Relationship - Is it real or fake ?

Hi Readers,

Before you start reading this passage, let me tell you some truth. I love my Mom and she is my best friend and yes please do not think this is something personal that I want to pen down. Recently, many questions regarding a "True relationship" has come to my mind. Many of which concerns parent and child relationship. I just want to pen down all my thoughts, questions that I do not have any answer yet. You are free to agree and disagree.

Today, the news headlines included a person who committed suicide. I do not want to name him and his family. But, yes I know them somewhat closely. So, I want to describe things based on him taking him as a subject. He was one of the top ranked official in Central government. His son was in love with a girl of another caste and they were due to get married on coming Sunday. Both the families of groom and bride were well settled and had good reputation in society. However, it took them more than five years to agree upon settling the marriage. Bride is upper caste Bhramin(Priest) and Groom is Khandyat (warrior).

Both families somehow agreed and scheduled date for the said marriage. This man distributed wedding cards of his son to his colleagues and committed suicide while returning home. I do not know why he did it? May be in few days, police would investigate and come up with the motive.

This incident has some similarity to one of my classmate who had similar experience. There the girl belonged to lower caste and guy was upper caste. The guy's mother attempted suicide and both the lover had to give up to keep his mother alive.

We all say Mother's love is unconditional and nobody can love you better than your parents. But, how is it unconditional when parents have to commit suicide to break the child's love ? Somebody said teenagers are more mature than actress Jiah Khan who committed suicide out of a broken relationship. Then where is the maturity of parents who do all this. This man was in age group of 55 to 60 and he was a top ranked official. Does he lack maturity?

I have heard Mother's saying, I woke up so many nights for child when he/she was sick. What I have done cannot be done by anyone else. It is true, what our parents have done, we cannot do the same for them. We can never return their love to them. We can just pass on this love to our children. What we can do for our parent's we can never do that for our child. This is as simple as this. But, my question is, do a Mother care's for her child just because it is child who is feeling pain. No, this can never be true. Can she sit quietly and see her child in pain. No, absolutely not. She feels equal pain when she nurses a ailing child. She wont feel satisfies if she could not do anything for her child. Leave the child's pain apart, parents can not leave the child to suffer because they cannot sit ideally and watch this.

However, when it comes to emotionally blackmail, parents bring this point up front to the child. If you love your child unconditionally do you need to emotionally blackmail him/her? Yes, parents can not keep quiet and watch a child suffer because they choose a wrong partner to love. But, can't this be explained to child without any emotional blackmail. Sometimes, parents do this because they fear their so called prestige and status will be hampered. But, when you are so concerned about prestige and status, then where is the love for child. The child matters less compared to the prestige and status.

Sometimes, I feel there is no relationship which is true, because we all just want to fulfill our desires and our wants. We need less but we want more. We expect more and we hurt each other more. Sometimes, I feel animals are better, they do not have any rule of society and they have no rule who will take care of whom. The mother takes care of child and leaves it when the child learns basics of struggling for life. She never thinks of having the child to take care of her or feeding her.

But, we humans have complicated the rule's of nature. We have learnt the art of blackmailing very well. We have more insecurity complex. We are unsatisfied always.

If there is any difficulty in conceiving a child, parent would pray, give up their hard earned money to have a child at any cost. When child is born, it again gets complicated. At first they just want a child not because child needs them but because they need a child. When child is there they want everything out of that child. They want it do well in all fields. They pressurize the child. They are not satisfied any more with child's score. If the child loves another person. Then starts all blackmailing stuff. Yes, many people have changed and many agree readily to their child's wish too. In all this they actually forget the child whom they once longed to have. The child who gave them the parenthood in gift. It is not the gift of life that they have given their child alone, their child gifted them parenthood when it was born.

Is not it complicated? Too complicated to understand what is human psychology, why we are so much insecure when we understand it very well that we are not going to take anything or anyone with us when we leave this life.

Loneliness,patience and a prayer to almighty

Today, I was talking to an old friend. I do not want to name her, but we shared room in Bangalore. She is a simple girl, simple in terms of dressing herself modestly. Simple, in terms of dreaming and being ambitious about life. As far as I know her she never had any boyfriend. She just wanted a life partner.

Her sole aim was to make her family happy and proud. She was hardworking and got placed in a reputed organisation. After her job she had only one hobby, reading spiritual books of SriMaa and Aurobindo. I had a chance to visit the Aurobindo Ashram with her couple of times. We used to purchase lots of book from the Ashram store. We both used to visit Iskon temple several times and we were regular at the malls and commercial street. We both used to have our breakfast in our PG and then start our journey. Full day shopping, movie etc with lots of mouth watering foods and then used to return to our PG when we would just come back and fall asleep.

Those were one of the best days, we used to plan then that if we get married and settle down at same city, then we would re-live these moments again and again. We would leave our husbands at home and go together. But, sadly this never happened.

One day, she got transferred and left Bangalore with many dreams and I was left alone to succumb in loneliness. I did not get any better friend than hers in my PG. Rest were just  acquaintances, some with bad temperament, some with too much attitude and few more who were reluctant to speak in any other language leaving their mother tongue. I had another roommate also but she loved being alone. She only used to talk about TV soaps with me. At that time, I missed her badly. I felt like I am made to just work and then live in my loneliness. I tried but never got an opportunity to be with her again.

But, at least god has been benevolent to give me a partner who is their to listen to me, to support me. After, four years at least I have a family to live with.But, my dear friend is still waiting to get a partner. She stays alone. Her younger sister got married and she is yet to find a good match. The match making procedure is really not very appealing experience to live again and again. And it becomes extremely annoying when your parents also would start sending in every individual to you, without even considering any aspect. I may not understand how parents actually feel about it. But, yes this is not something any girl would like to undergo again and again. She has that feeling now.

I can understand and many others would do who have had similar experiences, but can anything liberate them of this pain. Still, many of our classmates are not married. Most of them would definitely be feeling similar pain if not staying with any family or friend. Sometimes, others pain is so much more painful that you actually forget your part of pain. Yes, problems and pain are one essential part in day to day life. And that hold good here.

I just want to co-relate the saying that you have to learn from your problems and life teaches it in a bitter way. But, how the problems that my friend is experiencing right now give her a lesson. What sort of lesson she should learn? Yes, someone can say why she herself do not try and find a partner. True, this holds good for many other countries. But, this is India, even if  she gets a partner, the road to being success would not come easily.

Now, lets leave India aside, even in other countries this problem would be there. People may find it difficult to get appropriate match. I just want to understand how they live, not mere live but enjoy being single and alone.

zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar ab tujh ko kaise karu....

     Zindegi ab tu hi bata mein pyar tujh ko kaise karu,
 

I have put this for Jiah Khan, Indian Bollywood actress who committed suicide last week. I don't want to discuss Jiah as such but saw many comments  for and against this dusky Diva in Facebook. Someone wrote, even teenagers are more matured than her after her suicide note was found and publicized. True, time has changed and even teenagers won't go behind cutting their hands and writing letters in blood. Very few teen's take their life for love. But, I have some questions in my mind that made me write this down.

What is maturity? Is it dumping someone? Is it handling a torn heart and again forcibly making it ready to get similar pain's?

I don't want to justify what one should do or not do. I just want to elaborate that feeling of having a broken heart. Nobody can change another persons mind by doing anything. Influencing another person to that extend is really hard and not so worthwhile. True, one should move on. But all this lines feel like philosophy and stupid lecture at that time. You choose someone to trust and your decision was wrong. That person is not trustworthy may be not a responsible person to take stand for what he/she has done.

 That moment when you loose control over pain is the time you think why I am here, I do not want to witness all this and take pain again. It is a very impulsive pain. A pain that is hard to withstand. Everyone, who has broken would have got the signals much earlier. But, yes not listening to one's intuitions and still believing in your heart that things will turn in your favor is your biggest mistake. You would either loose interest in having a proper meal or you overindulge in it. Sometimes falling sick of just crying over and over.  This is the saddest and most painful feeling that your closest person can give you. A very sharp and back stabbing feeling. As though you were having a poisonous snake with you and you loved it, fed it so that it can bite you.

We have created this society made its rule so that that could benefit us. But, this society and our laws have nothing big for these kind of people who play with emotions and back stab another. Now, teenagers and adults have more issues related to heart broke, be it before or after marriage. We all need to think and come up with answers for, the values,which are missing that is adding up to this problem. How we can make this a better place relationship wise.What should be our core value that we can give to our next generation that it will not have to withstand all this drama. Handling it somehow, letting go, is not solving the entire problem in picture ...