about Gaya and the connection with Shraddha or Pinda Pradanam.


Gayasura is a great devotee of Lord Vishnu. He worshiped Vishnu for a long time.Lord Vishnu appeared before him and asked to take the required boon. Gayasura asked to make his body so pious that every one who sees him will attain Mukti (salvation) immediately. Vishnu accepted it and disappeared.

Gayasura started to grow his body to an enormous size with the help of Yoga shakti. It was hundreds of k.m height. His wish is to show himself to all so that everybody on the earth attains Mukti. This made Indra (the king on deities) fearful. If everybody attains Mukti who will be there to be ruled by him? He prayed Trimurthis, Brahma, Vishnu and Maheshwara. He asked them to tell a solution. They laughed at Indra and disappeared.

They approached Gayasura in the form of three Brahmins. Gayasura welcomed them. They told Gayasura that they are going to do a very sacred Yajna and for that requested land from him. Gayasura happily accepted to give it. But, they questioned him where will he give the land? Each and every place on earth has bad incidents in it's history and so unfit for their sacred Yajna. Gayasura wondered. He asked them to tell the solution. They told that his body will be the best place. They supported their logic with the boon he got from Vishnu and his wish in giving salvation to everybody. And told that this can be considered as a challenge to him. He has to face the sins of all people before giving salvation. He has to face many Vighnas (obstacles) both physically and mentally to fulfill his desire. They told that the capabilities of Gayasura can be tested in helping to this Yajna.

Gayasura accepted. That Yajna will be conducted for seven days. He developed his body with his power and slept on the earth. His head was in Gaya of Bihar (Siro gaya), his Navel was in Viraja Temple, Jajpur of Odisha (Nabhi gaya) and his foot were in Pithapuram, East Godavari, AP. The Brahmins started doing Yajna.

Gayasura was bearing the fire on his body. He was counting the days with the help of crowing of cocks in the early morning. He is becoming frustrated day by day because of the fire but not moving his body for the word he gave. On the final day Lord Shiva took a form of the cock and crowed at midnight. Considering it as the sign of morning Gayasura woke up. The Yagna was destroyed. The Brahmins felt very sad. They asked him that if he couldn't control himself for just seven days how he is willing to bear the sins of entire humanity for unlimited time? Gayasura realized his mistake. He agreed his fault. Trimurthis appeared before him and told that his body will be present as it is and the entire land will become sacred because of him. Anyone performing Shraddha would get salavation for the deceased at these places. This is the story of Gayasura and Kukkuteswara swamy.

The three important places became Trigaya peethas, namely,
Vishnupada at Gaya
Biraja at Jajpur
Puruhoortika at Pithapuram

Gayasura is a great devotee of lord Vishnu. He was very good at heart. He just took an adventurous decision. The word Asura (demon) in his name is a misnomer. It just means opposite to Suras (deities ruled by Indra).

In some other mythological story, it is believed that Lord Vishnu forced Gayasura to live in Patala, and he will be fed by the devotees, who would do Shraaddha and Pinda Pradanam at these places and in return would get salvation for the deceased. The day when he will not be fed he will come back on earth. Thus, Pinda Pradanam at the Trigaya khetra is considered best for the deceased.

This story is beautifully depicted by the statue at the Pada Gaya Pond.This is the pond where Gayasura's  foot rested when he lie down for the Yajna to happen. Inside the temple premises, it has a small rock with foot prints Gaya Pada Vishnu Pada. The main temple inside the temple premises is at the middle with a huge Nandi (Bull) carved out of single stone. The Lord Shiva ( Kukuteswar ) is a swambhu linga ( self originated ) linga of  white marble in the shape of cocks head, thus the name Kukuteswar has originated. Goddess Rajarajaswari the consort of Kukuteswar Swamy is present beside the temple.

 The temple premises also has Sri Guru Datattreya temple.This is the only shrine with the idol of Sri Guru Dattatreya. There is a Audambara Vriksha (Banyan Tree) beside the shrine. It is also said that those who see, touch, do pradakshina or meditate near the Audumbara Vriksha will be the most fortunate of all. The Padukas (foot imprints) which are present beside the shrine is believed to be the real Padukas of Sri Sripada Vallabha Swamy.

This temple premises also has temple of Puruhoortika devi, which is considered one of the Shakti Peethas. Sati's left hand had fallen at this place, thus this is one of the important Shakti Peethas in India. Below, is a picture of Puruhoortika Devi that I got from net, taking pictures inside the temple premises is not allowed.

My Experience :- When we visited this temple, one of the Temple priest came to our help. Though he was not well versed in English, still he made us understand the Puja's and rituals that we need to do. With his help we got the Puja Samagri from near by stall and after entering the temple he asked us to sprinkle the water from the Pada Gaya pond. Taking dips in this water is considered auspicious and is believed to relieve one from of all sins of past. We performed the Abhishek of Sri Guru Dattatreya and did Kumkumarchana of Puruhoortika Devi. Next day, we did the Shraaddha or Pinda Pradanam of my father in-law. The ritual was very much similar to the one we do at Biraja temple. After the completion of ritual the Pinda was emerged in Pada gaya Pond.

We also visited the KuntiMadhav temple where Lord Krishna is worshiped in standing posture. This is one of the five (pancha pandab) Khetra which Lord Indra created do get rid of sin of killing Viddhasura.

We also visited the Kakinada beach. It was a cool beach, not too much crowded and got us relieved from the heat.

Ashoka Astami

Hi Readers,

Today is the auspicious day of Ashoka Astami the eighth day from new moon day in Chaitra Masa, this is the eighth day of Vasant Navaratri as well. On this day, Goddess Maa Durga is worshiped in  her Maha Gauri form.This is also believed that Sri Ram had worshiped Goddess Durga during Vasant Navaratri to defeat Ravana. As Maa Shakti is believed to have protected Ravana, Ram had worshiped her continuously to appease her and get boon to defeat Ravana in the battle of Lanka. Ram had worshiped both Lord Shiva and Maa Shakti to get this boon. On the auspicious day of Ashoka Astami (Ashoka meaning the one who removes and protects from hurdles and sorrows), both Lord Shiva and Maa Shakti had blessed Lord Sri Ram and had removed all his sorrows.

In Odisha this day has special significance, due to Rukuna Rath Yatra (the famous car festival of Lord Lingaraj in Bhubaneswar).According to folklore, Lord Sri Ram had worshiped Lord Shiva at Rameswaram, and when Lord Shiva wanted him to ask for what he wants , he wanted Lord to visit Rameswaram for five days, thus Lord Lingaraj in his Chandrashekar form visited Rameswaram in his chariot Rukuna. The folklore also has another version, in which Lord Lingaraj and Maa Bhubanswari had travelled to kill Surasura.

Rukuna Rath or chariot has one special significance, as it does not return once it moves in one direction. So, the devotees pull this chariot till the Rameswar temple. On the Bahuda yatra ( return of Lord Lingaraj to Lingaraj temple) the decoration in front side is removed and is placed in back side and pulled back.  

Do you believe in destiny?

Few days back in daily newspaper, I came across two articles based on life. One was about the attitude that we have towards our life and the other is about thinking. Sometimes, we think a lot and expand the issue which is in fact not so significant. I hope each one of us would have experienced this sometime or other. We worry unnecessarily and try to eliminate the problem itself.

However, life is not about eliminating problem, it is more about controlling problem and working through it until we come up with something or somewhat better off situation. Sometimes, we get angry on people just because we have been carrying a bad image of them with us. But, we need to question our self first, Am i good? Am I perfect? No body is perfect nor can ever be. The degree of being perfect varies. And also the values differ.

I may not like someone who boasts around or someone who goes on manipulating things. While there could be another individual, who would judge the same person as someone who could get the work done by any means. For me, getting the work done by good means, may it take lot of time and energy is worth but for the other person, getting work done is important over how it is done.

Life is always good, until the sky falls on our head and we stop breathing. There are hundreds of people who are starving, do not have proper clothes,shoes to wear, don't have a roof over their head. But, still they are alive. Have you ever watched a street children being way happy when someone offered them chocolate or ice-cream? There is happiness in them , that sparkles with that joy of getting something that they longed to have. It is as though they won a gold medal in a race.

Few days back there was a story in newspaper about one kidnapped child who was later united with his two mothers. He was kidnapped and was given to another lady who wanted to adopt a child. The lady took good care of this child, even in a better way than his real mother. The child soon forgot  image of his real parent and when reunited did not wanted to go back. The lady who adopted him, had lost her husband to one accident and her only son to an incurable medical condition. She runs a small catering business and had nothing that could inspire her. Her mother wanted her to adopt a child so that she could think it as her aim in life and lead a normal life. Though, not very rich, she had abundance motherly affection that she gave to two adopted children.

People like her are true inspiration. They have not only overcome hurdles but also have shed light of hope on many who undergo challenging circumstances. Sometimes, we really do not know what destiny has for us. But, yes we need to learn responding to challenging circumstances than reacting to it.

The journey of Ratnakar to Valmiki

Valmiki the saint who narrated epic Ramayan and who was the guru of Lav and Kush (Rama's son),used be a well known bandit named Ratnakar.

Though born in to a bhramin family, Ratnakar had turned bandit by being with bad company of others. He used to loot the people who would travel through the lonely paths of wood. He was destined to become the great sage Valmiki, the transformation of Ratnakar to sage Valmiki is an well known and inspirational story that motivates one to give up all the bad qualities and become a better person. The story of transformation of Ratnakar bandit to sage Valmiki is as below :-

One day, Narada Munni was crossing by the wood where Ratnakar used to reside and loot people. When he saw Narada, he challenged Narada to stop. Unafraid by him, Narada turned to him and said, " Look brother, I do not possess anything that you would like to take.Why are you engage in killing innocent people. There is no sin greater than killing another fellow mate. And for whom you are committing such heinous crime?

Ratnakar was accustomed of watching frightened faces that used to cry and beg for his mercy. Ratnakar, was astonished to see Narada, he was not bit afraid and moreover had courage to question him. He was impressed by Narada and answered, to feed my large family, I loot people and take their wealth.

Narada replied: " Brother, go and ask them, if they are willing to share your sins for whom you are committing these sinful actions. And don't think that I would run away, if you don't believe me then you an tie me with this rope to the tree. Remember, everyone repents for their part of sin after death."


Ratnakar after tying Narad with the rope went to his home and asked everybody the same question: " Is anybody ready to share my sins?" The same reply came from each member of his family:" It is your duty to look after me, to feed us. It is not my concern as to by which method you earn wealth, so why should I share your sins?"

Ratnakar was disillusioned. He who was toiling, committing sins, taking risks, day and night for them and here they were not even ready to share his sins. He saw the futility of his actions he had been committing. Ratnakar went back to the forest and untying Narada fell at his feet and started crying and said: O learned man ,how can a mean person like me achieve salvation?

Narada after thinking for a while asked him to chant the name of God Rama but for Ratnakar even pronouncing it was difficult. When Narada saw that even after trying very hard, Ratnakar was not successful in his attempts to chant Rama's name, he asked him to pronounce it backwards that is 'Mara' and then Narada went away. Ratnakar started to chant 'Mara, Mara' sitting there. He continued with this chant for 4 days, months, years and even Yuga! He did not get up for a single moment, even opened his eyes. His body was so still that termites made his body their home and his whole body was covered with them. Lord Brahma after being by his penance blessed him and gave him the name Valmiki because of the termites, which are called Valmik in Sanskrit.

One, who was a cruel bandit, whose only duty was to kill became the most noble sage because of the effect of chanting God's name though backwards.

We all have enormous power inside us, if we want to perform anything we can do it, be it the most difficult task of transforming from a cruel bandit to sage with the grace of god.