Dear Dairy,
I hope anyone or everyone that ever wanted to read what I had to write just disappeared. Because I was gone. Yes, gone because who reads blogs. Noone may be. Today I am back because I am sure no one apart from me would ever come back and read it again.
After long time and battle with self over whether to forget, be angry or ignore I realised nothing gonna work. When you lose someone and memories flashes by its only good ones that is left. Tried hard to suppress my feelings, tried hard enough to forget but did it work?? Well now I realise.. I am destined to live a life that has so many pieces that can never fit in. I have to bear the pain hide my scars, live for others.
Well my mind drags me to minute details sometimes and I wonder what I thought was beautiful or consider is beautiful...was that really good enough? My heart wants to hear "oh! Yes" but my mind says, "you are such a stupid. If it was, what followed would have not happened. "
Living a life trying to forget, wanting to wait and doing both at a time is destined for me. I can no longer share my feelings with anyone. Because I know noone will understand. I cannot forget that first and last look .With my memory only I am growing older and you remain the same. Why did we meet when there was nothing that could make it work.
I wonder if I suddenly meet again. What would I do? Tears have stopped rolling long back, so not that. But will I be able to talk? Don't know why I am wasting so much time thinking this over and over again. Some say when you can't stop thinking of someone, that person also thinks of you. Is it really??
Can I get my answers ever?? My unsolved mystery may be I will die with a burden of carrying you forever. I am happy considering you having best time of your life. Will have to miss you. But, not until next life... As I am sure I no longer wish to be born again. May God grant me and take me inside and never let me be born again. I don't have any energy to give you. What ever happened just happened.. that's enough!!
My intuition says I warned you, but you didn't listen. Yes blind and stupid me.. I ignored your warnings. But can you forgive me for that ... Why forgiving others is so easy but not yourself for being little stupid, crazy and foolish? To be able to love unconditionally one has to be a little fool, stupid and crazy is not it? Why you want me to be perfect... I am imperfect as everyone else.
Sleep diery sleep.
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